41. Cole
Cole
“Did you hear from Francesco?” Jessie asks, closing her laptop. We’ve been discussing creative visuals for potential sub-brands for the past hour, and I’ve now got enough work to last me another month.
“I did! We’ve arranged for him to visit my home studio in a few days to have a look at the work in person. I can’t thank you enough for putting us in touch. He’s been amazing so far.” I give Jessie a warm smile, which she returns.
“I adore his gallery. He’s got such an eye, you know?”
“I’m going down there this week to scope it out.”
“Oh lovely.” She pauses for a beat, looking me up and down with a sly look in her eyes. “There’s something different about you.”
“I don’t?—”
“Oh! You did it! You hooked up!”
“What?”
“You and Freddie! You totally hooked up!”
“What! How could you—? Has Sloane told?—?”
“Oh relax, I work in a sex club. Sussing people out and knowing who they’re sleeping with is my superpower.” She sits back in her chair, a satisfied smirk on her face. “I want to hear everything.”
I feel that telltale blush rise in my cheeks, but goddamn, Jessie has a way of making me crack. I sigh, defeated.
“We may have kissed again.”
“And…?”
“And I may have gone down on him. At the same time as Sloane.” I can’t help the smile that lifts the corners of my mouth.
“And how was that?” She raises her eyebrows, wiggling them suggestively.
“Fucking incredible.” This time, I really don’t hold the grin back.
“Whoop! I am so pleased for you! All of you! You’re going to be the hottest new power throuple in town! And how’s our girl?”
“Sloane’s still a little… well, skittish makes her sound like a spooked horse. But?—”
“But essentially you’re still worried she’s going to rear up and bolt,” she finishes for me, nodding knowingly.
“Yup.”
She looks thoughtful for a moment.
“If you want my unsolicited advice, don’t just tell her how you feel. Show her. Just keep showing up for her. If she feels caged in or controlled, that’s when she’s most likely to run.”
“Thanks, Jessie. That’s helpful. I must ask though – why are you helping me? You’ve known Sloane a lot longer.”
“Don’t get me wrong, Cole. I am loyal to that girl.
I love her to bits. But she can be a moron where her heart is concerned.
She’s been walled off for so long. I know what that can do to a person.
” A dark look flickers across her features and then vanishes as quickly as it appeared.
“She’s spent a lot of years fucking around and keeping everyone at arm’s length.
I would hate to see her get in her own way when there’s a chance for something real. ”
I swallow and nod, feeling that swell of love rise in my chest again.
“Oh,” she says, voice catching as she watches me. “You’re already in love with them.”
She says it neutrally, as if she’s just told me it’s started raining.
I look back at her and nod, and I can feel the silver lining my eyes. Fuck’s sake, why can’t I hold it together? She leans over and squeezes my hand briefly.
“I think that’s really beautiful.” She busies herself making another round of coffees at her fancy machine, but I don’t miss the glassiness in her eyes too, and I find myself wondering what her story is. I hope one day she will trust me with it.
The following Saturday, Freddie and I meet for a coffee.
I know he’s desperate to call it a pre-event briefing and I brace myself for his merciless teasing.
But the Freddie that arrives is just a little less brash than normal.
I realise as he arrives in the café and looks around that he seems ever so slightly nervous.
He spots me and grins, giving me a slightly-too-enthusiastic wave before pointing at the ordering point and mouthing, “Do you want anything?” I smile and shake my head, then wait as his coffee is made. He scoops it up with a thanks and sits opposite me.
“Hey,” he says, a slight tinge of colour rising in his cheeks.
“Hi,” I say back. Fuck, we cannot be awkward . We have been best friends forever. That is still our foundation. “Right, there are a few things I wanted to talk about.”
“Oh, thank God, you have an agenda. I was worried this would be informal coffee between friends-slash-lovers-slash-metamours.”
I look up. “Metamours?”
“Yes, it means the platonic partner of your romantic partner in a poly relationship or polycule,” he reels off, looking proud of himself. “Though I suppose now that you’ve had my dick in your mouth, we’re probably past that stage.” He snorts into his coffee and takes a sip.
For a moment, I am stunned into speechlessness.
“I’ve been reading up on polyamory, don’t look so surprised.” He’s definitely enjoying sending me slightly off-kilter.
