Chapter 37
He strides over to the door. “I’m going topside.
Keller is in charge in my absence.” He’s gone a moment later, and I watch the closed door.
The guards talk among themselves, but none of them address me.
I’m thankful for that, honestly. I just want to be left alone.
I drop my head into my hands and try to sort through everything that has happened.
I think of Zarreth’s words that Kaldar would have broken the bond when he gave me the jade bracelet.
I stare down at the bracelet as I finger it.
I don’t understand it. I try to determine if I feel anything different, but I didn’t feel anything when Kaldar and I supposedly became bonded in the first place.
So, I guess it doesn’t surprise me that I don’t feel anything now.
But I refuse to give up hope. Until I see Kaldar, and he tells me the bond is broken, I will continue to hope.
Where did they take you?
Veyra’s voice in my head suddenly surprises me. Veyra, you’re okay! Relief floods me so hard and fast.
Did you think I wouldn’t be?
I shake my head and almost smile. I’m glad you’re okay. Where are you now? How are things out there?
Not good.
My stomach drops. Is Kaldar...I can’t even finish the thought.
I don’t know. I close my eyes. I’m with Jespar now, waiting for him to wake up.
I'm relieved that she’s out of the fight for now, at least. Okay. Good. You two stay safe. If Jespar wakes up and finds out anything from Kaldar, will you tell me? I’m stuck in some kind of safe room, and I don’t know anything that’s going on outside.
I’m glad you are safe. I will.
That’s it, but that’s okay. I’m getting used to my non-emotional jaguar.
She definitely balances me out. I pace again for a while before sitting again.
I so desperately want to know what’s going on out there.
I need to know if Kaldar and Taren are okay, as well as Jorren and Reika.
I need to know how many casualties there were, and most of all, I need to know how in the world a man turned into a fire-breathing guivre!
I’ve heard the guards talking, and they’re just as shocked as I am.
It’s too much for me to figure out. I wish desperately that I could talk to Kaldar.
Harper would call me whipped. Alarm spreads through me, and I shoot to my feet.
Harper! Fear clenches around my heart once again.
All I can hope is that she never came to the assembly today.
I don’t know how long we stay in that room.
It could be twenty minutes; it could be three hours.
But when somebody knocks on the door, and Zarreth steps inside, I lift hopeful eyes to him.
He meets my gaze, and I shudder at the dark look there.
I suddenly don’t know if I want to hear a report.
“It’s time to go out. The guivres are all dead. ”
“Kaldar?” I ask.
The room gets quiet, and I hold my breath as I await his answer. “We don’t know where he is.”
Any hope I’d held on to deflates. It takes everything I’ve got to ask my next question. “But you didn’t find his body?”
He hesitates a moment. “No. Not yet.”
I take this in. “Then he’s still alive.” I won’t believe otherwise. He has to be alive.
“I’ve got men looking for him.”
“What about Taren?”
A fist bangs against the door, and Keller opens it. Jorren shoves the door open and searches the room. When he sees me, he takes a breath. “We’re taking her with us.”
I walk towards him. He’s got blood all over him, and I catch my breath. But he grins down at me. “Guivre blood.” Relief flows through me, and I step out into the hallway.
“What about Taren and Reika?”
His face clouds. “Reika’s got a nasty burn, but she’ll be okay. The guivre didn’t get her directly.” I grimace because I know what that pain feels like.
Zarreth steps into the hallway with us. “Any word?”
Jorren shakes his head. “We won’t give up looking.”
I see movement out of the corner of my eye and turn. Relief courses through me at the sight of Taren. I’m moving before I think about it. “Taren!”
I stop only a little bit from him. “You’re okay.”
“I’m okay.” He’s limping, and I’m pretty sure he’s injured a rib from the way he’s breathing. But he’s standing here, alive; I’ll take it.
Jorren’s there a minute later. He hits Taren on the back, and I wince at the sound of it. “Glad you’re okay.”
“Taren.” He faces me. He looks so haggard, I almost don’t ask. But I have to. “Kaldar?” There’s so much hope in that word, and I can’t say anything more. It’s like the words won’t form.
He glances at Jorren and then takes a step towards me. He puts his hands on my shoulders. When his gaze meets mine, I panic at the haunted look in his eyes. “The last I saw of him, a guivre was carrying him off. I tried to get to him and couldn’t.”
I stare at him in horror. “What?”
“We won’t give up until we find him.” There is no emotion in his voice, and I don’t know what to say. I’ve never felt this helpless.
“What can I do?”
“Nothing. Let us look for him.”
“I want to help.”
Taren’s already shaking his head before I get the words out. “The best way you can help now is to stay safe.” His somber eyes meet mine. “Like it or not, you are now the ruling leader.”
I shake my head. “Why? Why did he do that? I don’t know anything about being a queen. I barely know anything about this kingdom.”
