Chapter Nine #2
I can do this, I told myself. Like the dead, I will appear normal to the naked eye. I will hide the rot inside behind this facade. For a short time, I will fool people that I am normal.
Nicholas was pacing the ground floor hallway, his shoes making a soft noise against the chequerboard tile.
He seemed deep in thought, stroking his jaw with a knitted brow, his eyes far away.
When I paused on the stairs, he looked up, startled, as if just noticing me there.
I enjoyed the thrill in my belly, the little flip of joy as he looked at me.
He looked as if he’d spotted a Kingfisher among the reeds, its golds and blues making him speechless, as if he’d waited such a long time to see one.
“Grace,” he said breathlessly. His eyes roamed my entire form, from my face, to my figure, to my long legs.
He was dressed in a shirt and trousers with no tie, looking dapper yet casual. I wished he could come with me, that people could see me on his arm.
“I was thinking...perhaps you could take me. Perhaps we could go together, the two of us,” I said hopefully.
I avoided using the phrase as a couple. I knew he wouldn’t like that, even if I did. Even if I fantasised about it far too much.
He smiled gently, pocketing his hands as he took the few steps to meet me.
“You’ll have a wonderful time, Grace. Let your hair down. Be young,” he said, rocking on his heels. “Dorian’s a good lad. I know I can trust him to keep you safe.”
Nick swallowed, his Adam’s apple bobbing, and let his eyes drop for a moment. He didn’t look certain at all, but seemed to be fighting those thoughts away.
“I’m quite capable of taking care of myself, sir,” I said with a weak smile. “As I’ve always done.”
“Of course,” said Nick, clearing his throat. “Of course you have.”
The chiming of the doorbell rang around our heads. It was time to go.
“One moment, Grace,” said Nick, drawing something from his trouser pocket. “I was in the Burlington Arcade in Mayfair when I spotted this in the window of a boutique. It’s a gift for you.”
He opened a velvet box, revealing a white and silver clasp in the shape of a delicate moth, with intricate silver-thread details mapping the veins of its opaline wings.
My mouth went dry as I sucked in a quick breath. I’d never been given the gift of jewellery before, and never anything so precious.
“Oh, sir, it’s beautiful,” I said, the words gushing from my mouth in one breath.
Nick smiled briefly and took the moth out, before pocketing the empty box. He turned me gently by the shoulders and fitted the clasp to the coil of hair at the back of my head, securing it expertly, even covering the teeth of the clasp with strands of my hair.
“Being a funeral director does come in handy for these sorts of things,” he murmured as he adjusted it. His breath on my neck, warm and comforting, made me want to turn to him and fall into his arms. “Nobody else would believe the amount of hairdressing involved unless they saw it for themselves.”
I closed my eyes at his touch, enjoying his fingertips on my scalp.
“There,” he said when he was finished. “You look truly beguiling, Grace.”
I was speechless, touching the back of my hair as he guided me toward the door. Why, I longed to ask him. Why are you sending me away with another man, when I want to be here with you?
I was near breathlessness when I met Dorian on the doorstep. He was dressed in a tailored navy blue suit with a crisp white shirt, smelling of expensive cologne. I noticed how his lean muscular figure was complimented by the slim-fit of the suit, distinguished and urbane.
“Grace, you look breathtaking,” said Dorian, as he took my hand. He walked with me down the stone staircase and through the wrought iron gates. A sleek black chauffeured car awaited. He opened the door and helped me inside, before closing it and making his way around to the seat beside me.
“You’re looking lovely yourself,” I said, and I meant it, although there were no butterflies present in my belly. Not for him. I noted that my heart didn’t ache to look at Dorian, even though I could acknowledge how handsome he was.
The rain came, thudding down on the roof as we drove through the grey, murky streets of London.
We were heading towards the centre. I knew so little about the place, and had hardly explored.
A knot worked away in my belly as I realised I was outside of my comfort zone.
I had left Crowthorne House and entered the wilderness of the modern world once more.
Crowthorne House felt so very much like Heather House used to feel, like an impenetrable shelter among nuclear fallout.
My own safe terrarium, where days rolled into one another, and time was gauged by the changing seasons rather than the dates on the calendar.
