TWENTY-ONE
Lisa
“Why don’t we take a stroll through the neighborhood and change the scenery?” she suggested.
She saw Ryan’s forehead fold down into a frown. “Do we need a change of scenery?”
“It’s nothing serious.” She tried to smile. “Depending on how you take it.”
He exhaled, then pushed away from the counter he was resting against and strolled into the hallway, pulling open the closet, and he came back with Lisa’s puffy white hooded coat.
“Put this on; it’s cold as fuck today. But fair warning, Lisa, if you’re using this secondary location to ditch me, you should know I run faster, and I will catch you. ”
He was so dramatic.
And she loved it.
So much so that she laughed as he held out the coat for her to slide her arms into. He even turned Lisa around and pulled up the zipper, just like a perfect gentleman. But nothing in the deep depths of his eyes promised that Ryan Gold was a gentleman.
Quite the opposite.
And Lisa also loved that. So much.
“Like I’d run. Pft.” She huffed, grabbing the house keys.
Once outside, she decided they could head a few blocks away to the local park.
It was a weekend, still fairly early, and they only saw a couple of dog walkers.
They hadn’t even left her driveway when Ryan grabbed her hand, tucking it inside his warm palm.
Everything in Lisa went into dreamy mode as she tried to suppress a smile and failed big time.
She wondered if he even realized all the small things he did for her and how much they’d gone toward Lisa deciding she really wanted to have a future with him.
It wasn’t only every single time they’d chatted or how focused he was on anything she spoke about.
It wasn’t only the meals they shared or the way he made her laugh with his silly MC stories.
It wasn’t only how he sat through her TV dramas and even seemed to get into them, asking her questions and calling randomly during the day to warn her not to watch the next episode without him.
It was every sweet act, like holding her hand, surrounding her in affection, making sure she was walking on the inside of the street.
It was making sure she was warm enough or that she’d eaten that day.
Several times while working from home, he’d dropped by in between his own work to bring Lisa some food because he knew she’d forgotten.
It was the way he waited for her outside spin class to walk the few blocks home with her.
He was set on winning her over and didn’t let up for a moment, no matter how busy his job kept him, even when she wasn’t giving Ryan any sign she might want the same.
And he hadn’t pressured her.
He was the most laid-back man she’d ever known.
And now she’d decided – more like let herself accept the truth that she’d never gotten over Ryan. And had she been brave enough to stick around back then, she knew absolutely they’d still be together, in a stronger partnership.
With the guilt in her chest, she clasped his hand and walked alongside him.
“You’re quiet.” He remarked. “Are you figuring out how to tell me what you wanna say?”
“Nope,” she popped the P, looking at him. “I have it all in here.” She tapped the side of her head.
“Do you wanna share those thoughts with me?”
Without missing a beat or giving herself room to second-guess, she went all in and confessed, “I like you, Ryan.”
She felt his fingers flex around hers, and though they didn’t stop their slow pace, Ryan’s head cocked to the side, looking at her. “Kinda figured you wouldn’t keep me around as much as you did if you didn’t like me a little, sweetheart.”
“I really like you.” She made sure that he understood. “I’ve always liked you. I like you right now since meeting you again. And I liked you during the time apart. I never forgot you, Ryan. I’ve always regretted how I broke up with you. But I’ll get to that in a minute.” She finally took a breath.
“Brave girl.” He said, lifting their clasped hands to kiss the back of hers. “So far, I like where this is going. Does this mean you’re gonna date me finally?”
“I am,” she admitted, and her chest fluttered when Ryan smiled.
“You’re gonna be my girlfriend officially?”
Lisa pulled a little, scrunched face. “I’m forty-two, too old to be called a girlfriend, aren’t I?”
“My woman then. Just be mine.”
Oh, to be his woman officially, yeah, she thought. That sounded too good to be true. But when she’d once been too cowardly to commit herself to Ryan, she was no longer that woman and wanted to have a future with him more than anything else.
They veered off, crossing the quiet street to reach the park gate. They walked down a long path lined with benches to the playground.
