20. Emilia
CHAPTER 20
I wasn’t okay, and I refused to pretend I was, even for the guys.
My body shook. My mind was fuzzy, slipping from the present to the moment I saw Ama take three bullets to her abdomen. There was no escape. My eyes were open, taking in the apartment I called home all summer, but I saw the gray interior of cement walls.
When I closed my eyes, it was worse.
Marco laid me on his bed, covered me with the blankets, and climbed in next to me. He held me for minutes or hours.
Javi kissed my forehead and then left, came back, and kissed me again before leaving.
The trembling never stopped.
I’d been a hostage twice before this mission. Once alone, and with a few women the other. Neither had been too scary. At any moment, I could have gotten myself free. Just like today.
The handcuffs were nothing compared to my strength. I stayed because I wasn’t given orders or any indications I needed to escape. If it had been necessary, they would have given me a signal.
I trusted our teams had things under control. I had no other choice.
They would find the car and trace the SUV.
Derek’s safety had been more at risk than my own. He’d been shot on the street. If one of ours hadn’t gotten to him first, he would have been taken to a hospital and potentially discovered, but the guys had known. Rod would take care of things. There were enough Pack members in the area these days that someone would get to him in time.
I knew that to be fact, so I hadn’t worried too much.
Ama had been my main concern. She wasn’t as indestructible as me. She didn’t have my training. She was just a human.
I’d thought they’d keep her safe too.
Maybe they’d done their best. Maybe they hadn’t been in a position to stop whoever had shot her. Maybe it had to happen. Maybe this was the final piece to bring it all down.
Her time had been running out no matter what had happened today.
Knowing that and accepting it were two vastly different things.
She was a dead woman before I was ever involved. She was a Dias, and the Velez were set on exterminating the family.
Maybe we should take out her mother now before she had to go through the pain of hearing the news. Relieve her of the grief.
It was the only thing I could do for her now.
I lifted my chin. “Does his mom know?”
Marco gazed down at me. “I haven’t heard.”
“We should take her out before. Don’t make her go through that.”
He pulled out his phone and typed but didn’t tell me what he sent.
It might not be the best timeline for the rest of the job. It might throw Alessio over the edge, but I didn’t care. The poor woman already lost her husband. She didn’t need to suffer the loss of her only daughter when her own ending was inevitable.
Javier came into the room and gave me a sad smile before Cruz and Derek followed. I sucked in a breath, and Derek fell to his knees next to the bed.
“You’re okay.”
I pulled away from Marco and wrapped my arms around him. “You’re okay?”
He cradled my head against his chest. “I’m fine. Already healed.”
I closed my eyes and held him. “I was so scared.”
“I’m so sorry.” He got up to sit on the bed, pulling me onto his lap.
Cruz and Javi joined us, all of them reaching out to touch me. Cruz gripped my foot, stroking his thumb over my ankle. Marco took my hand, and Javi rubbed my leg, just above my knee.
All of us together—my heart and mind accepted we were safe and whole—made me break.
Anguish.
Terror.
Panic.
Sorrow.
It all came pouring out of me as I sobbed.
Everyone, even badass assassins, had a breaking point. I reached mine.
They didn’t ask questions. They didn’t whisper reassurances.
I shattered, and they let me, giving me peace and space.
The sky was dark when I was too weak or tired to continue.
My head ached, and my eyes burned.
They stayed the entire time, but now that I’d gone quiet, Javi stood. He returned a moment later with a bottle of water and some pills.
I took them before settling back against Derek.
“I can’t remember ever feeling that kind of fear,” I finally admitted. “I’ve been in similar situations, and I’ve been trained on how to get out of much worse, but I’ve never felt so helpless until today.”
“Why?” Cruz asked.
“I let my guard down. I put my trust in people who didn’t deserve it.”
Derek tensed under me, and I put my hand on his thigh.
“Not you. Alessio. His men. I thought being with Ama made me safe. That his men would never betray her.” I shook my head, thankful they weren’t jumping in with reassurances.“Brazzi did this. He’s the one ruining everything. He has since the beginning.”
“Em, he’s––” Marco started, but I stared him down.
Javi straightened. “You love him. Dias.”
Was that the only possible explanation to him? Couldn’t he look beyond that?
“No, Javi. I don’t.”
“You told him you did,” Marco reminded me.
“I’ve said a lot of bullshit to stay alive. I’ll say just about anything to survive.”
“Anything?” Cruz asked quietly.
I turned to him, sensing his doubt and wanting to shake him. “To get through a mission? Yes. To you guys? You should all know better.”
“He loves you.” Derek kissed my hair. “His feelings are real.”
“I know.” I didn’t bother arguing or downplaying it. “I don’t see him as the villain either. At least not the only one.”
Javi watched me. “There’s no saving him. You might not think he’s an enemy, and he might not be yours, but that doesn’t change the Pack’s opinion. That doesn’t change the things he’s done.”
“Nothing is black and white. We know that better than most.” Marco waited for me to look at him. “But he’s a murderer.”
“So am I.”
He closed his eyes.
“He’s killed countless innocent people—women and children. You’ve followed orders.” Derek rested his chin on my shoulder.
“There’s no difference.” Couldn’t they see that? We weren’t good people. I never claimed to be. What gave us the right to take out rivals?
“Remember the mission.” Javi squeezed my thigh. “We’re so close to being done.”
