Chapter 46
HANNAH
Alex has been nothing but supportive of the guys. He made sure Duncan’s assistant took Zeke and Rocco to the rehab centers Dad contacted. They’re going to two different places to ensure that neither one interrupts the other’s recovery.
Afterwards, he went to the airport with Tucker.
Tuck’s on his way to Colorado. The Spearmans are helping him get settled.
Sterling is even renting him his old penthouse.
Em, his new assistant, is finding him office space where he can start his new venture.
He has a lot of ideas but nothing concrete.
Jason is going to help him figure out what he can do.
Ethan drives us to my parents’ house. On our way over, he tells me he’s been too busy working on himself. So busy, he skipped Cancun.
“I should’ve been there,” he says.
“Are you taking the blame for what happened?” I laugh. “That’s crazy. Cancun was the drop that spilled the glass of water. Zeke and Rocco need to want to quit. We have to help them once they’re out. Zero alcohol. I could blame myself for drinking so much when Alicia died.”
“Maybe this is what we need to really fix ourselves,” he says. His face sags. “To go our separate ways.”
“Tuck’s just a few hours away,” I say reassuringly.
He’s not in love with Tuck, but they’re inseparable.
“So, what if we move the magazine to Colorado?” he proposes.
I laugh out loud. “You’re crazy. Let’s wait, okay? Alex is moving his shop, and he’s not sure where he wants to set it up. We can try to figure this out together.”
“Finally, you’re back,” he says.
“I wouldn’t say back, but I’m definitely moving forward,” I tell him. “Just trying this life thing one breath at a time.”
When I arrive at my parents’ home, Sadie’s playing with Bruno.
“I like him,” she says.
“He grows on you,” I agree. “It’s only been a few days, but I think he likes me.”
“I’m talking about Alex,” she corrects. “But the pup is nice, too. Draco makes me miss Sin.”
“You should get a new cat,” I suggest. “Eighteen more years of feline happiness.”
I was nine when Dad gifted her Sin. He died two years ago.
Sin’s the reason I got Draco in the first place.
Sin and I were inseparable until I moved out of the house.
I missed him so much for so many years that I decided to get my own kitten—hypoallergenic, so Sadie and my little siblings can be around him.
“We have plenty of pets,” she reminds me. “Parrots, turtles, a chinchilla, two lizards...we don’t need a new one.”
“You can always cat sit for me.”
“What’s happening with Alex?”
“Not sure, all I know is that I’ve never felt anything this deep,” I tell her. “Whatever we have feels right. It’s simple. We accept each other as is. Even drive each other crazy. It’s a balance.”
“I’m happy to hear that, I always knew there was something between you and the annoying big brother.” She laughs. “How are you? This morning you sounded…odd.”
Without pausing, I tell her everything that’s happening. Why I called her, and the thoughts that rose when I did. “Overall, I’m better. Sorry again, for telling you that you weren’t my mom.”
“You were hurting, I forgave you the moment you said it. I was mostly worried about you,” she says. “When my mom died, I felt lost. She promised so many times to change and be a better mother. She only contacted me to get some money. Still, a part of me always wanted her to be there for me.”
“Why do we hope they’ll change and love us?”
She touches the left side of her chest. “It’s ingrained in your heart before you’re born. You loved them, and you expect them to love you fiercely.”
“Thank you for accepting me as yours,” I say, and it is nice to finally blurt out what I’ve meant to tell her for the past twelve months. “You didn’t have to, but you opened your heart to me.”
She looks at me with a nostalgia I’ve never seen before.
“I remember the day I met you so well. I knew how much your dad guarded his girls. He adores you fiercely and wouldn’t just introduce you to anyone.
The fact that he brought you to me meant the world to me.
He trusted I’d love you. Everything about you was magical and perfect.
You’re the best present I’ve ever received in my entire life.
“It was as if I was told, here, she’s yours to love. I remember our movie marathons. We would dance to whatever Disney nonsense you were watching. As you grew, we found other things. With you, it was always easy.”
“Until I made it complicated,” I say, as if finishing her thoughts.
“No, it wasn’t you. Life happened; the little ones kept me busy. The band showed you a different way. You wanted to experience freedom without us hovering. Everything after that was just the snowball effect.”
“I miss our mom and me time,” I confess.
“What are you going to do about your job?”
“Not sure yet, Alex asked me why I taught when I owned a communications conglomerate. It occurred to me that I do have a pretty cool company waiting for me if I wanted to.”
“Would you come back?”
Alex: I’m on my way back to your parents’ house. Can I take you out to dinner?
Hannah: What about the paparazzi? They’re looking for us.
Alex: June and your PR department fixed that. They think the guys are in LA partying. You’re off the hook.
