Chapter 35 Winnie
WINNIE
The chill from the cold stone steps seeps through my gown, but I remain frozen in place, unsure what to do, what to think. After fleeing the Fireman’s Ball, my body and thoughts come to a grinding halt.
Peony sits beside me in silent support, not pushing and not trying to fix anything, which is more than I deserve after being so dumb.
Holding my head in my hands, I say, “I’m so pathetic.”
Peony rubs my back. “You both are, but you’re pathetic together.”
“That’s not helpful.”
“It’s the truth.”
“I’m such an idiot.”
“Idiots in love. Sounds like a song title.”
Now is not the time to be funny. I elbow her.
“He was only trying to win a bet.”
“And so were you.” She pauses, then adds, “But was that only what it was?”
The question sits like a block of ice between us because I know my answer to that question. I think about every coffee delivery, every stolen glance through the glass walls, every moment he made me feel special in a way no one else ever has.
I whisper, “Not for me. It stopped being about the bet a long time ago.”
“If you’ve learned anything from this, it’s to talk to Patton about how you feel. Tell him the truth.”
Before I can respond, Grandma Joyce appears with my coat. “You’ll freeze out here, sweetheart.”
She drapes it over my shoulders, then, despite her age and the impracticality of her dress, she sits down on the other side of me.
“Grandma, you don’t have to—”
“Share what I think? You don’t have a choice. That man in there is in love with you.”
My heart clenches. “He made a bet about me.”
“And you made one about him. You’re even.” She pats my knee. “The question isn’t who started what. It’s whether the feelings became real and what you’re going to do about that.”
Peony says, “I’ve known Patton for almost my whole life. He looks at you like you’re the stars in the sky and he’s simply grateful to be in your midst.”
Despite everything, I almost smile. “That could be a song too.”
“So now what?”
“You go back in there and talk to him. Be honest with yourself. Remember what I told you about Grandpa and me? No more games, no more bets. Just two people figuring out if they’re brave enough to try.”
Peony nods in agreement. “She’s right. And if it helps, I’ve never seen you as happy as you’ve been these past few weeks. That’s not fake. Trust me, if his sixth-grade class play was any indication, Patton is not that good of an actor.”
This time, I do laugh, then think about everything they’ve said and what I know to be true.
Recently, my thoughts have revolved around Patton.
Even the smallest text from him makes me smile.
Seeing him at work is my favorite part of the day.
Baking, snuggling, kissing … I don’t want to lose that. Or lose him.
“You’re right, I need to talk to him,” I say, standing.
Peony and I help Grandma to her feet and we brush off. I head toward the door, heart pounding, rehearsing what I’ll say, and I nearly collide with a man’s broad chest. It’s Patton in his firefighter’s dress uniform.
We stop on the steps, face to face, gazes locked, searching. His eyes are raw with emotion. Mine are teary.
Peony and Grandma go back inside, leaving us alone.
“I need to tell you something,” we both say at the same time.
Despite everything, we both wheeze nervous laughter.
“You first,” I say.
“No, you.”
“Patton—”
He takes a breath. “The bet was real. My crew challenged me about not arguing with you during Ball planning.”
I nod, waiting.
“It was a mistake. I wanted to tell you so many times because …” He rubs the stubble on his jaw.
“When?”
“The squirrel incident. Maybe before.” He meets my eyes. “I started noticing things about you, like the way you organize with sticky notes, how you listen to everyone who comes into your office with genuine interest, that you sneak Oreo treats … And I couldn’t stop noticing. Didn’t want to stop.”
My heart pounds against my ribs.
“I told myself I was just being curious, so I could anticipate your moves, stay one step ahead. Win the bet. But I was falling for you.”
The silence stretches. His eyes search mine.
I gather a deep breath. “My turn.”
He nods, bracing himself.
“Mindy, Thomas, and Pauline bet me I couldn’t make you smile and have fun at the Ball.
They dubbed it ‘Operation Make Maverick Smile.’” I wince at how ridiculous it sounds now.
“I took it because I thought we hated each other. Because I’m competitive and stubborn, and I really needed the money, but even though I love my job, I also really didn’t want to go to the Parks and Recreation Regional Convention.
” I tell him about the mascot dance and how selfish and guilty I feel.
The corner of his mouth twitches.
“But then I got to know you. The real you. Not the arrogant, grouchy firefighter I perceived you to be.”
“We made a lousy first impression on each other, huh?”
Biting my lip, I nod.