“This isn’t even our fight.” I sagged, more exhausted than I’d ever been.
It was like the past few months of repressed emotions, fears, and questions all collapsed on me at once. Today changed things.
“I don’t fucking care. I don’t care about Miami’s drug or weapon market. I don’t care about Brazzi or Alessio. I don’t care about who runs territory in Mexico or Texas or Louisiana. I don’t care about strangers and how they live their lives.”
“Neither do we,” Derek agreed.
“We’re here to take down the competition, then we can go home,” Marco tried.
“Why?” My voice cracked, but I wasn’t done. “So the Pack has more money? So they have more access to the same drugs and weapons Dias is trafficking? It’s all disgusting greed. We’ve dedicated our lives to the Pack, doing everything they ask, and once this is over, we’ll go back. To what? I don’t want to go home. I don’t want to go back to being another asset. I don’t want to keep killing people because El Lobo says so. I want to be done. But it will never end! The cycle will never be over. It will never be enough. When we’re done here, there will be another rival to take out. Ten or thirty years from now, it will all be the same. I’ll be a tool for them to use, but what happens when they no longer see me as valuable? What then? When they’ve taken everything I have to give? Do I get to walk away? When do I ever get my own life?”
I stopped and stared at the wall.
What was the point? It would never end, and if it did, it would be the end of me. They’d have no use for me and would get rid of me just as easily as I’d gotten rid of my victims.
“Do you trust us?” Javi asked after a full minute of silence.
I tilted my head and met his brown eyes. “Of course.”
“Then let us handle this.” Marco wrapped his arms around me from behind, and I leaned into him. “I think our Em needs us to take care of her tonight.”
His words surprised me, and I peered around the room.
Javi, Cruz, and Derek looked back at us, curious.
He leaned back against the headboard, lifting me with him so I sat between his outstretched legs, my back against his chest.
“Javi, can you undress her?” Marco asked, but it was more of an order.
“With pleasure.” Javi gave me a sly grin as he stepped forward and lifted the hem of my shirt. I sat up so he could pull it over my head and while I did, Marco unhooked my bra. I slipped the straps over my shoulders, and Cruz took it from me, dropping it to the ground.
They watched me, but it wasn’t with hunger or need. It was reverence.
“Lift your hips, princess,” Marco whispered, so I did.
Cruz and Javi pulled off my pants and underwear.
His hands slipped up my hips, over my stomach, and stopped on my breasts. Instead of gripping or squeezing as I expected, he gently cupped them with his palm flat over my nipples, holding me while slowly rubbing his fingers back and forth.
It was more comforting than arousing.
I hadn’t known it was exactly what I was craving.
“We’ll make you feel better,” Marco said between placing kisses along the column of my neck.“Who wants to go first?”
“Me,” Cruz said with his ocean eyes locked on my core.
“Do you want that, princess?” Marco asked, and I nodded.
Cruz knelt between my legs, and Derek reached down, spreading my knees for him.
My eyes locked on Cruz’s as he lowered, slowly dragging his tongue up my seam once, then twice. He didn’t try to slip inside, just teasing me.
“Do you want Javi to touch you?” Marco’s voice was much lower.
“Yes.” I whimpered at the thought of more of them on me.
Javi knelt next to our left legs and lifted his hand to my apex, slipping his finger between my folds and instantly finding my clit.
Cruz hummed against me and repeatedly licked my entrance, savoring me.
They worked in tandem, wordlessly bringing me higher as Cruz pressed his face into me, driving his tongue into my pussy as Javi pressed and squeezed my sensitive nub.
I pinched my eyes closed and lost myself to the building pressure in my lower belly. I still needed more.
I peeked over to Derek, who was watching closely, not touching himself. They were serious about taking care of just me, but I wanted more.
“Derek,” I called to him, and he slid across the blanket to me.
“Yes, love?” His dark eyes held the promise of pleasure.
“I need more.”
He grinned. “You heard our girl. She needs more.”
Javi chuckled. “Yes, ma’am.”
Derek bent over, pushing Marco’s hand away with his nose before wrapping his mouth over my breast, taking in as much as he could as he dragged his flat tongue over my pebbled peak.
I groaned and closed my eyes.
“Make me forget,” I begged.
“Do you want Cruz’s cock, princess?” Marco whispered.
I gasped as Cruz growled against me. “Yes.”
His mouth disappeared, and Javi’s fingers replaced him, pumping in and out of me, adding to the pressure.
The sound of clothes dropping to the floor was the only warning before Cruz pressed his tip against my wet entrance. “You want me, nena?”
“Yes,” I cried as he slid into me. Thanks to his work, I was so ready for him, and he filled me with his full length.
“Yes!” I screamed out again.
“She’s so tight,” Cruz panted as he rocked in and out of me.
“Does he feel good, babe?” Javi asked as he continued to press on my clit in circles.
“Fuck yes,” I said without opening my eyes.
Derek flicked my nipple with his tongue, then bit at the same moment Marco pinched my other. The four of them worked in perfect unison, without communicating. It was a beautifully orchestrated harmony written just for me.
In less just a few minutes, I was there, falling over the edge. The pressure finally released as I slid into blissful oblivion surrounded by the only people I’d ever truly wanted. Needed. Trusted. Or loved.
But I couldn’t hold on to them forever.