Chapter 25 #2
He walked straight to Jackson and pulled him over by the pool table, stood there talking low with his face looking pissed. Jackson stood there and took it. Didn’t look at me once.
Bill tapped the edge of the pool table with two fingers while he talked, staring past Jackson at the bar. At his bar. At me in it.
“You want to blow up your business for a girl with nowhere else to go, that’s your call. Don’t expect me to fund stupid.”
Then Bill looked at him different. Mouth flat. Eyes on Jackson’s face, then the bar, then me.
He walked out.
Jackson came back looking handled. Not better. Just shut down hard enough nobody could get in.
“What happened?” I asked.
“Doesn’t matter.”
But I knew. Bill heard the rumors. Bill knew what we did.
Tommy walked in at nine grinning like he’d won the lottery.
He sat right in front of me. “Hey Lauren. Jackson.”
Jackson’s jaw went tight, but he poured Tommy a beer anyway.
Tommy drank slow. Turned on his stool between sips, making sure people caught every word. Smiled at both of us. “Heard you’ve been real helpful to Lauren this week, Jackson.”
Jackson didn’t say shit.
Tommy’s grin got bigger. “Kevin’s a good guy. Shame he’s got such shitty friends.”
He looked from me to Jackson when he said it. Didn’t pretend he meant only one of us.
He made that beer last forever. Just sat there watching us like we were his personal entertainment.
When he finally left, he was still grinning.
The rest of the shift dragged. Nobody said much to my face. They didn’t have to.
We reached for the same bottle once. He pulled back first. My hand hung there a second too long.
When we locked up at eleven, Jackson said, “Everyone knows.”
“Yeah.”
“We tell him tomorrow.”
“Yeah.”
Neither of us moved.
“We do it together,” I said.
His eyes cut to mine. “Yeah.”
It sounded bad the second I said it. Too close to what we’d already done. Still true.
I went home. Climbed into Kevin’s bed.
His pillow still smelled clean. Jackson’s text stayed in my head anyway. Kevin under me in everything but body. Jackson on my phone. Me in the middle, sick with it.
I curled up on Kevin’s side and hated the way my body remembered him first.
My phone buzzed.
Jackson: Tomorrow. 2 PM. We’ll tell him together.
Me: OK.
I put my phone down. Kevin was coming home in the morning. The whole town already knew. He still didn’t.
Jackson
Saturday night. I locked up at midnight and should’ve just gone upstairs and passed out.
Couldn’t do it. Stood there staring at the bar counter. Right there between the taps and the register where her glass had sat. Still a ring from it. Bourbon soaked into the wood. Won’t come out.
I grabbed the rag and scrubbed at it anyway. Same thing I’d done the last two nights. Rub at it. Get nowhere.
Threw the rag in the sink.
Poured myself a bourbon. Same shit we were drinking Wednesday before I fucked everything up. Tasted wrong.
My phone sat there on the bar. I picked it up. Opened my texts with Kevin.
Last one was Wednesday morning. Before he knew.
Conference is boring as hell. Miss you guys. See you Sunday.
I scrolled up. Way up. Years of this. Stupid shit mostly.
You coming to the game Sunday?
Need your truck. Mine’s in the shop.
Dad’s driving me crazy. Beer?
Then I hit the one from eight years ago.
Melissa left. Can I crash at yours?
The night she told me I wasn’t enough and walked out. I drove straight to Kevin’s and slept on his couch for a week. He never asked what happened. Just gave me space and beer and didn’t make it weird.
There was one winter my truck died outside the clinic. He came out in dress shoes and pushed while cussing me out for never checking the battery.
I kept scrolling. Ball games. Beer runs. Dumb bets. Him showing up every damn time. Twenty-five years, and this is what I’m handing him.
And Wednesday I fucked the girl he’s falling for on my bar counter. Real fucking friend I am.
Tried to go upstairs. Got halfway up and turned around. Came back down. Couldn’t even make myself go to bed.
Sat on a stool. Stared at that spot on the counter.
No way to fix this. Can’t unfuck someone.
Can’t make it less true either.
Kevin’s been there for everything. When I bought this place and Dad said I’d fail within a year.
My phone buzzed. Kevin. My stomach dropped.
Landing at 9 AM. See you for lunch tomorrow?
He was walking into it smiling. I felt cruel knowing what was waiting.
Stared at the text a long time before I could answer.
Thought about Lauren on that counter before I answered him. Felt like shit for it.
I could still feel her laugh in the room. Her mouth too. Shut that down fast. It still came back.
Just a hit of it. Enough to make me mad all over again.
Made myself type it.
Yeah. See you tomorrow.
Hit send and put the phone down.
Sat down on the floor. Right there behind the bar. Where it happened. Could still see her there if I looked too long. Wood’s cold. Smells like bourbon and Pine-Sol and my own fuck-up.
Anybody who wiped that counter tomorrow would know exactly where it happened. Hell, half the room already did.
Melissa said I was never going to be enough for anybody who wanted a real life. Kept finding new ways to make her right.
There’s still a ring box in my desk drawer. Bought it eight years ago thinking maybe I could be enough for someone. Never even gave it to her. Kept it after she left.
My phone was still on the bar above me, Kevin’s last text open. Tomorrow he’d read my face and know. After that, nothing was going back.
Wait—no. I caught myself right there. No neat little button. Just heavy dread while I sat on the cold floor staring at that bourbon ring that still wouldn’t come out.