Chapter 36
EILEEN
Nine years ago
“Cheating,” my mother shouts. “Not only was she kicked out for poor attendance and failing grades, she was under review by the university for suspected plagiarism.”
I’ve never seen her so angry before in my entire life. When she called me into her bedroom, she snapped at me to sit down and then spent the first ten minutes stomping back and forth. She keeps growling menacingly.
My dad sits silently in his recliner in the corner of the room. It was his dad’s chair originally. It creaks with any sudden movement, whining louder than when Sam was a baby and couldn’t sleep through the night.
Occasionally, Dad will take a sip of his beer. But it’s been dead silent since my mom told me to sit down.
Until she just started shouting at me a moment ago.
“She said they dropped that last year,” I argue quietly.
My mom glares as if to say, now is not the time.
I shut up.
“She had perfectly good grades in high school,” she rants. “Top of her class.”
That was me, not Charlie.
“She’s smart,” I say, staring at my feet.
“So doing her assignments, writing her notes that she could use for participation points—you had absolutely nothing to do with that?”
I swallow thickly. “I—”
“Her admissions essay.” My mom is practically in tears at this point. “That beautiful piece on belonging and community involvement that made your father cry. That was—”
“It was true! I talked to her before I wrote it—”
“I’m done with your lies, Eileen,” she says, indignantly. “Thanks to you, we’ve wasted a year and a half on tuition. Years of her education are gone. You’ve made your sister completely useless.”
No, Mom, that was you.
I stare down at my sneakers. They’re covered in sharpie from that night a few years ago when Charlie tried to sneak into the house while high on molly. I took her to the park and let her draw on my shoes until she sobered up more. It was a miracle we didn’t get caught.
I fight back the urge to point out that Charlie’s read everything I’ve ever given her. At least, that’s what I think. In her defense, she got good scores on tests because we’d study together. She could explain things so well once she got the gist of a concept.
She isn’t useless. Charlie needs a little push, not a hovering mother trying to solve her life or finding someone to solve her life.
She just hates school. Hates how hard it is to focus or sit still.
“I’m sorry,” I say quietly. “I didn’t mean—”
“It doesn’t matter what you meant, Eileen,” my dad finally says something. “It wasn’t your call. You’ve ruined your sister’s life.”
I guess I did.
I didn’t mean to ruin anything. I was just trying to help her, but she flunked out of school. It’ll take forever to get her to graduate somewhere else. That’s assuming she wants to go back to school.
“So now what?” I say, worried for Charlie but also scared shitless for myself.
These two are going to make me pay back every cent they invested on my sister, or worse, they won’t pay for my college education.
“Since you’ve taken it upon yourself to control her life and parent for her, you get to fix this situation,” my mom says. “Find her a job, get her a career. Fix what you’ve broken, Eileen.”
I wince. “Okay,” I whisper.
My mom points to the door. I take the cue to run. I can still hear them shouting, but it’s easier to drown it out once I’m out of their bedroom. I go looking for Charlie.
She’s out in the backyard, sitting on one of our swings. She’s staring listlessly at the view of the mountains peaking over our fence.
“Mind if I sit here?” I ask, approaching her carefully.
Charlie nods slowly. The glazed look in her eyes fades as she turns to stare at me. I guess she was just daydreaming. She used to get high a lot in high school. I could never understand what the appeal was, but she always seemed happier during those quiet moments before she came down.
A year ago, she told me she had a bad trip and as a result, she wanted to get clean.
She told me not to help her anymore because she wanted to do things on her own.
Wanted to stand on her own two feet for once.
I guess it worked because she stopped calling me in the middle of the night, sobbing that everyone hates her.
She grins at me sadly. It doesn’t explain where she’d go when she was ditching class—or how she spent the last four months of her life.
We sit there for a while, the late spring breeze pushing us lightly as it rushes past us. The crickets keep us from falling into unbearable silence.
“What now?” she asks at some point.
I take a deep breath. If I were being honest, I’d say, “I don’t know, I think we’re fucked.”
Neither of us have the privilege of time or uncertainty, however.
Instead I say, “We have options. You could go to another school—”
“No, Eileen,” she says. “I’m never going back to school it’s—it’s too hard, okay?”
I nod. “There’s lots of things you can try. Like so many fucking careers and businesses that don’t necessarily need a degree.”
She sighs. “Like what?”
“Like... a party planner?”
“You’re kidding, right?”
I shrug. “You love parties, decorations, telling people what to do?”
She laughs. It helps ease the tension out of my shoulders.
Charlie scoots over, leaning her head on my shoulder. We watch the sunset together.
“Okay, weddings, bar mitzvahs, baptisms and everything you need,” she says softly. “Let’s try that.”