“Stop.” Taren’s voice is low and soft. “You listen to me, Kinsley. Kaldar is my best friend and the closest thing to a brother I have. I trust him with my life, and I trust his decisions and his wisdom. Always. He chose you to lead. He knew you could do it, and he knew what he was doing.”
I shake my head. “I can’t—”
“Stop.” His voice is harsh, and it shocks me into silence. Taren is never harsh with me. “Listen to me. Kaldar gave everything for you.” His words reverberate through me. “That challenge?”
“Taren, stop.” Jorren’s words don’t have any effect on Taren.
“It was meant for you,” Taren continues.
I stare at him in shock. “Taren, stop,” Jorren says again.
“Vaelor called for the Reckoning. It’s rarely called for, but it’s a challenge that’s called if somebody feels like the Rites and Jade Ceremony weren’t enough, and they want to challenge.
Only a person in authority can call for the Reckoning.
Kaldar chose to take your place.” Taren takes a breath and lowers his voice.
“He gave up his crown, and he might have given his life. For you. So that you could live.”
I can’t take this in; it’s too much. “I didn’t ask him to do that! I didn’t know! I...I...why did he do that?”
He lets out a breath, and I watch as he deflates. “Because he loves you.”
The tears come then. I try to stop them, but they keep coming.
A sob rips through my chest. “I didn’t want him to.
I didn’t know. I...just...” He closes his eyes and then he steps forward and pulls me against his chest. Grief crashes through me, and I can’t catch my breath.
“I’m so sorry,” I whisper through my tears.
“I should have never come here.” My chest hurts so badly. I don’t want this pain.
“Shh, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said those things.
It’s okay.” Taren’s words bring me no comfort.
I can’t stop my sobs; I feel like I’m breaking apart.
The stress of everything comes crashing down, and I feel like it’s a tidal wave of emotion that’s going to take me away.
Taren doesn’t say anything more; he just lets me cry against his chest. I only let myself cry for a little bit because I can’t get his words from my mind.
I take a deep breath and force myself to get control.
I finally step back. I wipe my eyes and look between Jorren and Taren. “What do you need from me?”
Taren puts his hands on my shoulders. “Right now, we need you to stay safe. And then, we need you to be who you are now.” He stares into my eyes.
“And that’s Queen. Now, maybe that will change; but it might not.
” I bite my lip, refusing to let any emotion show.
I already fell apart. Now, I have to try to find my footing in this world that has gone so completely wrong so fast.
I take a deep breath. “Okay.” I don’t say anything else; there’s nothing else I can say. I look at Jorren and then back at Taren. “But please don’t let them give up on looking for him.”
Jorren’s heavy gaze meets mine. “Kaldar was my king, and he always will be. But he was also my friend. We will find him and bring him home.”
I nod. “Thank you.”
“We’re going to get you back to Kaldar’s house. Seren, Kaldar’s personal advisor, is going to meet you there. He will go over your schedule and what is needed of you and when,” Taren explains.
“Okay.”
“Just take it one step at a time,” Jorren adds.
I take a deep breath. “Okay.”
The door at the top of the stairs opens, and Jorren and Tarren both move so fast, I barely see them move. But suddenly, they’re both in front of me. Their broad shoulders block my view of who’s coming. “What do you want, Evren?” Jorren growls.
My body tenses. “I came to check on Kinsley.”
“You mean the Queen?” Jorren
“Yes. Is she okay?”
I don’t know what to do about the concern I hear in his voice. Either he’s great at deception or he really is concerned. I make the decision. “I’m here.”
There’s a pause, and then Taren takes a step to the side. I meet Evren’s gaze. His dark eyes are always intense, but I refuse to let him intimidate me. I don’t know which side he’s on; but I do know I refuse to be intimidated by him. I meet his eyes again. “Which side are you on, Evren?”
He doesn’t miss a beat. “Yours.”
“Prove it. Because right now, none of us are willing to trust you.” Neither Jorren nor Taren say anything to correct what I just said. “Your father just—”
“My father is dead.” There is no emotion in his voice. “He chose his own actions. I loved him. He was my dad, but I don’t condone his actions.”
I stare at him, wishing I had the ability to see his soul. I need to know whether he can be trusted or not. I refuse to make the wrong decision here. “I don’t know, Evren.”
“Look. I know I’m not your favorite person; you’re not mine either. And I know I haven’t done anything to make you like me...or trust me. But my father is gone now.” He drops his gaze to the floor, and I feel for him. I might have really not liked his father, but it was still his father.
“I’m sorry for your loss,” I tell him softly.
His eyes bounce over my face. “You really mean that.”
I don’t look away from him. “I do. Nobody deserves to lose someone they love, regardless of what that person has done or hasn’t done.”
He sighs, and I feel it so deeply. “Yeah.”
I make the call. “Check with Jorren to see what he needs from you.”
I hold my breath for just a moment, wondering if Jorren will disagree. I’m hoping he’ll give Evren a chance. Well, another chance, anyway. Jorren doesn’t disappoint me. “Let’s get to work.”