Chapter Ten
Maeda
The following few days were a blur of social obligations. Turned out, Nikki was a popular person. How she was able to manage Lucky Lanes, make food from scratch for different events at the Center, find time to help people when they asked for it, and maintain this fake relationship was insane.
During a shift when Dolly was hanging out and coloring in an outdated menu, Nikki started helping her practice writing her name. It melted my heart a bit, to see them interacting so naturally, but it wasn’t surprising. Dolly was a sweetheart, and Nikki was a caring soul.
We were locking up at the end of the shift when Dolly grabbed Nikki’s hand. “Nikki, I want you to come to my dance performance tomorrow!”
Nikki’s eyes flashed to mine and back to Dolly’s. “Oh, lil potato, thank you so much for inviting me, but I don’t know if…” She looked at me again. “I think maybe your mom wants it to be a special thing for the two of you.”
“But, Daddy is coming and so is Miss Dom!”
My eyebrows furrowed. Daddy was bringing who now?
“You should come,” I said to Nikki. She took in my expression and raised a brow in response. I softened my features and tried again, “It’ll be fun.”
“And then, we can get ice cream after!” Dolly cheered as if she had won a grand prize.
“Well, let me give you a ride home so you don’t have to walk,” Nikki said.
I shook my head and took Dolly’s hand. “No car seat. We obey car seat safety laws.”
Nikki laughed. “Yeah, I know.” Was she blushing?
“I picked up a car seat a few days ago at a children’s secondhand store.
” My heart cracked. Nikki was the perfect woman, but I could never be with her for real.
This was a farce, a pretend relationship, a means to an end.
And I needed to be independent. I shouldn’t need someone’s help with my kid.
Although, this was nice. It was nice to have someone dependable on my side.
It felt like a gentle breeze on a hot day, a relief to know that I had someone in my corner.
Then I mentally kicked myself, how easily I forgot that none of this was real.
Dolly was overjoyed. “We can go in Nikki’s car, Mama! She has a car seat.”
My mouth was hanging open. “Why would you do that?” Something settled in my heart. It felt like a cat purring.
“Well, just in case of an emergency or something. What if you need help? It just made sense.” Nikki shrugged. “It’s nothing.”
Tears welled up in my eyes. It was not nothing. “Thank you,” I choked.
The sweetness of the gesture overwhelmed me. The selflessness of Nikki Thomas was overwhelming.
The next day, we loaded up in Nikki’s car once again, Dolly loved her car seat’s blue and pink design and insisted that the cupholders were better than her other car seat.
Dolly was in her costume with its blue and silver tulle tutu and glitter in her hair.
The recital was taking place in an small, old historic theatre in New Haven.
We signed her in, and she went backstage.
There was still a half hour until the show started, so we decided to get some popcorn from the concession stand and find our seats.
Tristan was already sitting there with Dom, his brunette, athletic co-worker.
She was the same age as us but had trust fund money which explained the name brand everything she had adorned herself with.
I couldn’t believe he had the nerve to bring the woman he had cheated on me with as a date to our daughter’s recital.
Nikki placed a hand on my back. “You ready?”
I nodded, then reached behind me to hold her hand.
We shimmied down the row to our seats. We sat with Nikki on one side next to me, and Tristan between my seat and Dom.
“Hello,” she greeted, reaching over Tristan to shake my hand. Her manicured square nails with French tips and a clunky silver charm bracelet that looked expensive hung there for a moment before I took it. “My name is Dom. I’m so excited to see Dolly’s dance! She’s so cute.”
“Oh, I know who you are.” I didn’t shake her hand. She was comfortable, too comfortable. My Mama Bear instincts were on edge.
Dom clearly didn’t know how to respond either. She looked at Tristan.
“You don’t need to be rude,” he murmured. “Dolly likes her.”
“And, when exactly did you start bringing your mistress to family events?” I hissed.
“Who I sleep with is none of your business, right?” He hissed back at me. “Isn’t that what you said? Hypocrite. You started dating a lesbian, and I found out through social media.”
I didn’t have a rebuttal. Thankfully, the lights dimmed, and the show started. Nikki held my knee the entire time, I kept my arms wrapped around hers. It was comforting. The safety I felt in Nikki’s presence was dangerous. I tried to remind myself of that.
