42. Addison
Addison
Lunch with Lilly was going to be easy.
That was what I told myself as I walked into the restaurant with my chin up, shoulders back, and my phone in my hand like I was checking the time instead of using it as a shield.
It was one of those places we’d been to dozens of times, linen napkins, tiny menus, waiters who seemed like they had been trained to whisper.
The kind of restaurant that made you sit up straighter without even realizing you were doing it.
I had been rehearsing the words all morning. In the shower. In the car. While I walked into the restaurant.
Her name is Sawyer. I love her. I want her with me.
Three simple sentences. Three clean facts. My stomach didn’t believe in simplicity.
Lilly walked into the restaurant exactly on time, the way she always did. Her sunglasses rested on top of her head, and her hair was twisted into that loose, polished style that looked effortless even when I knew it wasn’t.
She looked tired around the eyes, her smile a little softer than usual, but she was glowing too. Wedding-week glow. The kind that came from being completely adored.
The second she spotted me, her face brightened. “Hey,” she leaned in and kissed my cheek. “Hi. You look—” She paused mid-sentence and narrowed her eyes slightly. “Addie,” she said carefully, studying my face. “What’s wrong?”
I tried to smile. It came out thin and shaky, like a bad impression of myself. “Nothing,” I said too quickly.
Lilly didn’t even sit all the way before she was studying me harder. “No,” she said calmly. “Something’s wrong. You texted me like you were about to confess to a crime, and you look like you’ve been crying.”
I let out a breath that almost turned into a laugh and didn’t quite make it. “I didn’t mean it like that,” I said.
“Okay,” Lilly replied as she set her phone on the table. “Then tell me what you meant.”
The waiter appeared beside us. Lilly ordered without even looking at the menu. I ordered water because if I tried to drink wine right now, I would absolutely end up crying into a bread basket.
The moment the waiter left, Lilly leaned forward.
“Talk,” she said.
My hands had started doing that thing where they couldn’t decide what to do with themselves. I touched my glass, pulled back, smoothed the napkin, twisted it, untwisted it. Eventually I forced both hands flat on the table.
“I want to bring someone to your wedding,” I blurted.
Lilly’s face lit up instantly, as if I had just told her I had rescued a stray puppy.
“Of course you do,” she said warmly. “Addison, yes. You have a plus-one. You’re allowed to have a life outside of making sure mine doesn’t implode.”
I blinked at her.
“You’re… not mad?”
Lilly laughed lightly.
“Why would I be mad?”
“I don’t know,” I admitted, and my voice cracked embarrassingly on the last word.
Lilly’s smile softened.
“Addie,” she said gently, “why are you acting like you’re asking permission to breathe?”
My throat tightened and I dropped my gaze to the tablecloth.
“I’m not,” I lied.
Lilly arched an eyebrow.
“Okay,” she said. “Then who is he?”
There it was.
That assumption was so casual and automatic it shouldn’t have mattered. It wasn’t malicious. It was simply the script we had both grown up with.
But my chest still clenched. I swallowed hard.
“Her name is Sawyer,” I said quietly.
The words landed between us like a coin dropped into water.
Lilly didn’t blink. She didn’t hesitate or perform that careful pause people sometimes did when they were trying to decide how to respond in the most acceptable way.
Instead, she smiled. Wide. Real. “Oh my god,” Lilly said immediately. “Addie.”
I stared at her in disbelief. “What?”
She reached across the table and grabbed both of my hands. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
I swallowed hard.
“Her name is Sawyer,” I said quietly. “I’m bisexual, and I’m dating a woman. I have been for eight or nine weeks.”
The words landed between us like a coin dropped into water.
Lilly didn’t blink. She didn’t hesitate or give me that careful pause people sometimes used when they were trying to decide how they were supposed to respond.
She just smiled. Wide and real.
“Oh my God,” she said immediately. “Addie.”
I stared at her. “What?”
She reached across the table and grabbed both of my hands. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“I haven’t told many people really.” I let out a shaky breath.
“Wait.” A huge smile spread across her face. “You’ve been carrying this around by yourself?”
I blinked.
“Addison.” She squeezed my hands. “This is amazing.”
