Chapter 28
EILEEN
Rain pours down my face. Overhead, thunder roars. The wind knocks against my coat and bag as I run.
I can’t anymore.
I have to get away.
This day has been the worst. Jason and I spent the entire morning running around, shuttling the wedding party to their hotel rooms and doing last minute outfit checks. Then we had to keep them entertained while also handling a catering snafu.
Who leaves the seafood outside the refrigerator overnight?
Mom blamed me. I hired the wrong caterer. If I had hired Amanda like Charlie had requested this wedding would be on track.
It didn’t even matter that Charlie demanded peonies in the flower arrangements. Not just any peonies. White blush pink. Of course, she had to take my favorite flowers from me too.
But it was fine because things were going smoothly.
We were in the clear. Things were finally coming together. We sent the last of the party favors with the bridesmaids to finish. Thank fuck Charlie’s real friends are more reliable than she is.
And then Jason had to open his big fucking mouth.
“Your birthday’s coming up right?”
That’s the straw that broke my fucking back.
I’m so tired of everything—of my family shitting on me, of being overworked and underappreciated, and of nothing I do ever being good enough to make a difference.
I’m so sick of living this shitty life where no one thinks of me, and I just have to take it.
Even when I beg them to listen.
So, I finally do something I’ve never done in my life.
I run.
Jason’s voice calls after me for a while.
“Eileen, wait, what’s happening?” He yells, his voice distorted by the sound of the pouring rain. “Sweetheart, stop.”
Eventually it fades. I think he got the message. I’m better off not dealing—
“Hey, wait,” Jason says as he catches my hand.
Dammit, I think as I turn around and find him too close to me.
His hair wet, drops pouring down his face but the intensity on his whiskey colored eyes make my heart skip several beats. But I shove away the fluttering butterflies that swirl around every time he is near.
What’s the point of being attracted to someone who is about to fade?
“How are you so fucking fast!”
“I’m taller!” He shouts, more panicked than upset. “Now will you tell me what’s wrong?”
I shrug. What’s the point in talking about me?
“I upset you.” He isn’t asking but stating.
“It doesn’t matter,” I say.
“Of course it does! Look at me, Eileen,” he says.
I stare up at his big beautiful brown eyes and the pained expression he has on his face.
It guts me.
He’s upset.
“What? Why does it even matter?”
“Because you’re hurting,” he says, licking his lips. “Can we please talk about it?”
What’s the use in talking about it?
No one ever listens. Nor fucking cares what I think, or feel, or what happens to me. Except for Camilla. She’s the only one who would care what’s going on with me, and I can’t even reach her.
No one else gives a fuck about me.
Even if they did, I honestly doubt they know how to think about anyone but themselves.
It’s been years and years of trying to get my family to listen, trying to get them to forgive, and for what?
For making sure Charlie finished high school. For not pushing my help on her when she wanted to find her own way? Even then it doesn’t matter because there’s always another reason to be angry at me, or disappointed.
They can’t live with me, but fuck me if I’m not on call to wait on them hand and foot.
My entire life is swarming in mangled, unrequited relationships.
So why does Jason want to be any different?
“Why do you care?” I ask, maybe even whimper.
He takes a step forward. We’re inches apart. He puts his hands on my shoulders, squeezing lightly. He opens his mouth, the immediately snaps it shut. He does that a few more times.
Jason’s eyes are so sad but so sincere.
It’s like he’s trying to say something, but the words aren’t coming.
For some reason, it reminds of a few days ago. We were in my favorite antique shop and I was trying to tell him not to give up on his dreams. He asked me the same thing.
Why do you even care?
My breath catches. I know what I wanted to say.
He’s the only thing that’s made me happy in a really long time. Of course, I care if he’s even an ounce as happy as he’s made me.
Suddenly, my body just reacts, hugging him tightly. He hugs me back, just as tight.
He feels so safe. Like... like a home I wish I knew.
Rain masks my tears as Jason’s arms shield me from the bullshit of the world. Part of me thinks I can’t trust him, or anyone for that matter.
There’s no point in making myself vulnerable to someone else.
He hums an old love song under his breath. I don’t know if he does it for his sake or mine. Regardless, it makes me think maybe he isn’t someone or just another person.
Maybe he’s the only person who’s ever cared enough to matter.
“My birthday,” I mumble, letting the words out, the resentment.
The anger that’s been brewing in my gut for the past two weeks.
“I’m planning her fucking wedding for my birthday,” I explain further. Each word tastes like bile. “My graduation day. Because Charlie doesn’t give a fuck about anyone else! She doesn’t care. None of them do.”
If she hadn’t been pregnant, I would’ve been traveling alone to Aruba. Happy Birthday, pathetic loser.
Jason hugs me tighter.
We stand there, hugging in the rain, for another minute or so. It feels like we’re the only people in existence.
“You wouldn’t happen to have an umbrella in that giant purse of yours?” he asks, not letting me go.
I shake my head.
“You’re kidding?”
“It barely rains in this forsaken desert,” I say with a chuckle.
He laughs. It makes my nerves bubble up into laughter. He’s good at making the unbearable wonderful.
“Wanna find somewhere drier?” he asks. “I know a place up the road, and I think you literally owe me a raincheck on drinks.”
I smirk, squeezing one last time before I let him go.
“Lead the way,” I say.