Chapter 50
I scurry away on my crutches to grab Zeta. Tomorrow, if I’m well enough, I can put away the crutches and break out my cane. My knee is doing better, but if I’m in the championship finale, I’ll be using my cane in front of millions of people. The thought makes my throat dry as I wait in the tunnel.
I repeat my new mantra: they don’t pay my medical bills. They don’t help me on my bad days. They don’t care what I do or what I use. They only want to see me fight. And my cane looks super fucking cool.
Something I said to Jacob, long, long ago, pops into my head.
“The people that matter don’t care about your ability to do or not do something.
” The words settle the racing thoughts. No one I love cares if I can’t walk without support some days.
No one who cares about me will be mad that I have a disability.
Jacob doesn’t care if I need help walking to the shower.
Ava doesn’t care if my hands hurt too much to help her with hands-on work; she’ll gladly accept me walking her through it verbally.
My dad doesn’t care if my brain fog means an awkward delay when he asks me a question.
The people who matter don’t care about what I can or can’t do; they only care about me as a person.
They gladly accept the parts of me that are entwined with my disability if it means getting to be with me or talking to me.
I’m lost in thought when arms come around me, and ticklish kisses press into my neck.
“Ready, sweetheart?”
“I don't have much of a choice, do I?” I ask, spinning to kiss him.
“You’re going to do amazing,” Jacob says as he pulls me into a hug.
“Congratulations, by the way! I should have led with that.”
“Thank you.” He and Neil beam side by side.
“Alright, Mari!” A producer waves us out of the tunnel, and it’s showtime.
The announcer’s voice cuts through the music as I walk on, waving to the fans I didn’t know I had until recently.
“Tonight’s final battle will decide who goes to the championship to fight against Kilowatt.
Havoc’s got a long history of wins, undefeated this season.
They’ve made it to the championship in the past but have never secured a win.
Do you think they have a shot this year, Mark? ”
“Well, Dex, I think if their opponent was anyone else, it would be easy to predict, but they’re going up against the biggest wildcard we’ve ever seen here at Circuit Smack: ZetaMax and the unstoppable Mari Williams. Mari has taken this season by storm after her incredible run in the Last Shot Bot Trot. ”
“‘Incredible’ is right, especially after ZetaMax’s rough start under Joel Jaxon’s leadership.
ZetaMax changed hands and is now under the sole ownership of Mari, and what a change it’s been.
I’d hate to go against her. She’s on fire, just like her opponents after she’s done with them. Havoc better watch their back!”
I’ll never get used to this. Every time I see a sign cheering on Zeta or hear my name shouted, it’s surreal, like I’m in some sort of parallel universe where things work out for me regularly. I tune out the announcer’s chatter and focus on the arena, visualizing what’s coming.
Jacob gives me a thumbs up as the door closes, and he disappears to the stands with Neil.
I drive to the pink corner, maybe for the last time.
I know I’ll have a spot on Jacob’s team if I want it, maybe even drive for him.
There’s something special about having my own bot, though.
About all the people who helped me get here: the original team, my family, Jacob.
I want to build my own team. I want to do it all.
I swing my robot around to face Havoc. In three minutes or fewer, I will know if I’m packing my bags tonight or if I’ll be facing off against my boyfriend.
Is Jacob my boyfriend? Is that word too juvenile for people in their thirties?
I haven’t had time for anything more than a fling in years, so I haven’t thought about it.
How do we even have that conversation to decide?
I almost miss the “FIGHT!” command, driving on instinct when the word hits my ears.
The distraction was a disadvantage, and Havoc is on me before I can recover.
They have a wicked vertical bar spinner, and one hit sends Zeta careening across the ring.
When she lands with a thud, I can see that there’s a gigantic dent and gouge along her back.
I’m lucky I turned in the nick of time, and it hit there instead of anywhere else.
Going weapon-on-weapon with someone like Havoc might disable theirs, but it’ll do the same, or worse, to me.
My only course of action is to try to take them apart piece by piece.
Lucky for me, and unlucky for them, that’s my specialty.
With Zeta’s speed and more powerful weapon, I chip away at their wheels.
While Havoc has two sets, the inner set protected by the outer, they are a lot slower without all of them.
They slow their weapon down, so they don’t have to fight against the force, but are unable to make the sharp turns needed to catch or avoid me.
This is my chance. I hit them diagonally across the front.
“DID YOU SEE THAT?!”
“Zeta sheared that weapon clean off! Mari is relentless as she goes back for another hit.”
“Havoc could try to wait out the clock, but it seems unlikely for them to win in a judge’s decision.”