She shook her head quickly. “Not that you felt like you had to hide this part of yourself. I mean that you’re happy. I’m so happy that you’re happy.”
My eyes stung so quickly it made my head spin. “You are?”
“Yes!”
“But you’re not…” My voice trembled. “You don’t care?”
Lilly looked genuinely confused. “Why would I care if you’re dating a man or a woman?”
The question was so simple that it cracked something open inside me. A small laugh escaped me, sharp and breathless. Before I could stop it, the laugh turned into a sob. “Oh my God,” I whispered as tears spilled down my face.
Lilly didn’t flinch. She tightened her hold on my hands. “Addison,” she said gently. “Hey.”
“I don’t know why I thought…” I wiped beneath my eyes, smearing what was left of my concealer. “I don’t know why I thought you would judge me. Or think I didn’t fit anymore.”
Her face softened. “Fit?” she repeated quietly. “Addie, what are you talking about?”
I shook my head. “It sounds ridiculous when I say it out loud.”
“Try.”
I took a shaky breath. “We grew up doing all these things. Events. Traditions. Expectations. Like our lives were staged.” I gestured vaguely around the restaurant.
“And you’re marrying Brad, and everything is exactly how we always pictured it.
” I swallowed. “Sawyer isn’t part of that world.
She rides a motorcycle. She works with her hands.
She doesn’t care about any of this stuff.
I was scared you would look at her and think she didn’t belong.
Or look at me and think I didn’t belong anymore. ”
Lilly’s eyes glistened. “Oh, Addie.”
The waiter chose that exact moment to return with Lilly’s drink and my water. She accepted the glass without breaking eye contact with me and said very politely, “We will need just a few minutes before we order.”
He nodded and walked away.
“I’m marrying Brad because I love Brad,” she said gently but firmly. “That has absolutely nothing to do with who you love.”
I sniffed. “When you say it like that, it sounds obvious.”
“It is obvious.” A small smirk tugged at her mouth. “And I’m offended that you think I’m shallow enough to care what your girlfriend does for a living.”
“I’m sorry.” I shrugged. “I don’t think you’re shallow. I just got so worked up in my own head, and then I… I don’t know.”
She squeezed my hands, “I am sorry you didn’t feel like you could talk to me about this.” She paused, “I did kind of figure something was going on the other night.”
My stomach dropped. “You did?”
She nodded. “She reached for your hand, then you pulled yours away so fast it was like touching her burned you. You got weird and fidgety.”
Heat rushed up my neck. “Lilly…”
“I didn’t push,” she continued gently. “I figured you would tell me when you were ready. I just didn’t realize you thought I was someone you couldn’t tell.”
That sentence wrecked me more than anything else had.
“It’s just so much more than that, Lil.” I pressed my lips together, but the tears came anyway.
“I feel like I’ve been cosplaying my whole life, like I’ve been playing the version of myself everyone expects.
Well, that my Mom expects. But, with Sawyer, it’s the first time I don’t feel like I’m performing. ”
Lilly’s eyes shone. “That’s what you deserve.”
I shook my head slowly. “I’m so in love with her,” I whispered. “And I was terrified that bringing her into my world would ruin it. Or ruin us.”
Lilly squeezed my hands again. “Does she love you?”
“Yes.”
“Does she treat you well?”
“She does.”
“Then I already adore her.”
My throat tightened. “You don’t even know her.”
“I don’t need to yet. You’re telling me you’re happy. That’s enough for me.”
Relief moved through me so strongly it almost hurt.
Lilly leaned back slightly. “So,” she said lightly. “Sawyer.”
I laughed softly. “Yeah?”
“She’s coming to the wedding. She’s sitting with us, she’s dancing with you, and if anyone has a problem with it, they can take it up with me.”
I stared at her. “You’re sure?”
Her expression softened. “Addison, you’re my best friend, I want you to be happy. That’s the whole list.”
Something inside my chest finally unclenched. “Thank you,” I whispered.
Lilly smiled. “Always.”
I felt so much relief in that moment. I had been so afraid that telling her would shatter my world.
It didn’t.
It made it bigger.
* * *