Chapter 25
Harper
Ifeel a little bad springing everyone on Luke, but I thought he’d make friends. I was sure there was someone in the group he’d bond with and be able to talk to, so he isn’t just the random guy standing on the sidelines.
Worst of all, the entire time I’m with Tom, I just want to grab Luke by the hand and force him to socialize. I’ve always been more social than him, but he usually at least tries. Maybe it’s whatever happened with Cassie that’s bothering him.
I cringe, thinking about how he said they ended things because she found out we were sharing the same bed. I glance over at Tom while he’s driving, wondering if he’d have the same reaction. It’s probably information better kept to myself.
Our situation is odd, isn’t it?
“Here we are,” Tom says, pulling into the lot. There’s black sand built up at the edges of the lot, some of it spreading out into the parking spots themselves.
“I can’t wait to see the puffins!” Lily says, hopping out of the car along with Elise. Everyone piles out of the other car parked next to us.
“There’s puffins here?” I ask. I’ve seen the photos of them online. They’re cute enough in theory, but I have no desire to see them up close. At the end of the day, they are still birds flying around with a pointed weapon on their face.
“No,” Tom laughs. “They don’t migrate over here until May.”
I sigh in relief.
We make our way toward the beach, and I glance over my shoulder, looking for Luke. He’s just pulled in when we start to walk away.
“I’m going to wait for Luke,” I tell Tom.
He opens his mouth like he’s going to say something but then chooses not to. I half expect him to walk away and join his friends, but he stays with me. He smiles, but it’s forced, not reaching his eyes the same way it did the night before.
Luke makes his way over, giving another awkward wave and not really meeting my eyes.
“Come on,” I say. I’m about to reach out and grab Luke’s hand, but I stop myself and step closer to Tom instead. I catch him eyeing me like he saw what I was about to do.
I brush it off and lead the way, grabbing Tom’s hand.
The sand, it turns out, isn’t sand. It’s more like tiny smooth black pebbles. Millions of them are scattered across the beach. The cliffside hugging the beach isn’t regular stone but volcanic prisms, forming what looks like steps that get higher and higher.
Lily and Elise run up to one of the rock prisms and sit on it, posing for a photo. The group quickly scatters, spreading out over the beach.
“Oh, wow,” I say, my eyes following the volcanic rock prisms. They bow inward as they get taller and arch off to the side. It looks like a piece of architecture—something that was designed and man-made—but somehow nature put it all together.
The waves crash in front of us, creating a dramatic roar of water.
“Come on,” Tom says, pulling me past the prisms and toward the water. The mass of stone ends and opens up to another part of the beach that reveals tall spires of rock. They’re the same ones we’d seen from the lighthouse. Up close, they look gothic and dramatic as the water crashes into them.
Tom keeps pulling me forward and around the bend of the stone wall, but my eyes are focused on the thin, tall rocks jutting out from the ocean in front of me.
“How is it still standing?” I wonder.
“Beautiful, right?” Tom says, guiding us forward to get a closer look.
I glance back at him and instantly panic.
“Tom,” I say, unable to hide the nervous tone in my voice. “Can we go back?” I pull on his arm slightly, but he doesn’t budge.
He just looks confused. “Why?”
My eyes float upward where dozens of birds fly over our heads. Their nests are fitted into the crevasses of the rock above us. I’ve seen plenty of birds since we’ve arrived in Iceland but never this many.
“You said there wouldn’t be any puffins.” I’m trying to keep my cool, but there are dozens of birds above me. And they’re close. Close enough that they can and will dive-bomb me given the opportunity.
Tom glances up, unbothered. “I think they’re seagulls.”
“Whatever, can we just go?” I tug on his hand again.
Instead of following me, Tom lets go. He looks from me and back to the birds. He’s confused, but then it clicks. He knows why I’m scared, and he smiles.
“You’re scared of birds?” he says, a light mocking tone in this voice.
“Yeah, yeah, it’s called ornithophobia. And I know it’s irrational. Can we go?” I talk quickly, trying to laugh it off. Now that I’m not holding onto Tom, I feel more panicked. I reach out my hand, an offer for him to take, but he ignores it.
“That’s ridiculous, Harper. They’re just birds.” He turns away to look at the view again, ignoring the things flying above our heads.
“Tom,” I say, the panic building up to tears. I can’t stop looking at them. I know it’s more than just the birds now. It’s being here with Tom, with someone who doesn’t care, or worse, would rather laugh at my fear than help me through it.
My face heats up, embarrassment and fear mixing together. No, don’t cry.
Why do I have to be afraid of birds?
“If they poo on you, I’ll buy you a new outfit. Just enjoy the view.” He puts his hands in his pockets, officially shutting me down.
“Tom,” I say again, a shudder going through me as I look up at the birds. I want to run away, I really do, but I’m stuck in place.
“Harper, stop.” Tom finally turns to me, but his voice isn’t kind. He’s lost any sort of patience for me and would rather walk away than deal with me.
“Harper.” The voice coming from behind me is so familiar that it eases back my fears enough to take a long, steadying breath. Luke comes up from behind me, his attention glued on me. “Come on, don’t bother with him.”
His voice is firm. He walks over and puts his hands on either side of my arms, backing me away from Tom a half step.
“Who are you, anyway?” Tom shouts, like he’s been dying to ask the question all day.
