CHAPTER 20
Thirty-five minutes later Maeve was dressed and strapped in the BabyBjorn wearing a tiny hat and they were ready to go.
She could see James walking down the road from his cabin. His broad chest stretched out his t-shirt and his calves were still tanned from summer. He looked like a guy who should run up these hills, not walk them.
He arrived at the foot of her verandah stairs with Eileen. ‘You okay if I take her off the leash once we get going?’ he asked.
‘Sure,’ replied Poppy. ‘She seems much less skittish now.’
‘Only around you and Maeve. My last dog was a good judge of character too, and I should have paid more attention to that.’
Poppy raised her eyebrow but it seemed James was done with that conversation.
‘You ready?’ he asked.
‘Ready,’ she confirmed.
They set off up the bitumen road, following it past the cabins further up the hill before turning onto a gravel track that veered back to the dam. Poppy had spent the last half-hour worrying about how they’d cope without his conversation starters but somehow the chat flowed easily. With all those walks around the golf course, they’d developed a companionable rhythm and she hadn’t even realised. Something inside her flared with irritation—he’d forced her into that; she’d never wanted to hang out with him!—but then she remembered eating Cornflakes on the verandah with the sun casting its glow over the dusty furniture and she felt her frustration dissolve like motes of dust in the autumn air. She’d needed help post-yoghurt explosion and he’d offered. That didn’t seem sinister. It seemed kind of decent.
As they crested the hill, James said, ‘So I have to warn you, my whole family will be at lunch. Aunties, uncles, cousins, everyone.’
‘But not Mary,’ said Poppy.
‘Yes,’ conceded James. ‘And … not my dad.’
Poppy nodded. ‘I remember you mentioned something about that.’
‘Yeah.’ James tugged the collar of his t-shirt. ‘We never see him.’
Down at the dam, a trailer reversed a boat to the water’s edge and gleeful cheers from wetsuited kids rang up the valley.
‘What happened?’ asked Poppy. ‘You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to. I’m just interested.’
James glanced at her quickly then back at the gravel path. ‘He and Mum broke up when I was in high school,’ he said. ‘He didn’t treat her very well. He wasn’t a good guy, to be honest. We were living in Forbes, but as soon as we’d all graduated from high school Mum moved to Orange. My siblings and I followed fairly soon after. We’re pretty close like that. None of us speak to Dad.’
He said it matter-of-factly, as though reading from the dictionary: succinct, without caveats and unnecessary detail. In the distance, the boat puttered to the centre of the dam, its wake rippling wider until it was absorbed into the stillness. She’d never noticed before but he seemed so sure of himself. The way he spoke about his father. Even the way he announced he was going back to uni, like it wasn’t a big deal to reverse your life into quasi-adolescence. Poppy couldn’t imagine doing either so confidently or so freely, but as James loped along beside her, she doubted he’d spare the brain power worrying about what other people thought. Maybe that was why he came across as such a douchebag.
‘What about Maeve’s dad?’ asked James. ‘He’s still in Sydney?’
Poppy felt a reflexive pinch in the pit of her stomach but she tried to ignore it. There was no point lying. James had been in the delivery room. He already knew too much.
‘Yep, he’s in Sydney,’ she replied. She kicked at a pebble in their path. ‘He’s still stuck in his inner-city, work-hard-party-hard lifestyle. We’d been together nine years, but when I fell pregnant I realised I’d grown up and I didn’t want that life anymore. I mean, Maeve was very much a surprise, but when I saw those two lines on the stick, I felt a sense of “Yes, okay, this is what I’m doing now.” I was ready, you know? When Patrick couldn’t get on board, I finally understood how unsuited we were. He hardly cared when I said we should break up, so it was very mutual, which is worse than it sounds.’
On her chest, Maeve dozed peacefully in the carrier, her fingers curled into the fabric of her onesie. Poppy hadn’t talked about the break-up like this with anyone. Dani and her parents had witnessed it happening in real time, so hadn’t received the condensed version stripped of the adrenaline and hormones and swearing and tears. Telling the story like this made it sound kind of simple. A guy and girl who’d fail any Instagram quiz on compatibility. They’d been a big Jenga tower with blocks sliding out all over the place, and they hadn’t realised until it all came tumbling down.
Poppy sighed. ‘I never wanted to be a single parent. Like, I would love someone to help me with Maeve so I could rest sometimes, but I don’t regret the decision to have Maeve for a second, and I have to keep telling myself it won’t always be like this. And Patrick wouldn’t have helped anyway. He would have worked too late or been too hungover to do anything. It’s probably easier this way, knowing I only have myself to rely on rather than being constantly disappointed. That would drive me insane.’
James was silent, his eyes on the path. It was easy to talk when no eye contact was required. ‘Will he be involved in Maeve’s life?’ he asked.
‘I’m open to it,’ said Poppy. ‘It would be easier if I could cut him out properly and move on, but you know, a kid needs a dad.’
She thought of her own dad. Quiet, comforting, pretty hopeless at lots of things but always a steady shoulder to lean on. She felt tears spring up just thinking about him that way. She blinked them away, embarrassed.
‘Do you have any support in town?’ James asked. ‘Your parents live in Orange, don’t they?’