“Well, my first question was going to be how are you feeling following our, er, encounter the other night.”
“Encounter? Christ, Cole, this isn’t 1850. No one is going to be scandalised by a blowjob. An excellent blowjob, by the way. Props to your mad skills.”
“Er, thank you. So you’re ok? We’re ok?” I still feel like I’m trying to catch up with him.
“I’m ok, we’re ok. Are you ok?” He cocks his head, concern clouding his features.
“Honestly, I have no idea. I thought you might be freaking out a bit. The fact that you’re so sanguine has got me…”
“Freaking out a bit?” He smiles, and then takes my hand, holding it on top of the table. Where everyone can see.
“Yeah,” I reply, staring at our hands.
“I’ll level with you. Did I see this coming for us?
Not in a million years. But I also didn’t see Sloane coming.
I didn’t see the three of us coming. Literally.
” He snorts a laugh, and then a look of vulnerability flashes across his features.
“Am I into guys now? I have no idea. But let me tell you what I do know. I know that I am really into this . I would like to try more… encounters.” The cheeky fucker has the audacity to wink at me, then sits back. “I’m all in.”
There’s a silence while we both just stare at each other, and then a stupid smile breaks out over my face.
“Well. I’m all in too.”
We sit with that for a moment, the words hanging in the air between us as I really feel what they mean.
My greedy heart swells with it. Freddie looks particularly good this morning, in a sharp charcoal coat that fits his gym bod just a little too perfectly.
He looks like he’s just wandered off a photoshoot.
“What was the second agenda item?” he says, interrupting my train of thought. I clear my throat.
“Sloane. I just want us to be on the same page. I think we both have deep feelings for her, and I think those feelings are mutual, but for whatever reason something is holding her back. I just want us to both agree to take that side of things slow. To show her how we feel, not tell her. She’ll be more likely to believe it’s genuine if we don’t pressure it. ”
He nods, a small frown creasing his brow. I have to resist smoothing a thumb over the line.
“She’s definitely not letting us in,” he agrees. “Which I find really frustrating. You’re probably right. We just need to be patient.”
“Something which you are famously not,” I point out.
“Oi, I can be very patient, I’ll have you know.”
“Uh huh. Sure. We also need to have a conversation with all three of us about ground rules.”
“Ground rules?”
“Yeah. For instance, after you fell asleep the other night, Sloane and I slept together in my studio. And we went bare.”
His eyebrows shoot up, and for a moment I think he’s going to pull his hand away. But then he frowns again and nods to himself.
“Ok.”
“Ok?” I reply.
“Yeah. I think that’s fine? I’m checking myself for jealousy, but I think I’m ok? And we’ve all been tested so that’s not an issue. I know Sloane’s got an IUD. We’re three people in a relationship – that means we can have different configurations, right? They did that in the book too.”
“What book?”
“Oh, it’s like the textbook for polyamory. I saw it on TikTok.”
“There’s a textbook?”
“It’s called Pucking Around .”
“ Pucking Around ? You’re getting your polyamory advice from hockey smut?”
“Oh, you know it? It’s fucking hot. I’d recommend it, actually. Not sure why more men aren’t reading romance books – it’s given me loads of ideas.” He waggles his eyebrows suggestively and grins.
I snort, but maybe he’s got a point. He’s already got more expertise than I do.
“Ok, so we both agree that we’re comfortable with individual encounters , and that we’re going to take it slow and just keep showing how much we want to be with her?”
“Got it. Show, don’t tell. Shag at will. I like it. There’s one thing I wanted to add to the agenda.”
“Oh?”
“Your birthday.”
“What about it?” I cock my head. It’s not like I’d forgotten it was coming up, but I rarely do much to celebrate it.
“I have an idea for it.”
“Ok…”
“A weekend away. You, me, Sloane. I thought maybe Brighton?” He looks a little unsure as he says it, and I can’t help but smile.
“I love that idea.”
His face lights up.
“Yeah?”
“Yeah. Shall we see if our girl is free?” My birthday is only a few weeks away. We need to get cracking if we’re going away for it.
“Let’s.” He grins and pulls out his phone. I watch him type the message out to Sloane, the smile never wavering from his face. He looks up again as he hits send, his dimples more pronounced than ever. “All in,” he repeats, blushing as he says it.
“All in,” I reply, and squeeze his hand.
All in and no going back.