I’ve seen the way Tom was eyeballing Luke, but it isn’t until he shouts that I connect the dots.
Tom is acting the same way Cassie had. And not because they’re crazy, jealous people, but because Luke and I drift around each other like a couple in denial.
“Her friend,” Luke says, but with my revelation, the word doesn’t seem right. It doesn’t feel like enough.
“Are you sure? Because you look at her like she’s your property. Do I need your permission?”
My head snaps up, turning to Tom and then Luke. Tom looks angry but almost amused in the way he smiles, like this entire thing is a ridiculous waste of time. Luke, on the other hand. . . he’s furious.
His hands are still on my arms, his touch gentle but firm. His face is twisted, contorted in an anger I’ve never seen from him before. “I look at her like I care about my friend’s safety when she’s around strange men.”
“Piss off, man,” Tom says, clearly over it. “If you wanna go at her, at least admit it to yourself.”
I don’t dare look at Luke. I keep my eyes on the ground, but I wish I knew what he was thinking. Sure, plenty of people have made comments to Luke and me about our relationship, but never to both of us, and never so seriously.
“Come on, Harper,” Luke says, guiding me away from Tom and the birds.
I don’t look back at Tom as we walk away, shame coating my skin. Luke takes me down the beach, away from the rocks and the crowd of people taking photos. We get away from Tom and the rest of the group, and most of all, the birds.
When Luke stops walking in the middle of the beach, I sit down. I take a few moments to breathe, letting myself take in the open air and the crisp ocean breeze. I curl my knees to my chest and bury my face in my hands.
“You okay?” Luke’s voice is gentle in comparison to how it just was.
I lift my face up. “Mortified. Humiliated. Embarrassed.” I pause. “Did I cover all the words?”
He sits down next to me, his hand stroking my back in slow, calming circles. “That just about covers it.”
I let out a nervous laugh, almost crying. “Luke, why do the birds do this to me? I made a fool of myself in front of a cute guy.” But even as I say the words, I know that’s not the problem. The birds may have started this, but my relationship with Luke is what made my dignity crash and burn.
“He really wasn’t that attractive,” Luke mumbles.
I glance over, and he smiles. I roll my eyes.
“There are better-looking people in the world. Me, for example.” He puts his hand out, gesturing to himself.
It’s meant as a joke, probably to distract me, but it’s the closest Luke has come to outright flirting with me. And given Tom’s comment, it feels like too much.
“Right.” I laugh, my head spinning.
He’s sitting so close to me that by instinct, I lean over until my head is resting on his shoulder.
The two of us have always been touchy growing up.
We’ve given each other plenty of hugs or leaned on one another, but not like this.
This feels different now, but I think the only thing that’s changed is me.
Every moment on this trip has been like this. Remove the epic failures of Cassie and Tom, and Luke and I are on a romantic trip. The only thing missing is a kiss.
The thought makes my insides curl, but it feels more like nerves than anything else.
And what if we were a couple? It’s the first time I’ve really given it consideration. Enough people in our lives have assumed or made comments, but I’ve never actually considered it. Not like this. It never felt like this.
Leaning into Luke is nice. Not just physically, but emotionally.
But could we be something more than friends?
I lift my head and when I do, Luke watches me. I can practically hear his thoughts shouting at me. Like he’s trying to confess his love by just looking at me, and the thought of hearing him say those words out loud is terrifying.
I could almost picture how simple it would be with Luke. I could love him. I already love him. I know that to my core, but I’m not so sure it’s the type of romantic love I’d always dreamed of. Maybe it could be?
Luke’s face is only inches from mine. It’s the type of distance normally reserved for people who are about to kiss. Is that what this is? Is this tiny stretch of space between us the last remaining bit of our friendship?
My eyes drift down to his lips, my body abuzz with nerves.
What if we don’t work as a couple?
“Harper!” A voice over the roar of the ocean breaks the spell. Luke looks away from me and stares out at the ocean, ignoring the voice. My body goes limp. I hadn’t realized how much I had been bracing myself for the kiss, only for the moment to be broken.
When I glance up, it’s Lily jogging over, a little breathless. I get up and take a few steps away from Luke.
“You okay?” she says when she’s close enough that she doesn’t have to shout.
“Tom said you started freaking out and then left. Archie didn’t prank you or something, right?
He should know better than to subject someone new to that.
” As she finishes talking, I see her gaze linger on Luke, whom I’d been cuddling up next to just a few seconds ago.
I laugh a little at the thought of Archie. “No, just an irrational fear of birds.”
“Birds?” she asks, dumbfounded. Her eyes flick back to me, but I can see the questions there. She’s wondering what Luke’s role is in all this. Had she seen the almost kiss?
“I can handle them from far away and in small numbers. Not flying above my head by the hundreds.” An exaggeration, but still.
“Oh,” she says, not sure what to say next. “We’re leaving in a bit. Did you want to come to the next place?”
I’m not sure what Tom said to her exactly, but it seems like she already knows my answer. I’m sure she’ll report back to him and the rest of the gang about Luke. They’ll all assume Luke and I were kissing and I have no idea how that makes me feel.
I shake my head. “No, I’m good. It was nice meeting you all though.”
She smiles. “You, too! Enjoy your trip.”
And with a simple wave, she walks away.
I’m left sitting in a sea of thoughts, wondering if I feel relieved the kiss was broken off or if I wished we could get a redo.