Chapter 34
JASON
For once, I don’t wake up at the ass crack of dawn. The first thing I see is Eileen lying beside me. My arms wrapped around her. Last night comes back like a sucker punch to the gut.
Fuck, those kisses, the way her body responds to my touch. She’s just everything. She’s so fucking amazing, and the little sex we’ve had together is better than anyone I’ve ever been with. Hell, it’s better than anything I have ever experienced.
I think I could spend forever here, like this, with her— well, not exactly here because we definitely need to shower at some point. But something like this would be nice.
Still, I can’t believe she woke up to watch the news with me. It’s the stuff dreams are made of. Okay, it’s the stuff my dreams are made of.
A little minor detail decides to rear its ugly head my way. I told Eileen we could hookup as friends, right after I spent all day avoiding her and pretending I didn’t remember any of the night before.
Shit, shit, fuck! Why am I so stupid?
She gave me plenty of chances to say something, change my stupid mind. But I avoided her. Sometimes, avoiding reality seems like an easy fix until you fuck up what has become the most important relationship of your life.
She brought the fucking conversation up herself. Why didn’t I take that opportunity?
Because admitting I have feelings would mean giving her full permission to reject me, break my heart, and crush my soul, I recall.
Right, shit. I’m fucked.
What am I supposed to do now? Fuck her for the rest of the weekend and then part ways? Keep her as a booty call until she gets sick of my bullshit and leaves? Or whatever the third option is that I can’t think of right now?
I wonder if faking amnesia is an option.
Why Eileen? I ask silently, looking at her.
What did you do?
No, the question is what did I allow myself to do?
Okay, deep breaths Spearman. You’ve been in stickier situations with more to lose before.
Something in me wonders if there’s anything bigger, anything that could top losing Eileen? Fuck, I wish I could slap myself right now. This is terrible. I should be able to talk myself out of this bullshit but—
Jossie, that’s it!
All I have to do is get Jossie to shake the feelings out of me. She’ll tell me I’m screwing up my life for someone who’s a statistical risk, make me see all of Eileen’s flaws, and then I can move on with my life.
That was Jackson’s job, until Miss Emmeline came to his life, and now he wants the entire world to experience the ray of sunshine he gets to bask in every fucking day.
I look at Eileen, wondering if she is the warmth I need to keep me alive.
Easy boy, now you’re being poetic and shit?
Lose her before she kicks you to the curb and stomps on your heart. The other one broke me. Eileen can destroy me completely.
But in the mean time I might as well enjoy the moment. I reach over and pull her to me. She groans softly, opening one eye and giving me a pleased smile.
“Morning, sleepy head,” I greet her.
She blinks a couple of times and moans.
Oh fuck, don’t do that. Just the sound makes me hard. Makes me want to be inside her. I brush her loose curls away and cup her face, connecting our gazes.
“Hey,” she whispers as I brush my lips against her forehead and kiss her nose.
I can’t remember what day today is. All I want is to stay in bed memorizing every inch of her body. Searing this moment into my mind before we say goodbye. As wonderful as it would be to wake up next to her everyday, I know it’s impossible.
Who knows what I would do to fuck her up and make her run far away. I only know that it’s a certainty that would happen.
So I do what I know. Stay in the moment. I unleash the beautiful sound of her moans as I make my way down her body, licking every freckle, birthmark and scar I find on my way down her gorgeous body. I part her thighs and slip my fingers along her wet heat. She groans and I kiss her with hunger.
There’s no better way to wake up or any place that I’d rather be.
Starting my day as I lose myself in the kiss and her body. Eileen moves her leg on top of my hip and positions the tip of my cock right at her tender entrance. She’s so fucking wet, I slide inside, feeling her walls spasm around my thick length as I stretch her channel.
“Fuck, if I could live buried inside you,” I whisper, hugging her body and rolling so I end up on top of her.
We stare at each other, and I wonder who will be the lucky man. The lucky man who will win this woman’s heart?
She’s perfect in so many ways. Who knew Eileen McBean would be fun, intelligent and great in bed?
“You’re thinking,” she says, running her soft fingers along my jaw. “Stop. It’s so loud.
“Just let it all go,” she mutters, her voice so low I can barely hear her.
I slow down my pace as I get lost in her eyes, moving lazily in and out of her heat. Softly, reverently, the way she deserves it.
There’s no urgency to end this. I stare into her eyes.
Soft, understanding and dangerously honest.
I could get lost in them forever.
What I would give to just be with this woman. Eileen smiles softly at me, and that smile just sucks all the air out of my lungs when she gives it just to me.
There are no words between us, just the air surrounding us as we continue melting into each other. The music around us is composed by our moans and the sound of our bodies as we move in soft circles grinding against each other.
If I ever thought about a perfect moment, this might be it.
I’m at the edge of the abysm but holding onto a thread before I let the pleasure take me away. I’m savoring the moment, letting it sink in as the last time we will be together like this. Allowing the sizzling electricity to sear every cell of my body, transforming them.
Whatever I become after she leaves will be happier than the man she found. I’ll have the memories of her to keep me company, and I can’t imagine a better treasure to carry in my heart.
Don’t think, she mouths.
I give her a smile and continue. I would give her anything she asks right at this moment. My fortune, my heart, my entire life. Me.
Losing myself, I follow the rhythm of her body. She shudders and I know she’s close. My hand finds her sweet, swollen clit and I begin to rub circles around it while thrusting faster.
I want to hear her cry with ecstasy. Remember how great this can be for her. That receiving is also gratifying. If I can only give her more than just this moment.
Her cries echo through the room. Her body twisting under mine as my own orgasm takes over me and I shudder on top of the most amazing woman I’ve ever met.