“TAP OUT!”
I almost drop my controller when the lights start flashing. There’s no one by my side to celebrate with me, but the crowd cheers, and Jacob and Neil yell and clap the loudest.
The post-match interview is a blur. I’m watching myself from the ceiling as Celia celebrates with me. I say all the right things, but I’m a thousand miles away. Shock and joy and fear overwhelm me.
It isn’t ‘til I’m back in the Builder Bay, with Jacob scooping me into his arms, that it really sinks in.
I won. I’m going to the Circuit Smack World Championship.
“I’m so proud of you,” he says into my neck, lips pressed to my skin. My “thank you” is muffled by the force of his embrace.
“Neil and I will help you start repairs, and I’m lending you Neil.”
“Why can’t you help?”
“There will be a lot of cameras back here,” he says, playing with a lock of my hair. “They want the team leaders leading their teams. I know; I’m annoyed, too.”
Though I’m disappointed, it makes sense.
To the rest of the world, we’re rivals, two competitors with a long history.
None of the behind-the-scenes footage has included us working together as far as I know.
Between the rivalry and the rule gray area, it’s probably better to keep pitching us as rivals.
Besides, while we’re not sneaking around anymore, outside of the kiss the other day, we’re acutely aware of where the cameras are at all times and give them no opportunities to catch us.
“Welcome to the team, Neil.”
Neil has worked on Kilowatt as long as Jacob has been fighting in the heavyweights.
He knows the motors. He’s smart, and he’s good.
He’s won as many local and regional championships as I have.
He is easy to work with, a byproduct of his time with Jacob.
We fall into a similar rhythm. Jacob went back to his team hours ago, and I fall into the familiar comfort of my checklist of triage and repairs with Neil.
“Mari,” he says after a while. This is the first time he’s spoken in an hour except to ask questions. “What are you thinking about?”
“How did you know I was thinking about anything?”
“You’ve been glancing over to Jacob every few minutes with a very fraught expression.” He is gentle and coaxing. “Whatever you’re thinking, let me put your mind at ease.” He furrows his brows before adding, “Unless it’s sex stuff—you’re on your own there.”
I let out a huff of laughter. “At first, I was worried about him using his knowledge of Zeta against me.” I click my rings together.
“Now, I’m kind of worried he’ll throw the match.
Give me a pity win.” The fresh fear started crossing my mind the second I got back to the Bay.
What if I don’t earn this? What if I’m handed it?
I don’t want that. I want a chance, not a gift.
Neil chuckles, kind eyes sparkling in the bright lights.
“I’m about 99.9 percent sure that if Jacob were playing a board game with a toddler, he still wouldn’t let the toddler win.
” A laugh bursts out of me, and he smiles.
“He’s not a bad guy, but when it comes to his competitiveness, he doesn’t see losing as an option.
Losing is always a risk he’s not willing to take.
I’ve seen him spiral after a series of losses.
” He leans on the table across from me, so similarly to his best friend.
I’ve known them both for years, but it never occurred to me that they seem more like brothers than friends. Their overlapping mannerisms are almost familial. It soothes me in a way I didn’t expect.
“He’ll start stressing about sponsorships.
How it reflects on his day job. He’s never been in danger of losing any of that, but he thinks it’s all he has.
He wants to win, but it’s also what he thinks he needs to survive and be happy.
One loss won’t break his spirit, but he’d never pull his punches, so to speak, even for you.
” His lips tilt playfully. “Honestly, I think he goes harder on you in fights than he does anyone else. I’ve seen him make moves he wouldn’t dare risk with anyone else if he thinks it’ll give him the edge in the arena.
” I swallow and nod. That familiar fear that he’ll use what he knows to get ahead creeps in, like a cold puddle in my shoes.
Even if I know it’s not a valid fear, it makes me shiver.
As if sensing it, Neil shakes his head. “Not like that. Never like that. Never again. He knows he fucked up.”
“Did you believe him? When he said his bot didn’t malfunction?”
“At first.” He rubs the back of his neck. “But the more you escalated, the worse he felt. He was a wreck when he finally came clean to me. I tried to convince him to come forward, make amends, but he was too in his head.”
“That’s what he told me, too.”
“He’s agonized over it for years. I know he’d never do anything like it again. And I also know that he’ll do his best to beat you tomorrow, fair and square.”
The words are a balm, soothing the chafing of the past. “I’m going to kick his ass,” I laugh.
Neil’s eyes crinkle at the edges as he joins me. “I don’t doubt that one bit.”