Chapter 33
After successfully creeping into my parents’ house, and then waking up before them this morning, I was able to get in and out without either of them seeing me, to the point where I think I could probably live there undetected.
First I went for a walk, to think about things, to try to clear my head.
It didn’t work. Now I’m sitting with a pumpkin spice latte, on a bench on the beach, looking out at the horizon and contemplating the life choices that have landed me here.
I don’t feel like I’m getting anywhere. If I’m doing anything I’m just sitting raising a drink to my failures.
At least it’s delicious. I just need something, like a sign, or…
I feel my phone ringing in my pocket. It’s Adam.
‘Wow, I wasn’t expecting you to be awake,’ he teases.
‘Well, I didn’t get much sleep last night,’ I point out. ‘What about you?’
‘No, I didn’t sleep too well.’
It was late by the time we got to bed – but I couldn’t turn my brain off for hours.
‘Does your face hurt much?’ I ask.
‘Only when I move or breathe or just generally exist,’ he jokes, ‘but I have a meeting at the office later this afternoon, so I’ve got to soldier on – and hopefully convince them that my face will look normal again before the Bonfire Night Festival.’
‘I could come over, if you like?’ I suggest. ‘I could cover you in make-up.’
‘Well, I don’t fancy the second part,’ he admits with a laugh. ‘But I’d really like the first part. Si is at work today, so it will be just us. We could talk. Want to come over now?’
‘I’ll be right there,’ I reply.
He seems keen to chat, although he didn’t really say about what, just that he would be waiting for me, and that Si would be working in the office today, so that’s a relief. I don’t want anything to be awkward.
I arrive at the house and it’s quiet. I was expecting to find Adam sitting in the kitchen but, nope.
As I head upstairs I notice something. The soft hum of water running.
The bathroom door is wide open, and now I’m closer I can tell it’s the shower. My heartbeat quickens. Is Adam still in there? Did he leave the door open on purpose? He did make that joke yesterday, about us showering together again…
I hover outside the door. What if this is exactly what he wants? For me to join him?
But then, doubt creeps in, as it always does. What if I’m totally misreading this? My mind races with a million thoughts. Should I call out that I’m here? Should I just wait downstairs? But before I can make a decision, I hear a voice behind me.
‘Lia? What are you doing?’
I jump, spinning around to find Si standing there, a towel wrapped around his waist. I can barely think straight.
‘Oh my God, Si,’ I blurt out, feeling my cheeks flush with embarrassment. ‘I didn’t… I mean, I thought Adam… I was just… I’m supposed to be meeting Adam.’
‘So, you thought you’d get in the shower with him?’ Si replies, raising an eyebrow. There’s a touch of sarcastic amusement in his voice, but mostly, he looks unimpressed.
‘No, no, no,’ I say quickly. ‘I was just going to use the bathroom, that’s all.’
Si’s expression softens, though there’s still something guarded in his eyes.
‘I think he had to pop into work,’ Si says. ‘Don’t be surprised if he’s late back though. He’s got a crush on someone there, so he’ll probably linger.’
His words sting more than I want to admit. Adam has a crush on someone? Why does that bother me so much? And it bothers me how much it bothers me.
Si steps closer, his gaze locked on mine. He’s flirtatious, that same old charm surfacing.
‘You know, I feel like I haven’t seen you in ages,’ he says, his voice low. ‘I’d love to spend some time with you.’
I swallow hard as he reaches out, taking my face gently in his hands. He leans in slowly, his breath warm against my lips, and all I can think about, for some stupid reason, is what my mum said about him expecting extras.
But then a voice interrupts us, and I pull back, startled.
‘Oh, sorry,’ Adam says, appearing at the top of the stairs.
‘No, it’s okay,’ I insist, quickly stepping away from Si. ‘I was just looking for you.’
Adam looks between us.
‘I think I might have to bail today,’ he tells me. ‘Something came up at work.’
Ah, his mystery crush.
‘I was just going to say we should all go out for dinner,’ Si adds, his voice easy, but I can sense the tension underneath.
‘Sounds good,’ I say, hoping it will smooth things over, and make everything less awkward.
‘Sorry, I have plans,’ Adam replies, glancing briefly at me before turning to leave. ‘You two have a good time though.’
I watch him go, a sinking feeling in my stomach. The last thing I want is to go for dinner, just me and Si, because this is all so messy.
When I got locked in the loo with Adam, there was instant chemistry between us.
I wanted to see him again, but had no idea how to track him down.
Then, when Si came along – my childhood crush – it was like something out of a fairy tale.
Thing is, after what happened in London, dating should be the last thing on my mind.
I’ve tried to usher them both into a place that is platonic.
Well, I can’t date one or the other now, can I?
Not without coming between them. I don’t need a messy love life, I need a home, stability, independence.
I thought I could have that here, but now I’m not so sure.
‘Oh, actually, I’m supposed to be doing something with my parents tonight,’ I lie, because the two of us going to dinner alone feels far too much like a date.
‘That’s a shame,’ he replies. ‘Maybe some other time?’
‘Maybe,’ I say plainly, but there’s no way.
Oh, this is all just so messy now. Too messy, perhaps. And I have no idea how I’m going to clear it all up.