Chapter 13
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
the talk
MATTY
The hallways are dark and vacant as Blair and I make our way from the locker room to my dorm, the quiet slap of her flip-flops against her heels echoing in the space around us.
She agreed to come back to my room so we could talk, but as we approach the door, her pace slows like she’s having second thoughts.
I try to hurry and unlock it before she has a chance to change her mind, but the anxious tremble in my hands has me fumbling with the key.
Blair stands to the side silently watching me struggle, dressed in a simple pair of cotton sleep shorts and a thin tank top.
Her face is free of makeup, dark hair still damp from the showers.
There’s no denying she’s gorgeous when she’s all done up, but I think I actually prefer this relaxed, natural look on her.
Stripped bare of all the primp and polish, she’s more herself– raw and real and undeniably beautiful.
By the time I finally manage to get the door unlocked and push it open, she hasn’t run off yet, so I take that as a good sign. She follows me inside, pausing to sweep her curious gaze over the barren space as I flip on the light and close the door behind us.
Though everything is neat and clean, like always, I feel a little awkward as I watch Blair take stock of my living quarters for the first time.
Compared to her own space, it’s jarringly simplistic– just the basic furnishings, woefully plain and devoid of any personal touches.
She strides further into the room, stopping in front of the solitary poster on the wall.
Her posture relaxes as she studies it, resting a hand on her hip.
“Should I be worried?” she asks, tilting her head and shooting me a teasing smirk. “Are you obsessed with me?”
I snort a laugh, feeling some of the tension in my muscles drain away. “What do you mean?”
She points up at the poster. “Don’t act like it’s a coincidence that the only picture on your wall happens to be the same as my desktop background at work.”
I step over to join her, standing close enough to smell the delicate floral scent of her shampoo. “Noticed that, huh?”
“I notice everything, Isaac,” she replies with a click of her tongue, narrowing her eyes on me. “Explain yourself.”
I shrug a shoulder, stabbing my fingers through my hair.
“To be honest, I don’t really get art,” I admit.
“But I decided I needed something on the wall, so I got this weird abstract poster first– which I kinda hated– so I replaced it with this one. Still don’t get it, but I like it.
Mostly because it reminds me of you.” I flicker her a sideways glance, lips spreading into a sheepish grin.
“I asked you about your desktop background our first day working together, remember?”
Blair’s expression softens, a faint blush touching the apples of her cheeks. “So you are obsessed with me,” she teases.
My grin widens. “Definitely.”
She snorts a laugh, knocking her shoulder into mine as she turns to swing her gaze around the room once more. “This place doesn’t even look lived in,” she muses, that playful smirk still pulling at her lips. “Not gonna lie, you’re giving off slight serial killer vibes here.”
“I’m just used to keeping things neat and tidy,” I reply.
“I grew up as a military brat, and my parents were strict on that kind of stuff. The Guild was the same. This is the first time I’ve had the freedom to do my own thing, so I guess I’m still trying to unlearn old habits and figure out what my own preferences are. ”
I watch as Blair considers my explanation, her chin bobbing in a shallow nod. While it’s a little embarrassing to admit that I don’t really know what I like, it’s better than her thinking I’m some kind of robot who can’t even function as a normal person.
While she continues judging my space, I cross over to the bed, sinking down to sit on the edge and patting the mattress beside me in invitation. “Wanna come sit?” I ask, cocking a brow. “Promise I’m not a serial killer.”
She scoffs a laugh and rolls her eyes, though she hesitates for a few more seconds before moving to join me. The mattress dips under her weight as she lowers herself onto the edge, kicking her flip-flops off before scooching back and tucking her legs up underneath her.
“So,” I begin, shifting a little closer. “Are you ready to tell me what’s going on?”
She averts her gaze, dark hair falling in a curtain to cover her face.
I brush my fingers against the back of her hand in a show of support, giving her time to collect her thoughts without letting her retreat too far, but she’s silent for so long I start to wonder whether this long-awaited conversation will ever happen.
