Chapter 27
I turn around and take in the woman, now that I can see her clearly.
The sides of her head are shaved, and dark hair hangs nearly in her eye from the dark swatch of hair on top of her head.
She has several piercings both in her ears and on her nose.
She looks fierce. I cross my arms over my chest and watch as she talks to Rauk, along with Shane and Thorne.
When they make no move to include me in their conversation, I stride over to them and force myself into the opening in between Rauk and Reneta.
Rauk takes a small step to the side, accommodating me.
“What did I miss?” I ask in a calm voice.
Reneta turns to me, and her nearly purple eyes catch my attention. “Nothing,” she says with an air of superiority.
I don’t skip a beat. “Well, obviously you weren’t paying attention if you missed everything that was said.” I turn to Rauk. “What did I miss?”
“We’re going to stay here tonight. We just need to wait until it’s light; then we’ll take stock of how bad things are and then go from there,” Rauk says without any emotion.
“Thorne, keep the regular patrol on the walls. I don’t think we’ll see anything more from them tonight.
Shane and Reneta, you’re both in the trees on patrol.
We will meet at first light tomorrow and reassess. ”
Reneta and Shane leave without a word, but Thorne stays behind a moment.
“Try to get some sleep,” he says, putting a hand on Rauk.
Rauk starts to argue, but Thorne beats him to it.
“You need to be sharp for tomorrow. We will need to plan battle strategy.” Rauk neither agrees nor disagrees, and Thorne heads up the stairs.
Rauk follows him, and I can hear the sounds of locks engaging.
I turn around and make my way over to Auri. “Hey, Kiddo, how are you doing?” I sit on the ground next to her cot. Elowen is sitting on the cot next to her.
“Okay,” she says in a strong voice with her head lifted, but I know she’s anything but okay. I look over at Elowen.
“And you?”
“I’m okay, Dear.”
“You didn’t get hurt when you tried to attack that Northerner without a weapon?” I ask. “I don’t know what you were thinking.”
“Same as you, Dear One. Survival.”
“Still, you shouldn't have fought them,” I push, trying to get my point across.
“Neither of you will have to do that again,” Rauk says as he rejoins us.
His words rub me the wrong way. I stand to my feet and walk over to where he stands. “I’m a trained fighter, Rauk.”
I start to turn away, but he stops me by putting his hand on my elbow.
“I know. You proved that tonight when you took on two Northerners to protect my sister and Elowen. I will never forget that, Harper.” I finally look up at him.
He’s staring at me with that intensity that is so him.
I pull my elbow from his grasp, and he lets go.
“I’m sorry I wasn’t there to protect you. ”
“You mean Auri,” I say quickly.
He stares down at me. “All of you. Thank you, Harper.” He glances over at his sister, and I watch as he swallows hard.
I can see his adam’s apple bob. “She’s everything to me,” he says in a quiet voice.
I’m sort of shocked he’s saying this because she can hear everything we’re saying.
I thought he’d be too proud to admit those kind of feelings.
He fists his hand and puts it over his heart and nods to me. “And Elowen’s like a mother to me.”
“Oh, Honey,” Elowen says in a voice full of emotion.
I suddenly don’t want to be a part of any of this; it’s too emotional for me.
I take a step backwards. “Well, I’m just glad we didn’t die.
” I turn away and curse myself for my stupid words, but there’s no taking them back now.
I pick up my bag and walk over to the cot furthest away from everybody.
“We’d better get sleep if we’re meeting at first light,” I throw out over my shoulder.
I open the blanket on the cot and shake it out.
It smells and looks clean thankfully. I give myself a moment to make sure I’m composed before I head back over to Auri.
Elowen’s already helped her lay down. I squeeze her shoulder. “Get some sleep, Kiddo.”
She looks up at me. “Thank you for protecting me, Harper. I was so scared.” Her voice cracks a moment, and I think my heart does as well. I nod and start to move, but she tugs on my hand. “Harper.”
I really don’t want to deal with any more emotion tonight, but I look down at her. “Yeah, Kiddo?”
“I thought,” her voice cracks again, and I swallow hard.
I really don’t want to be over here anymore.
“I thought you were going to die tonight, and I would never,” she sucks in a breath that ends in a half sob.
“And I thought I’d never get to,” she chokes again.
I crack my neck, wanting desperately to pull away.
I don’t do emotion. “To tell you,” she continues in almost a whisper now.
“That...” she sniffs, and I don’t dare look down at her. “I love you.”
I swallow and keep all emotion from my voice.