I could feel Dorian’s eyes on me, taking my image in.
“I’m going to introduce you to so many people,” he said. “You’re going to meet my sister, Eugenie – she’s a real one. Unique, like you. I think you’ll get on like a house on fire.”
“I can’t wait,” I said with a brief smile.
I wanted to mean it, but I didn’t. The further the car drove away from Hampstead and Crowthorne House, away from where Nick was, the worse I felt. A hollowed-out feeling began to form in the pit of my stomach, gaping wider, until I wanted to cry.
“Don’t be nervous,” said Dorian as we stepped out into the rain.
He opened a large umbrella and tucked me under his arm, shielding us from the downpour.
“Everyone’s going to love you. You’re going to make so many connections it’ll make your head spin.
Every year they nominate a new charity. The fundraiser is organised by the London Funeral Directors’ Association – they invite all their connections, associates, you name it.
Seeing as you’re Nick’s new protégé, you can consider this your debut. ”
The gaping hole in my belly threatened to rip open and split me in two.
Funeral Directors Association? Nick had made no mention at all of this event having anything to do with work.
“Then...then why didn’t Nick want to bring me here himself?”
A storm raged in my head. He should be here with me, but instead he’d outsourced help from his accountant, using Dorian like a babysitter.
We scaled the glossy black marble steps to what looked like a grand historial building now used as an art gallery. Dorian swallowed hard as we entered and gave our names to the concierge, who took our dripping wet umbrella and guided us towards a large modern art gallery.
“Well?” I was getting impatient, feeling deceived by Nick. I would have insisted he come with me if I’d known.
“Nick doesn’t tend to come to these events.
He hasn’t come to one in the years I’ve known him,” said Dorian, looking uncomfortable.
“It’s not his style, and anyway...he has a bad rep among some of the other directors.
There’s a...a shitty rumour that stuck, and he was never able to shake it off. You know what I’m talking about?”
I nodded briefly. “The fire.”
“Right, the fire. It was such a long time ago, when I was just a kid, actually. My parents told me about it. It sucks, and it’s so unfair, but.
..that’s how it is. Give your rivals any excuse to shun you and they’ll use it.
That’s just business. Some of the directors, especially the older ones, like to think he caused it on purpose. That he...”
“That he killed them out of greed and jealousy,” I said, finishing for him. “But it makes no sense at all.”
Especially when it came to Louisa. He was clearly deeply besotted with her, even to this day. Why else keep her room like a young girl’s room, with replicas of all her treasured things? Why keep the statue of her in the orangery?
“Right,” said Dorian. “He’s a great guy.
There’s no way it’s true. But like I say, shit sticks.
Some of the older directors think he’s got something he doesn’t deserve; a business established over a hundred years ago in one of London’s most prime locations.
They don’t even care that he’s continued to run the business, that his heart is in it. They’re just thinking of the figures.”
“Is Crowthorne House worth so much more than the other funeral homes in London?” I asked.
Dorian blinked at me. “The house alone, in that location, with the grounds as well? It’s worth more than thirty million, easily.
Not to mention the business, with its reputation established long before Nick and his brother were born.
..well, that’s worth a hefty sum too, as you could imagine.
The potential for a mega-basement alone.
..investors would swoop in like you wouldn’t believe if he ever sold it. ”
“I had no idea,” I said breathlessly, my head spinning. I knew London real estate was exceptionally valuable, but I couldn’t have fathomed its worth. “He allowed me to take up the position, without any qualifications to my name...”
“He’s got faith in you, clearly. He sees something in you,” said Dorian, putting a familiar arm around my shoulders and squeezing me.
I enjoyed his friendliness, and felt unalarmed by him.
He gave me none of the sinister vibrations I was used to when I was around other men, like Tom.
That fearful uncertainty, that something else was going on behind the kind words that came out of his mouth, wasn’t present with Dorian.
“I can see why. There’s something about you, Grace – you’re an old soul in a young body. He could improve the business’ image a hell of a lot with you. You’ll bring a whole new vibe and energy to the place. The families will warm to you, being a young woman,” said Dorian.