30. Freddie
Freddie
The morning after Salt’s birthday party, I wake up feeling…
weird. There is no getting away from it: last night I kissed Cole.
And this morning I have absolutely no idea how I feel about it.
When Sloane dared me, I thought it would be funny.
But it didn’t feel funny when I pulled away and saw the look on Cole’s face.
I blow out a breath and scrub my hand over my face.
This is nothing that cannot be solved by a bacon sandwich and a good workout.
I jump out of bed and do a few press-ups to get my heart rate going before throwing my sports kit on.
I decide to warm up with a run to the gym and then proceed to do a two-hour workout that nearly kills me.
But at least the burn stops me thinking about Cole.
I only stop when I get a text from my mum.
MUM
Do you fancy a Sunday roast?
Erm, when have I ever turned down one of your roasts?
MUM
Excellent, come for 1pm. Bring Cole if he’s about?
I pause, nibbling my lip for a minute.
Think he’s busy today. It will just be me.
MUM
Oh, no bother. Bring wine.
Only if you make Yorkshires.
MUM
Cheeky sod. See you soon.
I finish up with the weights and then make my way to the showers. Men are stripping off all over the place, and I find myself glancing over at them, thinking about Cole. I’ve never been attracted to men before. I don’t think I’m attracted to men right now.
So what was it about kissing Cole that felt so… natural?
I give myself a mental shake as I head to the showers and stand under the scalding stream. Flashes of the last few weeks keep replaying in my head:
The flex of Cole’s abs…
The firmness of them when I accidentally touched him at Slick Love…
The sight of him coming undone with Sloane…
Aaaand now my cock is wide awake in the middle of the gym showers. Fantastic .
Fan-fucking-tastic.
A couple of hours later, I arrive at my mum’s place with a bottle of wine in one hand and a bouquet of flowers in the other.
“There he is,” she says, pulling me into a hug before I’ve even crossed the threshold.
“Hello, Mum.” I give her a squeeze that lasts a beat longer than normal. When she pulls back, she cups my cheek affectionately and looks directly into my soul.
“You ok, my love?” There’s a tiny crease between her eyebrows as she says it.
“Of course, Mum! I’m always ok,” I reply, giving her an easy smile. She cocks an eyebrow at me but doesn’t push it, standing aside to let me into the flat.
“These are beautiful,” she breathes, as I hand her the huge bouquet of flowers I picked up on the way. “Peonies – my favourite.”
“I remembered,” I say with a smile.
“Come through, darling. Food will be ready in fifteen, so you can pour the wine and set the table.”
I get to work, pouring us both a generous glass of malbec and setting the table with the ancient crockery we’ve used since I was a kid. It’s worn and scratched but still good.
She lays an absolute feast before us and I can’t help but grin as I grab a plate.
“You’ve outdone yourself, Mum,” I say, piling roast potatoes high.
“Never seems worth it to just make roast for one, so I’m glad you were about today, kid. What’s Cole up to?”
Are we that inseparable that she expects me to know his whereabouts every day? A frown crosses my features, which my mother doesn’t miss.
I fudge a reply: “Not sure, he just said he was busy.” Honestly, I’ve got no idea what Cole is up to. But I’m not sure I’m ready for a conversation with him after last night. Even if we are now technically in a relationship. Which still blows my mind.
“Fair enough,” she says, finishing off her plate with a giant Yorkshire pudding.
We chitchat throughout lunch covering the usual topics – her work, my work, the weather, my cousin’s latest MLM scheme, my uncle’s new dog – before there’s a lull.
I clear the plates away and put the kettle on, making us both a cuppa.
She gestures to the sofa, where we both sit, then she hits me with it.
“Are you going to tell me what’s on your mind or are we going to spend the whole afternoon making small talk?”
I blink.
“Freddie Lane, don’t you play innocent with me.
You’ve got something on your mind. I can see your brain working from a mile away.
It’s been a lovely lunch, but every topic has been as shallow as a puddle.
You want to talk about what’s actually going on?
Has it got something to do with your American girl? ”
I draw in a long, deep breath through my nose as I try and find the words.
“Maybe,” I hedge, blowing out the breath and giving her a side eye.
“Go on.”
“She and I are kind of… in a relationship.”
Her face lights up. “Darling, that’s wonderful!” She gives me a warm smile, which falters a few moments later. “Why don’t you look happy about it?”
“It’s complicated.”
“Why is it complicated? For heaven’s sake, Freddie, spit it out.”
“It’s complicated because she’s also with Cole.”
Mum’s eyebrows pop up and then back down into a small frown.
“So is it an ENM situation or a polycule?”
“A what?”
“Freddie, if you’re dating outside the lines, then you need to learn the lingo. Is it ethical non-monogamy or are you in a poly relationship as a threesome?”
The woman hasn’t batted an eyelid. What the fuck?
“Erm, the latter. We’re together… as in the three of us.”
Mum nods thoughtfully, then looks at me.
“So what’s wrong?”
“Why aren’t you freaking out?”
She cocks her head at me. “Why would I freak out?”
“Isn’t it weird?”
“Do you think it’s weird?”
“I don’t know!” I burst out.
“Does it feel weird?” she presses me, her tone nothing but mild curiosity.
“It does feel a bit weird,” I admit.
“Why does it feel weird?”
“What is this, twenty questions?!”
“Freddie, my love, I’m just trying to get to the bottom of why you’ve got a new relationship and yet you don’t seem happy about it. I just want to understand. Has something happened?”
“No.”
For a brief moment, I feel like a sullen teenager again.
“Freddie.” I look up. “Has something happened?”
“I might have… kissed Cole.”
“Ah.” She moves a bit closer and lays a hand on my knee. “And that’s… thrown you a bit?”
“A bit. But I’m fine. It was a stupid dare and it doesn’t mean we are together. Even though we’re… together.”
She nods at me, placatingly. “I can see how that might be a bit… confusing.”
“It’s not confusing. It was a stupid drunken dare. It meant nothing.”
She does not look convinced. I do not look convinced. No one is convinced.
“I’m going to tell you three things now, and I want you to listen to me.
” She gives me a stern look. “Number one: love comes in all shapes and sizes and sexuality is a spectrum. Number two: you do not always have to pretend to be ok. No one will think less of you. And number three: I will always love you, no matter what. I don’t mind if you come home with a whole harem.
Anyone you care about will have a place in my life.
You just have to tell me how many Yorkshires I’m making. ”
I laugh at that, grateful for a moment of levity in an otherwise heavy moment.
“Thanks, Mum.”
“And, darling?”
“Mmm?”
“Maybe you should talk to Cole. He might be just as confused as you are. You’re both grownups, and I know this is scary, but if you have something you want to explore with him, you should both try and get on the same page.”
I can feel the shine in my eyes. I nod and give her a tight smile.
“Darling, when I was your age, I thought love was supposed to look a very specific way. One person, one path, one neat little life.” She shrugs. “Turns out life rarely works out that way.”
She gives my thigh a pat and cups my cheek again, before we go back to drinking tea and talking about my mad cousin.
But her words stay with me long after I’ve headed home.
Because the thing I can’t stop thinking about isn’t the dare itself.
It’s the moment Cole kissed me back.