“In reality, I saw someone protective and kind and quietly amazing. Someone who fixes things because he cares, not because he expects anything in return. Someone who carries too much weight alone because he thinks asking for help makes him weak.”
Patton steps closer, and I don’t move away.
I continue, “I was going to tell you about the bet. That’s what I wanted to talk about before the Ball. I even drafted a text, but then my brother called about the restaurant and I accidentally deleted it, and—” I’m rambling.
“Same. I tried and failed so many times.”
Having this out there doesn’t form a wall between us as I feared. Rather, it clears the air.
“Yet here we are.”
“Winnie, I think you’re an amazing, beautiful, generous, kind, smart, hardworking, beautiful—”
“You said that.”
“You’re really beautiful, Winnie.” He smooths a loose piece of my hair between his fingers.
I feel all glowy inside, but I’m not done with my apology. “I knew it was wrong to keep the bet secret. I won’t do anything like that ever again.”
“No more secrets.” He takes my hands in his and squeezes.
Peering up at his hazel eyes, I say the truest thing I know, “Patton, somewhere along the way, you stopped being my enemy and became someone I fell in love with.”
The words sparkle like stars between us.
“You love me?” His voice is rough.
“I think so. Maybe. Yes. I’m a mess.” I clutch my head in my hands, then meet his gaze again because if I can’t keep secrets, I won’t hide either. “I do. I love you, Patton.”
“I’ve never been in love before and this—” He shakes his head.
“I’m afraid to let myself—” He takes a breath.
“I’m afraid to let myself love someone because that means I could lose them.
Leaving you behind like my mom was when Dad died.
” He looks at me, and the vulnerability in his eyes nearly breaks me.
“I’ve spent all these years building walls to avoid exactly this feeling. And you just walked into the fire.”
“I’m afraid too,” I confess. “Of being used. Of trying my hardest and still not being enough. Of being someone’s temporary placeholder until they find someone better.”
“You’re more than enough, Winnie.”
We’re inches apart now. I can smell cedar and woodsmoke, see the whiskey flecks in his hazel eyes.
“So what do we do?” I whisper.
He tucks a strand of hair behind my ear. “I don’t want to walk away.”
“Me neither.”
“I want to be brave, for you, for us.”
Patton leans in slightly. I do the same. Our lips are about to touch when his radio crackles to life.
“All units, major structure fire on Alpine Ridge. Multiple buildings are involved. Requesting full department response—repeat, full department response.”
Patton closes his eyes, frustration clear on his face.
“I have to go. But I don’t want to be done talking,” he says, pulling back reluctantly.
“Not even close.”
He touches my face briefly, thumb brushing my cheek. “When I get back—”
“When you get back,” I agree.
He kisses my forehead and then he’s running to the fire department section of the building. Mere minutes later, the engine is ablaze with lights. I watch the ladder truck, and command vehicle disappear into the night, heading toward danger while my heart stays here, full of hope and fear and love.
I stand on the steps for a long moment, processing.
We didn’t fix everything. Didn’t kiss and make up and ride off into a perfect sunset.
But we were honest. Vulnerable. Real. It feels like we cleared away our terrible first impressions, cleared up our foolish middle with our respective bets, but we’re not at the end. No, this feels like a beginning.
I head back inside, wrapping my coat tighter. The Ball is over because half of the guests had to abruptly leave. Everyone else says goodbye and thanks us for a wonderful event.
Mindy rushes over, eyes wide. “Are you okay? Did we completely mess things up? I didn’t mean to ruin everything. I just thought it would be cute if we all confessed together and—”
“It’s okay. We’re going to be okay.”
“Really?” She dramatically sweeps her hand across her forehead with relief before I even answer.
“Really.”
Peony appears with my purse. “Heard the emergency call. That sounded bad.”
My stomach clenches.
“It’s going to be a long night for them.” She’s married to James and I want to ask her how she lives with the tension and fear that the reality of her husband’s job is dangerous, but it’s late and I’m afraid to hear her answer.
Mindy, Peony, and a few others, including my grandmother, help clean up. She asks, “Did you guys talk?”
“We started to, but there is still more to say.”
The girls, Thomas, and I spend the next couple of hours eliminating evidence of the Fireman’s Ball. We also eat our share of Crush Cakes.
Sometime after nine, my phone buzzes.
Patton: Don’t wait for me. It could be hours. Get some rest.
Me: Be safe.
Patton: Always. We’ll talk tomorrow.
Uncertainty plays a violent round of bumper cars in my mind.
Grandma Joyce pats my arm. “He’s fine. That man knows what he’s doing.”