Chapter 42
Jacob rinses my hair with cool water. “Are you sure the pretty hair is worth this torture?”
He insisted on helping me shower, taking his time in the hot spray to rub me down, examining my swollen knee and the bruises peppering my body.
“You don’t have to be here,” I laugh as he works his fingers through my locks to get all the conditioner out. “You just wanted to see me naked.”
He shivers a little. “And I still don’t regret it.”
By the time we’re dry and dressed, I’m exhausted again, barely able to keep my eyes open. “Sorry,” I slur sleepily. “Everything is catching up to me.”
“Rest as much as you need. We have time.”
I’m asleep for twelve hours before Jacob wakes me up to eat something, and I fall back asleep before he’s even done cleaning up.
I wake up another eight hours later. He’s sitting at the desk, on his laptop.
I watch him for a moment. His fingers fly across the keyboard, brow furrowed in focus as he bites his plush lip.
The light of the laptop highlights all the curves of his face, the shadow in the dim room filling in the recesses.
There’s a heavier-than-normal dusting of stubble adding to it all. He’s breathtaking.
I wonder if this is something I could see every day, looking over from my desk and seeing him. It makes my tired head spin to think about, so I stare at the ceiling instead. I’m trying to find the energy to sit up, but it seems so far away.
“Mari?” he says tentatively.
“Hi,” I rasp, voice depleted.
His expression shifts into a gentle adoration, and I have the urge to pull the covers up and hide from it.
But truthfully, I’m delighted to see he’s here.
He hasn’t left. I’m not alone. He abandons his laptop and kneels by the side of the bed, kissing my forehead.
He soothes more than he hurts, even if the hurt lingers in the shadows. “How’re you feeling, sweetheart?”
“Like shit,” I answer honestly. “But like I can probably keep my eyes open for more than an hour.”
Energy crashes are nothing new to me. You go until you can’t go anymore.
Then, either your house and your life become a mess while you recover, your healing and overworked body needing more energy than you can spare otherwise, or you keep pushing through and burn out worse later.
The older I get, the more I realize rest is not optional.
It’s survival. Which is unfortunate because it’s hard to come by.
I’ve never let anyone see me like this. Too tired to function, too sore to move. Even when I lived at home, I tried to hide it as much as possible or push through. This time, I can’t hide it.
I hope it doesn’t send him running for the hills.
Asking someone to grab your knee brace is one thing, but asking someone to help you walk to the shower because you’re too tired, sore, and dizzy to make it there yourself is another.
The realities of disability are so much more than the narrow view most people see in public and on social media.
For every bendy party trick, there’s a consequence.
Most of the fears about turning him off with my health evaporate when he brushes a lock off my face and kisses me sweetly, savoring it like he’s been waiting for years to do so. “I’ll take it. Let’s get some food in you, and we can talk about the championship.”
After eating and taking a painkiller, I’m slightly more human.
He waits until I finish chewing my last bite to tell me Circuit Smack gave us the championship brackets.
I still choke on the revelation. “Excuse me?” I kind of wish I had choked to death when I see the paper he hands me.
“We’re on opposite sides of the bracket. ”
“It was either this or the same side. This is better. I think.” His brow is set in a hard line as he studies it. I can see the faint marks on my copy from where his page was laid on top of it as he made notes. I’m too afraid to examine them more closely to see where he thinks the odds lie.
“We’ll only fight if we both make it to the finale.”
“When,” he says resolutely.
“What?”
He rubs his stubbled jaw, working over his thoughts. “Not ‘if.’ When. When we both make it, we’ll fight.”
I swallow the lump in my throat. Jacob will make it. It’d be shocking if he didn’t. He’s got a good robot, money for repairs, and a full team. He’s made it four years in a row and won three of them. He’s made it multiple times to the semifinals over the years as well.
I have me, almost no money for large repairs, and a bot that has only begun to hit its stride—thanks to him. But, no matter what, I’m here to win. “When,” I agree.
“I’ll still be able to help you.”
My eyes go wide as I look at him. “Is that allowed? You being on two teams while competing?” Zeta and I have already skirted many rules with the number of upgrades we’ve done, but there are certain things that are hard and fast.
“I asked.” He smirks, even through his clear exhaustion.
He’s been working hard while I’ve been fucking around in emergency rooms and convalescing.
“There are no rules against it and no precedent for it. They said I can’t be on your team arena side, but I can in Builder Bay.
My team knows what they’re doing. I’ll still be helping them and overseeing, but I can be on your team, too.
” He threads his fingers through my free hand, giving it a gentle squeeze.
I set the paper in my lap and lay my head on his shoulder so he can’t see the panic diffusing through my veins. “Are you sure? That’s a lot to ask, Jacob. I don’t expect you to do that.”
“I’ve been on your team since the moment I saw you, sweetheart. I just didn’t know how to play this game.” He brings our entwined hands to his lips and kisses the curve of my thumb. “I’m on your team as long as you’ll have me.”
I have everything I wanted so close and so far away.
I’m in the Circuit Smack championships, and all I have to do is win four more fights.
My family is more stable than they’ve been in ages.
I’m also risking everything to be here. I’m holding hands with the man who crushed my dreams for so long.
He’s the same person who’s making it possible for me to compete.
My mind is a tangled mess. I do the only thing I can think of to shut it up—I kiss him.
He is a singularity, pulling me apart on a molecular level. He is the nebula, creating the star of me from cosmic scraps. He is the star holding my planet steady. He is a constant, present force, as able to build me up as he is to tear me apart.
I’m desperate to feel anything but panic, and his skin on mine drives it away as I slide my hand under his shirt.
His fingers brush over the front of my underwear, small zaps of lust building with each pass until I’m slick and panting.
I frantically try to remove them, aching to feel him with nothing in between, but he is slow and gentle as he slides them down my legs.
“On your side,” he says, carefully encouraging me to roll over in a way that won’t put pressure on my knee.
His cock is hot and heavy on my ass as he slides behind me, pulling me close.
He lifts my leg back over his hip and leans me against his chest. His fingers circle my sticky clit, and I moan.
“Are you comfortable, sweetheart?” he asks as he buries his face in my neck, rutting against my back as his fingers dip inside me.
“Yes, please, more, I need–” My words are cut short by a gasp as his fingers strum firmly over my clit once more. “Please,” I whimper.
“Anything,” he says. “Ask for the world, and I’ll give it to you.”
The blunt head of his cock notches inside of me, and his fingers dance over me again as he slowly slides in. I’m a blank slate, wiped clean by sheer need. Each thrust of his thick cock, each circle of his capable fingers, rewrites the code of my body to respond to him and him alone.
His teeth lightly sink into my shoulder, and I cum around him so hard it brings tears to my eyes as my pussy gushes around him.
“You are so perfect. So beautiful. I could spend every day in this perfect cunt and never get sick of it. Fill you with my cum every day, and it wouldn’t be enough.
Make you squirt every day, and it would still awe me every time.
” Each plunge into me makes me see stars, his words making them technicolor.
“Cum for me; please let me see you cum again,” he begs, and I couldn’t stop myself even if I wanted to.
Our bodies and pleasure crest and crash together in a flurry of gasps and groans.
When we’ve finally had our fill of each other’s pleasure, I curl into his side. Right here, right now, all the dread and confusion seem so far away. Maybe here, there’s a chance I will get to have my cake and eat it too.