“Blair.” I duck my head, trying to meet her eyes. “You can tell me anything.”
She finally looks up at me, her brow furrowed deeply as she chews on the inside of her cheek.
I reach out and brush a thumb across her cheek to get her to stop chewing on it. “You always do this when you’re nervous,” I point out.
She rolls her eyes, making a face at me, but she doesn’t shrink away from my touch. If anything, she leans into it.
“You make me nervous,” she mutters, dark hair falling back over her face as she lowers her head.
“I don’t mean to.” I trail my fingers down to her chin, lifting it so she’ll meet my eyes. “But you make me pretty damn nervous, too, if it helps.”
She blushes again, forcing a brittle smile that doesn’t quite meet her eyes.
“Was our date that bad?” I ask tentatively. “Because until this morning, I was under the impression that it went pretty damn well.”
“It wasn’t the date,” she replies with a quick shake of her head. “But after…” she trails off, uncertainty straining her voice.
“What happened?” I question, trying my best to be patient and not to press too hard, despite the fact that not knowing has been slowly killing me.
Blair shifts her weight, blowing out a measured breath like she’s trying to center herself. “After you dropped me off here, I ran into Dylan’s best friend,” she murmurs. “It freaked me out.”
“Oh,” I breathe, flinching back in surprise. “Well shit, that explains a lot.”
“Yeah.”
“And here I was, thinking you just weren’t that into me,” I joke, trying to lighten the mood with humor even while voicing a very real fear of mine.
She reaches over to set a hand on my thigh. “That’s not it,” she reassures, staring into my eyes earnestly. “I had a great time on our date, Matty. The best time. But then… I don’t know, I just felt so damn guilty for it, like I had no right to be out enjoying life after Dylan’s was cut short.”
“You deserve to move on and be happy, Blair,” I say firmly, covering her hand with my own and giving it a squeeze. “I want to be the guy who shows you that.”
Her eyes round in sadness. “Even if it’s doomed?”
“Why would it be doomed?”
She gestures between the two of us. “You’re human. I’m a shifter.”
“So?” I scoff. “That doesn’t mean we’re doomed. Cam’s parents were a human and a shifter.”
“Yeah, and look how that turned out,” she snorts.
I wince, because she’s got a point. “I just mean we’re not physically incompatible,” I say.
She sinks her teeth into her lower lip, heated gaze flickering down my body. “Well obviously.”
That miniscule action brings back a rush of memories, images of what we just got up to in the shower playing through my mind.
Shit, I’m getting hard again just thinking about it.
“You know what I think?” I ask, reaching down to discreetly adjust myself in my athletic shorts as I pull a leg up on the bed and twist to face her.
“I don’t think you’re scared that it can’t work between us, Blair.
I think it scares you that it might. That we could be good together, because you don’t think you deserve anything good after losing your mate.
But you do, Blair. You just need to get out of your own way and be open to letting it happen. ”
Her throat bobs with a swallow as she averts her eyes, nodding stiffly. Silence falls between us, and I can practically hear the wheels turning in her head while she considers my words.
“What was it like?” she asks after a minute, throwing me off balance with her abrupt change of subject. “Being in the Guild. You said you had an uncle who was a member, were the two of you close?”
“Not particularly,” I mumble, searching for a way to explain my complicated past in a way she’ll understand.
“Honestly, I didn’t even know him that well, but my choices after high school were the military or the Guild, and he convinced me to choose the Guild.
I got to know him a little better while I was with them, but I wouldn’t say we were ever close.
Doesn’t mean I don’t grieve him, though. ”
Blair nods as she listens intently, the full weight of her attention making my chest tighten.
“I don’t regret helping take down the Guild,” I say, my voice gravelly with emotion. “But I do regret that so many people had to die. A lot of them weren’t bad people, they just didn’t know any better. They were indoctrinated to look at the world in a certain way.”
“Like you?” she asks, her tone devoid of the usual sarcasm she typically employs when discussing this topic, like she’s actually trying to understand rather than judge.