Chapter 30
STERLING
I pull June’s sleepy body closer to me and kiss the top of her head.
What can I do to convince her to be mine?
In the big scheme of things, I am in charge of my life.
Nothing is set in stone. Why is it that I’m not bending my own rules?
I rebelled against my parents and anyone who tried to come between me and what I wanted.
For the past twenty years, I’ve fought for what I believe is my future, for what I love, and I showed everyone that I’m capable of succeeding on my own.
I’ve been making my mark through the world but today I realized that none of that matters.
They’re insignificant compared to June and our little ones.
I used to live under the illusion that I lived for me.
This is a first. The day I come to realize that there’s more to what I’ve done in the past thirty-seven years.
I used to control my emotions and June Spearman appeared in my life and proved me wrong—or showed me what’s right.
The woman who lives to control everything around her, taught me to release my heart and let it feel.
Looking at her, I smile. This is what I want. Having June between my arms every night. She is who I want, who I need. The life we can forge together. Ever since Kara, I told myself the same lie again and again, that I don’t deserve love and I can’t love. I closed myself up to the possibilities.
Earlier, I tried to keep the lie alive but the thought of not seeing June or my children stopped me. I found the courage to fight for her. I could sit on my ass and claim that love isn’t for me. It’d be so much easier to give up before anything serious starts.
Who am I kidding? We’ve been trying to fool ourselves. The attraction began the moment I spotted her.
If I have to ask when was the moment we reached the point of no return…
that’d be our first kiss. I recall the intensity, the heat, and how I started to fall.
I’m still falling. This thing we share is fragile.
Forged by lust, in the middle of a wildfire.
I don’t dare to give it a name because it’s too early.
She releases a throaty moan while still sleeping. I smile and brush away some strands of hair from her face. I then caress her flat belly, wondering how things will be when the babies arrive. They'll flip my life upside down.
Just like June.
She was unexpected, and yet, in weeks she changed everything. I’ve yet to explain what exactly it is about her that made me fall for her. Maybe it’s the way she cares for me.
June makes me see myself in a different way. She cares for me in a way no one has ever cared. Fuck, how I wish it was love. Maybe it is and like me, she’s fighting it. Either way, I’ll try to win her over.
I can’t lose her.
My soul would die. I feel her sunshine fill my lungs each time we kiss. She’s more than air. She’s all I need to survive.
Am I ready to love her?
This feeling is so much different from what I’ve experienced.
I’ve never felt the magic I feel when I’m with June. She’s a gift.
June snuggles closer to me, molding her body perfectly with me. We’re imperfect, filled with flaws but she has everything I’m missing. She completes me. What is it that I have to do to prove to her that I’m not leaving?
“I love you,” I whisper before I close my eyes. Maybe soon, I’ll have the courage to say it out loud.