Chapter 34 #2
“Yes.” He rubbed the back of his neck.
“Alex and Fern here too?”
“Yes.”
I had a good mind to reach over and pinch him. “Is Gilbert in on this?”
Henry quickly shook his head. “No. Gilbert just wanted us to fix our friendship. I think.”
I didn’t have the patience to point out we had no friendship. “Does Cy know I’m here?” I tossed my ice cream into the trash and joined him in searching the crowd.
“Uh . . .”
“Henry,” I snapped through gritted teeth.
“No.”
I threw my hands up, then dropped them hard against my thighs. “Why would you do that?”
He stepped closer and lowered his voice. “I thought if you could see each other . . . I don’t know . . . Maybe you could spend some time—”
“No. He’s going to think I did this to ambush them and he’s just going to resent me even more.”
“Maybe not. Don’t you want to see Fern?”
“More than anything, but not like this.” I stepped into the alleyway between two buildings. “I’m trying to do things the right way.”
“I’ll explain and—”
“No.” I leveled him with a glare. “You’ve done enough.
Seriously, Henry, stay out of it.” Tucking my chin and keeping my eyes to the ground, I did a mad dash to the Caddy.
Thankfully, I didn’t run into Cy and the rest of my family.
I hunched down in the driver’s seat and pushed a palm against my chest. My daughter was in reach and I knew if I tried to seek her out in this crowd, it would only work against me.
What had Henry been thinking? And why was he still involving himself in my business? I sat stewing over all of this for quite some time, wishing I could just leave instead of hiding out in my vehicle.
Eventually, I spotted Chris Evans and Jackée walking over. I rolled the window down and called out to them. “Hey. Who’s managing the truck?”
“No one. I sold out.” Chris looked baffled. That made two of us. His truck had been loaded with bread and other treats less than two hours ago.
“That was fast. Did you have a mob of people show up after we left?”
“We had a good line, but a friend of yours came by and bought me out of everything.”
I squinted up at him. “A friend of mine?”
“Yes.” Jackée smirked. “Henry. I think the man is in love.”
I snorted. “Not hardly. He’s not my friend either.”
She shot me a look, lips twisting into a smirk. “Sure could’ve fooled me.”
I changed the subject. “Does that mean we can go home now?”
“Pearl sent us to buy her an elephant ear.” Jackée checked the time on her phone. “But we can leave after that. You want us to get you one too?”
“No thanks. I’ll be here when everyone is ready to go.”
Jackée eyed me. “Are you okay?”
“I have a bit of a stomachache, but I’ll be okay.”
She frowned. “You sure?”
“Yeah.”
“Okay. We’ll be back soon.”
I nodded and mustered up a smile, waving them off when they hesitated to leave.
The drive home was full of chatter. The group raved about the town and the festival, but I only contributed head nods and smiles. Everyone else had enough to say that I got away with it.
After dropping everyone off, I made my way to Sullivan’s Island. Walking up the porch steps, I found a box filled with bread and pastries sitting in the rocking chair.
“That man,” I grumbled, swiping the box and carrying it inside. I knew I needed to forgive him, I just didn’t know how to let the deceit of his actions go. Not yet anyway.
I put away the food in the kitchen and checked the time, thinking it should be close to bedtime, but it was just past six, way too early to call it a day.
The thing I couldn’t get used to about being alone all the time was all the time I had on my hands. I settled onto my bed and picked up the Life Recovery Workbook. Each time, I started by rereading the twelve steps I’d paraphrased on the inside of the book cover.
I’m powerless over my problems. They’re unmanageable.
Only God can restore me.
I’ve turned my life over to God.
Inventory myself.
Admit my wrongs to myself, to God, and to someone else.
I want God to remove my defects.
Ask God to remove my shortcomings.
List the people I’ve harmed.
Make amends with them.
Stay accountable to wrongs and quickly admit to them.
Pray to God and ask for his will.
Share what I’ve learned with others and continue to practice it.
I looked over the list and stopped on numbers eight and nine. I’d already apologized to my brother and parents, but one name stuck out today. Lana. I’d never given her an official apology.
Moving to the small writing desk, I selected a few sheets of plain stationary.
I used colored pencils to decorate the top with Lana’s favorite flowers—magnolias and sunflowers—while I considered what I wanted to write to her.
By the time I’d created a lush bouquet, I’d worked up my nerve to apologize for dragging her into my mistakes.
Dear Lana,
I screwed up my life and in the process, I screwed up yours too. The day I made my awful, inexcusable, stupid mistake of driving drunk with my daughter in the back seat, I was on my way to putting your son in danger too. I’m not sure I’ll ever forgive myself, so I don’t blame you if you don’t.
I’m sorry. So, so sorry.
And I’m sorry that even though it was my mistake, you’re one of the people living with the consequences of it. You nor my brother deserve what I’ve put you through.
For a few years, after losing Arlo and Olla, I lost myself. That’s not an excuse, just a fact. I fell into a dark place. Now I’m digging my way out of it, even though it’s taking a lot longer than I’d hoped.
Thank you for stepping up and becoming a mother to my daughter when I failed at it. I know you love her and she’s in good care. I will never be able to repay you for that. It is the most precious gift someone has ever given me, loving my child as your own.
I’m sorry. I thank you. I love you.
Junie
I carefully folded the note and tucked it inside an envelope.
I may have gone through all twelve steps, but I’d come to realize I would never be done learning from them.
I also started to understand that life is hard, but we must live the hard parts to become a better person.
A healthier person. Writing Lana’s name and address on the front of the envelope, I wasn’t sure about being a better person but I did feel healthier.