We cheered for Dolly during her dance number. Fifty minutes later, each class had performed, and the line to check out was already forming. When we collected our little dancer, we all cheered for her again.
“Ready to go?” Dom asked Dolly. My blood was simmering.
“No,” I said. “Tristan, we need to talk.”
I pulled him to the side. He had the nerve to be annoyed. “What, Maeda?”
“I’m not comfortable with Dolly staying at your house when you have company, especially not with her,” I spoke harshly, but I was fuming.
Tristan pointed at Nikki, “Like you’re one to talk!”
“Nikki never spends the night.”
“Are you guys even really dating? I never even see you kiss.”
I avoided the question. “You’ve been badgering me about moving back in and us being a family. Meanwhile your side piece is in your bed? How long did you even wait before you moved her in? A week? Two days?”
Tristan shook his head. “You’re the one I want. It’s just sex with Dom.”
“Oh, my god.”
“I’m serious!”
I fixed him with a look, “Is that what she would say if I went and asked her?”
The panic in his eyes was my answer.
“Exposing Dolly to someone you think is just temporary is cruel. Flaunting your mistress in front of me is twisted. Begging me to come back to you while Dom thinks you’re in a relationship with her is just fucked up.
Dolly should just come home with me.” I was firm.
Even though Dolly was excited to go, even though I had planned on a quiet night and a slow morning on my own.
“Fine, I’ll drop Dom off at her place,” Tristan grumbled, but I didn’t believe him.
“Okay then, I’ll take Dolly to the house and wait for you there.”
“Are you for real right now? What are you, my mother?”
I could have slapped him. “I’m her mother. Don’t fucking play with me Tristan. I’m sure if Dom is just a friend, she won’t mind.”
Tristan’s shoulders slumped, and he nodded. We walked back over to Dolly, Dom, and Nikki. Nikki gave me a questioning look, and I rolled my eyes in response. She nodded like she understood.
Tristan spoke to Dom. “I’m taking her to the jump house tomorrow. Dolly loves the trampolines.”
“Oh, that will be so fun!” Dom said.
“So, I’m going to drop you off at your place. I just want to make sure Dolly gets a good night sleep.”
Dom deflated a bit. “Oh, sure, okay.” Then, she squatted down and gave Dolly a hug, which Dolly reciprocated. Which confirmed to me that they knew each other well enough to hug. How many times had Dom been around? “You did so well at your dance, Dolly!”
“Thank you Miss Dom! Are you coming to the jump house tomorrow?”
Dom looked at Tristan, who looked at me. I shrugged. It seemed there was already a familiarity there.
“We’re going to drop Dolly off,” I told Nikki. “Is that okay?”
“Sure thing, dolci,” she said, using her nickname for me.
Tristan and Dom walked away to their car. When Dolly was buckled up, I went over to Nikki and wrapped my arms around her. I whispered in her ear, “Thank you for everything.”
She held me tightly. “Of course. Anytime.”
For as long as I could remember, I had been trying to be soft but armored.
Resilience was the only path I knew, and it was the constant thickening of my skin that made me strong.
Yet, something about Nikki always showing up, always being there for not just me but Dolly, too.
Hurting her was my one regret, but I had to leave before I got left.
After my parents refused to acknowledge my sexuality, I was already on thin ice of losing them.
I didn’t know it at the time that I would end up losing them anyway.
I don’t know what possessed me to do it. I would say it was for the ruse, but no one was watching.
“Can I kiss you?” I whispered.
Nikki froze. Then, she pulled back to look at me, her eyes trained on my lips.
I couldn’t remember who closed the distance — her or me or both of us moving at the same time — but her soft lips were on mine soon after.
It was delicate. My pulse hammered in my chest. She tightened her arms around me.
We were levitating. The kiss divulged into something more unhinged.
Passionate. Something I hadn’t felt in a long time.
We were interrupted by tapping on glass.
“Shit,” I laughed. I felt like a schoolgirl who got caught kissing under the bleachers. Nikki’s eyes were dark and full of heat.
“Let’s drop her off?” I asked.
Nikki let out a growl as she cupped my face with one of her hands. She kissed me on the forehead and smiled. “Yes, ma’am.”