Chapter 3 #2
"It's been a year. Things don't change that fast."
He turned to me. "Your boyfriend hasn't moved in yet."
"He's moving in soon. Just so you know."
His jaw ticked. "What do you see in him anyway? He doesn't look man enough for you."
I crossed my arms. "He's more man than you'll ever be."
"Is that so?"
"Yes."
Ivan stepped toward me, closing the distance until I could smell cedar and bergamot, until my body remembered exactly what his hands felt like on my skin.
"Tell me," he said, his voice dropping, "does he make you wet the way I used to? Does he make you come with just the flick of his finger?"
I swallowed hard. "Even better. He fucks me in places you never did."
Ivan's face reddened. His jaw clenched so tight I could see the muscle jumping beneath his skin.
"I want you back, Maya."
"It's too late for that."
"I never stopped loving you." He took another step, and my back hit the wall. "I fucked up. I know I did. But I'm willing to do anything to get you back."
"Anything?"
"Name it."
"Ivan, I have a boyfriend."
"Dump him. I don't give a fuck."
"That's not how this works."
"Then tell me how it works."
I gasped. "You have some nerve, walking in here and ordering me around. You don't own me anymore."
His hand caught my arm, and I found myself staring up into those green eyes, dark now, intense.
"You'll always be mine. Don't forget that."
I shrugged out of his grip and stepped sideways, putting distance between us. My heart was pounding, my skin still burning where he'd touched me.
"You think you have some hold on me just because I lost my virginity to you?"
"I know I do."
"You're delusional."
"Am I?" He tilted his head. "Your nipples say otherwise."
My face flushed. I folded my arms across my chest.
I hated that he was right. He was my first lover, my first love. That meant something, no matter how much I wished it didn't.
"Tell me what I need to do to get you back." His voice softened. So did his eyes. "Please, Maya."
My eyes burned. "I love Griffin. I'm not leaving him."
He raked his fingers through his hair, but didn't speak.
"I never wanted to end things," he finally said. "That was all you. All I want is a place in your life again."
"A place?" The words came out sharp. "The only time you gave me the time of day was when you wanted to fuck. You stopped taking me on dates. You were barely around. I was in a relationship, Ivan, but I'd never felt so alone in my life."
His eyes went glassy. Wet.
I froze. In three years together, I'd never seen Ivan cry. He was the tough one, the strong one, the one who never let anything get to him.
"What happened?" My voice softened. "Ivan, what happened to you?"
"Fuck it." He exhaled hard. "Do you remember the startup I wanted to do?"
"Yeah."
"I didn't tell you, but I'd started investing.
Put everything into it, my savings, my 401k, a second mortgage on my apartment.
As their tech consultant, I thought I'd make us set for life.
I wanted to surprise you when it took off.
" He laughed bitterly. "Except it was all a scam.
The investor disappeared overnight. I lost my job, my savings, my credibility. Everything."
"What?" I whispered.
"I was so ashamed, I couldn't face you. I kept thinking I'd fix it, I'd get back on my feet, and then I'd explain.
But the more time passed, the more distant I got.
And then you said you wanted out." He met my eyes.
"I figured you were better off without me.
I was a failure. I was broke. You deserved someone who could take care of you. "
Tears rolled down my cheeks. "Ivan, why didn't you tell me? All this time I thought you'd fallen out of love with me. I thought you'd found someone else. I thought you just didn't care."
"I cared too much." He swallowed. "That was the problem."
I was crying properly now, with gasping and messy tears I couldn't hold back. "You were living through the worst moment of your life, and I broke up with you."
He reached for me, cradling my face in his hands. "It wasn't your fault. You had no idea. I couldn't blame you for leaving."
"I never cared about money." I looked up at him through blurry eyes. "We could have gotten through it together. I would have helped you."
"It wasn't your burden to carry."
I pulled out of his hands. "We were a team, Ivan. A partnership. Your burden was my burden. I hate that you didn't give me a choice."
"I'm sorry." His voice was rough. "I'm so sorry."
Silence stretched between us.
I moved to the sofa and sat, staring at nothing. Everything I'd believed for the past year, that Ivan had stopped loving me, that he'd gotten bored, that I hadn't been enough, was wrong.
A year of hating him. A year of blaming myself. All of it built on a lie he'd told to protect me.
"I'm back on my feet now," he said quietly. "New job. Good money. And being with you again is all I've thought about for months."
I closed my eyes, letting his words sink in.
"Griffin gave me a choice," I said.
Ivan frowned. "What?"
I looked up at him. "He said I could be with you if I wanted. But he's not leaving, and I don't want him to. I love him."
"Wait." Ivan shook his head. "Your boyfriend told you that you could be with me while you're still with him?"
"Yes."
"You've got to be kidding."
"Do I look like I'm kidding?"
"What kind of man offers that?"
"A man who loves me enough to let me figure out what I want."
Ivan's expression hardened. "That's not love. That's weakness."
"No." I met his gaze. "That's strength. And those are the terms."
"Terms?"
"It's both or nothing." The words came out steady. "I've moved on, Ivan. I'm not ending my relationship just because you're back. I never stopped loving you, but I love Griffin too. If you want me, you have to accept that."
*
Ivan raked his fingers through his hair and paced across the living room.
For a moment, just a moment, I saw it. The hesitation. The war in his eyes. Part of him wanted to say yes.
Then his face hardened.
"I can't do that." His voice was flat. Final. "There's no way I'm sharing you with another man."
"Then I guess we're done here."
He held my gaze, searching. His expression shifted. Regret, maybe. Or disbelief.
"You're serious."
"I am."
"Maya..."
"Goodbye, Ivan."
He stormed out of the house.
The door slammed behind him. The silence that followed left me unsteady, more confused than ever.