“I love you too, Kiddo.” I squeeze her hand and then I pull my hand from hers.
I don’t look at Elowen as I make my way to my cot.
I can feel Rauk’s eyes on me, but I keep my back to him.
I slip off my boots, but I keep my clothes on and slip under the blanket on my cot.
I roll towards the wall and squeeze my eyes shut.
My heart hurts, and my chest aches. I think it aches more than the physical pains I have from tonight.
I squeeze my eyes shut tight and do my best to think about anything other than Auri’s words.
I refuse to get emotional. I haven’t cried since I was a little girl, and I have no plans to start now.
My mind plays the events of tonight over and over again, and I know I will get no sleep tonight.
“Harper.” There’s a heavy hand on my shoulder, and I stiffen but don’t roll over.
“What?”
“Did you get hit in the ribs?” Rauk’s voice is low and quiet. “Your breathing is labored.”
“I’m fine,” I tell him, shrugging so his big hand falls off my shoulder.
“I know, but can I check anyway?” His voice is still hushed.
“No.”
He’s quiet, and I figure that’s the last of it. “Come on, Harper. Let me check.”
“I’m fine.” My tone and words leave no room for question.
“Okay.” I expect him to leave, but he doesn’t. “You can sleep,” he finally says. “You’re safe here. I won’t let anything happen to any of you.”
His words give me pause. “You’re not going to sleep?”
“No.”
“I can switch off with you,” I offer.
“I’m fine,” he says, echoing my own words back to me.
“Thorne said you need to be fresh for tomorrow.”
“Yeah, well it’s not Thorne’s family that they’re after.” His words are harsh. I don’t point out that I’m not part of his family.
Silence falls between us, and I figure now is the time he’ll move away from me.
Before he leaves, I tell him what I’ve been wanting to say but haven’t known how.
I keep it simple. “I’m sorry, Rauk. I—I had no idea this was as bad as it is.
I'm sorry that this is happening to your family and your kingdom, and,” I swallow my pride.
“I’m sorry that I was so hard on you about the war.
I said a lot of things that weren’t...fair to you. I’m sorry.”
It’s silent a moment. “Did you just apologize?”
I frown at the wall. “I can take it back,” I warn.
He huffs out a breath. “No takebacks.”
When he still doesn’t move, I speak again. “Can I ask you something?”
“Yeah.”
We both keep our voices soft, so we don’t wake Elowen or Auri. “What happened to Auri?”
He’s silent for so long, I think maybe he left and I didn’t hear him go. But then he moves, and I realize he’s now sitting against the wall next to the top of my cot, only inches from my head. “Our father hurt her when she was just a baby.” I close my eyes; that was not what I expected to hear.
“I’m sorry.”
“He got mad that she wouldn’t stop crying one day.” He stops, and I’m glad. I don’t want to hear anymore.
Pieces of the puzzle start to connect in my mind. “Did he hurt your mom too?” I barely whisper the question.
He doesn’t answer for a beat. Then, “Yes.”
And just like that, I know. “That’s why you killed him.”
“Yes.” There’s no hesitation on his part. There’s a weird pain right behind my breastbone, but I ignore it. It’s not for Rauk, I tell myself; it’s for Auri. “She died with him.”
“I’m sorry,” I finally say, still staring at the wall in front of me.
“Don’t be.” His words are cold and surprise me. “She was a heartless woman with no love for her daughter.”
“Or her son?” I question and immediately wish I could take them back. That was too far.
“Or her son,” he admits. “She should have protected Auri.” I hear the bitterness in his voice, but I also hear what he’s not saying. She didn’t protect him either. I know that as much as I know my own name.
“Well, I’m glad she’s gone then,” I tell him.
“Nobody knows the truth,” he admits.
“Don’t worry; your secret is safe with me. The other kingdoms will still think you’re a ruthless tyrant who killed his own parents.”
“I did.” His voice is hard.
“I know.” I don’t bother arguing with him. I know the truth now, and it’s so very different than what’s been passed around. “You’re not nearly as cruel as you make yourself out to be, Rauk. It’s actually pretty disappointing.”
I hear a soft huff of amusement. “And you’re not nearly as emotionless as you think you are.” His words are so soft, I almost don’t hear them. But I take immediate offense to them.
“Yes, I really am. I’m not capable of emotion. I’m unable to love and unlovable.” There’s no emotion in my voice; those are just facts.
He’s silent for a good while, and I finally start to drift to sleep. “I guess you forgot to tell that to my sister,” he says softly, and I swear I feel the weight of something on my head, but I can’t keep my eyes open long enough to figure out what it is.