Hannah: A bite sounds good.
Alex: I’ll get a room for the night.
“Can we stay in the pool house for the night?”
“Dad is in town with a new lady friend,” she answers and that’s a no, stay away.
I scrunch my nose. Her dad is the sweetest man—but at his age, he’s still dating. Go him, but the visual is always disturbing.
“Okay then, I’m saying yes to staying at a hotel.”
“You two are staying with us. I already have your room and the guest room ready.”
“My room is still here?”
She nods. “Of course, it is. After Tess’s wedding, I thought you’d be coming more often, but …”
“I’ll come often. I promise.”
“Stay with us, please.”
We head to the greenhouse to check on her plants. Once I’m in, I get lost in an ocean of flowers and herbs. I lose track of time. It’s so easy to get lost among the plants while I sing. But when Alex arrives, I feel him.
My stomach makes a full-on flip when I spot him, standing by the entrance watching me. He’s wearing a suit, and his hair is damp.
“Hi,” he says.
“Hi.” I nod at the bouquet of flowers he’s carrying. “Did you cut them from the landscape?”
He stands straight and looks down at the colorful wildflowers. Sea holly, green hypericum berries, ornamental kale, trachelium, green mini hydrangea, and seeded eucalyptus.
My favorites.
“How did you know?”
“A little bird told me this was the perfect one for you.”
I look at the ribbon with the hummingbird designs and smile. “You went to Mom’s shop?”
He flicks his wrist toward me, extending them. “You’re not ready.”
I reach for them, then get close enough and rise on my tiptoes, kissing his chin. “Thank you. They’re perfect.”
“What’s the story?” he asks. “I was expecting to buy roses. But after a long conversation about meaning and colors, your name came up, and the manager, Raven, said this is it.”
“That’s my first design,” I tell him. “I made it for a guy who wanted something different for his girlfriend.”
“It’s different,” he agrees.
“Beautiful and unique. The colors blend, and it gives you the feel of the ocean.”
“You like to live by the ocean.”
“Yeah, the water gives me a certain peace.”
“I’m moving out of San Francisco,” he says softly.
I stare at him because, this time, it feels official, and it involves me.
“Is there any way you can help me find a place for us?”
“You’re asking me to move in with you?”
“I know, it’s a crazy request, but I want to continue exploring us. Losing you isn’t an option.”
“It is too fast,” I agree, touching the leaves of the flowers, concentrating on the patterns that you can only see if you look closely.
“We’re not doing it immediately. I asked my employees to give me up to a year. In the meantime, I’m helping them financially to offset the cost of living.”
Looking at him, I’m floored by what he’s doing for his people. I’m not sure we’re doing that much for our employees. Maybe I should ask Ethan about our benefits and the cost of living in this city, which can be expensive.
“What if I want to move back to Seattle?”
“There are cheaper places around Seattle, would that work?”
There’s something in his tone, a touch of vulnerability I’m not used to hearing from him. Perhaps he has other plans, or maybe, he’s thinking about being close to his family. After all, he’s the last Spearman living in California.
“What about Denver?” I ask, sensing Seattle isn’t what he was expecting at all.
He smiles. “Why don’t we research and make a decision—together? I hear there’re plenty of lakes in Colorado.”
I suck in a breath for a second. “You’re right, you’re skipping too many steps. I might go back to school and what if I end up in Texas for the next four years? Or maybe, I want to start taking charge of the company and run it along with Ethan.”
“Dinner,” he says. “We’re having dinner, our first official date, without pretending we’re not together.”
I blow out a long breath as I consider what’s taken place today.
A simple dinner sounds like a wonderful idea.
Looking into his eyes, I find myself calm.
This is what he does, what he’s always done for me.
Makes me feel safe. That’s why I always seek him.
Also, why I hated him. I hated that he left and never turned back.
“Why did you do it?”
He frowns.
“The first time we were together…you suddenly turned cold and left.”
“You touched my scars,” he says, closing his eyes for a second. “It was too intimate, and I couldn’t handle it at the time. I was still mad at the world, and you were being…you.”
I snort, getting upset by his answer. “What does that mean?”
“When I see you, I see light, peace. Calm.” He scrubs his face with both hands.
“You soothed me. I wasn’t ready to move on from the anger.
You have this spark that transforms everything, and I couldn’t stand it then.
I’m sorry for being such an ass. There’s not a day I don’t tell myself that I was a fucking idiot. ”
“It’s the first time I let myself be…me after Davis,” I confess. “When you left, I felt used and empty.”
“Fuck, I’m so sorry,” he says and takes me into his arms. “If you let me, I’ll make it up to you.”
“Let’s see how this first date goes, then we can talk about making up for lost time.”