Chapter Fifteen
Fifteen
It surprised Stella how easy things felt between her and Max.
She thought her lack of experience would make her bad at flirting, or awkward.
And yes, there were times when she was a little unsure of herself, but for the most part, they had a rapport that felt natural.
Sometimes words came out of her mouth before she even had time to think about them, and they felt right.
Things between them seemed so effortless, in fact, that Stella wondered why, prior to this, dating had been so hard for her.
And worse, she worried how much harder it would be for her after whatever she was doing with Max inevitably ended.
Because she was sure it would have to end, one way or another.
“What is happening in your brain right now?”
Stella blinked up to find her friend Jackie eyeing her across their table.
Jackie was Stella’s emotional support white girl (affectionate).
Before starting at Yellow Sparks, Stella had interned at People magazine and was the only Black woman—nay, the only person of color—in their intern group.
The rest were white girls, and they all looked alike and seemed to know each other somehow, except Jackie.
Jackie wasn’t a POC, but she was almost six feet tall, wore a size sixteen instead of four, had big dark curls that she didn’t even attempt to tame in the summer, and had a string of piercings in each of her ears.
In sum, she hadn’t exactly fit in either, and from that very first day of orientation, she and Stella bonded over their otherness.
The best part was that Jackie never attempted to equate her otherness to the barriers Stella faced as a Black woman, but instead listened and learned when Stella faced issues Jackie couldn’t always understand.
It was why their friendship had lasted all these years despite the fact that Jackie had moved to LA pretty soon after their internship ended to actively pursue a career as a screenwriter.
Now she was writing for a Netflix show that legally she couldn’t tell Stella much about but would be starring some TikToker Stella had never heard of yet had millions of followers.
Jackie was in town for her sister’s sweet sixteen that weekend, so as they always did when Jackie was in town, they were getting a drink at the Irish American Pub, the bar they had often frequented when they were interns with very little money and not a lot of places to go.
“Hello?” Jackie said, poking Stella’s arm. “Space cadet, what is happening in that big, beautiful brain of yours?”
Oh yes, so this was the other thing about Jackie.
Stella had had a crush on her once, when they’d first become friends, and sometimes, when Jackie touched her or called her brain beautiful, Stella had to remind herself that she wasn’t actually interested in Jackie; she just liked the idea of being interested in someone.
She knew this because although she loved Jackie, she also hated how Jackie would often disappear, leaving Stella on read for weeks and sometimes months, and then suddenly pop up again as if she’d never gone ghost. Stella understood that that happened sometimes.
Friendships could ebb and flow. And Stella knew deep down that she could tolerate it as Jackie’s friend, but she was much too needy of a person to have a partner like that, much less one who lived on the other side of the country.
Also, and most importantly, Jackie was very straight, despite all of her queer friends trying to convince her otherwise.
“I met someone,” Stella said finally. “Like, romantically.”
Jackie’s eyes bugged out as she sat back in her chair.
“Whoa,” Jackie said. “When?”
“Last week,” Stella said. “It’s very new. I actually don’t really know what we’re doing but…it feels good. Nice. But also maybe too nice? Like I honestly can’t believe this is happening to me, you know?”
Jackie nodded sagely. Although Jackie had lost her virginity back when she was in college, she’d only done it that one time in an effort to get it over with and hadn’t been with anyone else, romantically or sexually, since.
So she was one of the few people in Stella’s life who really understood what it felt like to be long-term single.
Chelsea, Kira, and Effie were all single now, but it wasn’t the same. They’d all been in relationships before and hooked up with people fairly regularly. Stella hadn’t even had a prom date.
She knew her friends were great and gorgeous, but Stella also thought she was those things.
And yet, when they went out to bars, Stella often found herself standing off to the side while her friends were approached, and only getting a drink if the person interested in one of her friends decided to get one for her, too.
Stella tried not to let it get to her. She never wanted to have multiple partners or a “hoetation.” She would be happy just finding the one special person who would be her person.
But there was a part of her that couldn’t help but wonder why it felt so easy for everyone else to find mutual attraction when it seemed like everyone Stella ever liked never really liked her back.
Until Max.
“Are you worried it’s too good to be true?” Jackie asked, pulling the thought right from Stella’s mind.
Stella huffed out a laugh. “No, I know it is.”
“What do you mean?”
“So that’s kind of a long story,” Stella said. And then she took Jackie through the whole thing. Meeting Max at Red as Sin, learning who he was in relation to her job, and their decision to keep seeing each other despite all of it.
“It’s like, of course I finally meet someone who’s interested in me and it’s this complicated mess,” Stella finished.
“Okay, but he said he’s taking himself off the project for you, right?” Jackie said. “That’s good at least. He clearly cares about you a lot if he’s willing to do that when he barely even knows you.”
Stella bit down on a smile. “I know. It’s kind of crazy, honestly. A part of me can’t help but think about why he wants to do this for me.”
“Probably because he wants to get into your pants,” Jackie said, wiggling her eyebrows suggestively. Stella laughed.
“No, but seriously,” Jackie went on. “Obviously, he’s into you. If he wasn’t, he wouldn’t be doing all this. So maybe just let yourself enjoy the ride.”
“You don’t think it’s stupid to involve myself with this guy who may or may not become my villain origin story?”
Stella’s conversation with Effie and Effie’s matching looks of concern whenever she glanced Stella’s way in the office continued to plague her thoughts.
“I think that’s the best reason to do it,” Jackie said. “Seriously, isn’t that part of dating? Doesn’t everyone have some kind of story about a horrible ex? This could be yours! Do it for the plot!”
Stella laughed again at that, but nodded.
“Yeah, I think you’re right. I have to see this through.”
“You gotta see the dick!”
Jackie said this way too loudly, and even with the music blasting in the bar, people still turned their way. Stella hid her face behind her hands, shaking her head. She needed to get quieter friends.
“Literally, why are you like this?” she asked Jackie, pulling down her hands.
“My mother says I’m a wild child,” Jackie said with a shrug. “Regardless, my love life is still as dry as the California desert, so I must live vicariously through you. Plus, this guy sounds hot! And you deserve to get properly laid. One of us should.”
“I do deserve that, don’t I?”
Jackie nodded. “You do. Time to pop that cherry.”
“Christ,” Stella said, laughing. “Your lack of decorum is astounding. Never change.”
“I wouldn’t dream of it,” Jackie said, smiling.
Their waiter came by then, and despite the fact that Stella had work in the morning, they ordered another round of drinks and kept chatting. All the while, Stella couldn’t stop thinking about her upcoming plans with Max and what she should wear.