Poppy nodded. ‘Yep, they do, which is great. I see Mum at least every week. She’s a very passionate grandmother. Lots of love, lots of opinions.’
James smiled. ‘Sounds normal.’
‘I know. I’m lucky, really. I just wish I had some other opinions to balance out Mum’s. I don’t really know anyone else in town.’
James looked across to Maeve, sleeping contentedly on her chest. ‘I’d offer you a place on my cricket team, but I’m guessing that’s out of the question?’
Poppy groaned. ‘That would be out of the question whether I had a baby or not. I’m used to getting kicked off sports teams for lack of ability, so I avoid the humiliation by never signing up.’
‘You wouldn’t get kicked off a social team.’
Poppy gave a wry chuckle. ‘I have seen social teams where grown men have punched umpires over a mistimed bounce pass.’ She shook her head. ‘Nope, sports are not for me. I’m going to grow old gracefully and non-actively.’
‘That’s a lie, you walk every day.’
‘That doesn’t count as sport.’
‘I suppose not, but I’m glad you do it.’
Poppy glanced at him.
‘It’s been great for Eileen; she’s come a long way in her puppy training. And I benefit too, obviously.’ He smiled at her and, if Poppy wasn’t mistaken, his eyes did a quick slide up and down her body. Was he checking her out?! On purpose? How mortifying! She was literally wearing a baby.
They walked a few paces before James spoke again. ‘Have you tried to make friends?’
Poppy was so glad he’d broken the silence she wasn’t even offended by the implication she was a friendless loser.
‘Of course,’ she muttered. ‘I’m friends with Mary.’ (Okay, maybe that sounded a bit loser-ish.) ‘I’ve also met a few people through mothers’ group. So, you know, I have prospects. I won’t be a loner forever.’
‘Hmmm.’
‘You’re saying “hmmm” like you don’t believe me.’
‘No, I’m not.’
‘Then why are you hmmm-ing like that?’
‘You’re reading too much into it.’
‘It obviously means something if you said it with that expression on your face.’
The corners of James’s lips curved upwards. ‘What expression was that?’
Poppy stepped over a tree root and Maeve bumped against her chest. His almost-smile could be so infuriating. A nerve-crackling mix of smugness, condescension and complete obliviousness to its power.
‘Hmmm,’ said James again, then laughed. ‘Sorry I didn’t mean to do that. I was actually thinking about how hard it would be to make friends without sport or work. You could borrow the conversation starters if you need to?’
Poppy rolled her eyes. ‘I’ll be fine, thanks.’
‘Well, I may have grown up in Forbes but if you want my advice on what brings people together in Orange these days, I’ll tell you: real estate chat. Buying, selling or renovating, it doesn’t matter which one—they’re all acceptable.’
Poppy readjusted Maeve’s hat in the carrier. ‘Maybe I’ll have to start watching The Block . As a single, jobless mum, that will be the extent of my involvement in the property market.’
‘Not a bad outcome,’ James said approvingly.
‘You’re a fan?’ asked Poppy, glad to be veering away from the heavy topics.
‘Yep, it’s a tradition. Work, gym, dinner, The Block . I get sad whenever a season ends. I’m like: what do I watch now? A Current Affair ? Kill me.’
‘That’s funny,’ said Poppy. ‘I would not have picked you as a reality TV fan.’
‘I’m not. The Block doesn’t count. It’s very manly and practical. You pick up lots of useful tips—manage your budget, waterproof on Wednesdays—and the auction finales are epic.’
Poppy smirked. ‘I’ll take your word for it.’
‘You don’t watch The Block ?’
‘Nope, never. I’m too busy. And a bit too cool.’
‘No-one is too cool for The Block , Poppy. The Block is cool. Scott Cam is cool. When the next finale is on, you can come over and watch it at mine, if you want? I’ll commentate for you. You’ll be on the edge of your seat, I promise.’
Poppy glanced at him. He’d issued this invitation so casually, so confidently, like having a single mum over to his place to watch TV was normal. Was he being friendly or was he a serial killer? In this present moment, with his eyelashes looking so dark and soft, even the latter sounded acceptable. Which was weird.
By the time they’d looped back to the cabins, Maeve had finished her sleep cycle and was awake again, as wide-eyed as a baby lemur. They hadn’t reached her verandah before Poppy started pulling off the BabyBjorn. As she fiddled with the straps and clips, James held out his hands to take Maeve as though they’d done this a million times before. It made her feel strangely shy.
‘I’ll swing back at one to pick you up,’ said James.
‘Sure,’ said Poppy as she took Maeve from him. ‘It’s a date.’
Ugh, why?! The words had slipped out before she realised how they’d sound. It wasn’t actually a date. She hoped he didn’t think she thought it was a date.
James was smiling, apparently unflustered. Poppy quickly shifted Maeve over her shoulder for a spontaneous burping session to avoid unnecessary eye contact.
‘See you then,’ he said, turning up the hill.
‘Yeah, bye,’ Poppy mumbled. If a sky-writing aeroplane were to spontaneously appear overhead, she suspected it would waste no time in spelling out: TYPICAL, MCKELLAR.