Once there, they didn’t stop walking, just meandering around the empty playground, holding hands.
Having the most important conversation of her life amongst the swing sets and climbing frames.
Which didn’t look like any kind of death-trap climbing frame from her childhood.
And where was the fifty-foot-high slide that would burn the back of her thighs in the dead of summer?
“Have you thought about me over the years?” he asked suddenly.
She canted her head to the side, watching him openly without taking sly glances like she’d been doing over the weeks.
“If I say no?”
“Then it’s a no.”
Lisa smiled and rubbed the top of his hand. “I thought about you too much. Wondering how your life was. Or if you were happy and settled. If you had a wife or children.”
“Kids aren’t for me, sweetheart. I like ‘em and all, but I never wanted to be a dad.”
“Oh,” she said, so relieved she visibly puffed out a breath and then lightly chuckled. “That at least covers one thing I wanted to check with you before we became official.”
“What do you mean? We’re already official now, as soon as you told me you liked me. It’s biker law.” The rogue dared to send a wink her way.
“I’m sure I’ll come up against these mysteriously made-up biker laws, won’t I?” she went on. “I don’t want babies either, Ryan. If you wanted to be a father, there wouldn’t be any point in us trying to make a life together.”
“Thank fuck you don’t. How do you feel about dogs?”
She frowned, confused by the switch in topic. “Um. I like them. Cats, too. Most animals, really. I always wanted a bunny run in the backyard when I was growing up, but my parents wouldn’t let me.”
“Okay. Sometime down the line, we’ll fill the house we share with some pets. You good with that?”
Her heart floated. He was already talking about living together. This guy was going to make her dizzy every day with how honestly he shared his feelings.
But that was what she was aching for, she realized.
A man who didn’t make her guess his feelings, was always upfront and not afraid to be vulnerable in a relationship. “Yeah, I am good with that.” Her smile felt like an ache in her cheeks. “And, um... I’m pretty sure another marriage isn’t for me. Will that be a deal-breaker for you?”
“Sweetheart,” he said so roughly, yet full of sweetness, that Lisa wasn’t afraid of his answer.
Not with the way Ryan was looking at her unwaveringly.
He wanted to be with her. “You could confess to being the unsolved mysterious serial killer from Buffalo, and it still wouldn’t be a deal breaker, you get me?
Are you a bigamist? Not a deal-breaker. I’d just get rid of the others, so I’m number one.
” He flashed her favorite kind of smirk, and she felt her belly swoop from side to side, giddy.
“The only deal-breaker for me would be if you looked at another guy.”
That was easy enough to clear up. “I’m so violently attracted to you that if I allow myself to feel it, I’m afraid it will consume me. I wouldn’t have time to think about another man, not when you’ve been present in my mind all this time.”
She was surprised when Ryan buried his face in her neck. His cold cheek made her jump, but she didn’t move as he kissed her racing pulse.
“Be consumed in me, sweetheart. It’s no less what I feel, too.”
“I’ve been content being by myself these past few years, Ryan, and doing what I wanted. Compromising in a relationship again? I’m not sure I can do that. So, can you be patient with me?”
“Have you had to compromise a lot in other relationships?”
She twitched a smile. “I thought you didn’t want to know about that?”
He grimaced and rubbed his chin. “You can tell me this one thing.”
“Like any relationship, you compromise. I wasn’t in an awful marriage.”
“Okay, I’ve heard enough.” He clipped and, hearing that sulky sound from him, usually the most self-assured man, made Lisa’s smile widen.
“It wasn’t a bad marriage; it was just a wrong marriage between two lonely people who wanted a companion. We were more like roommates. It was never a grand love affair, not even from the beginning. So, you don’t have to sulk.”
“I ain’t sulking.” He said coolly. Sexily. She shivered, basking in the jealous reaction.
Was it any different from how she felt knowing the number of women he’d been with?
A zing rushed through her core when he switched his gaze and gave Lisa a heated stare.
“I don’t wanna know about your marriage, even if he was Prince Charming to you.
I don’t wanna know you had years with someone else that wasn’t me.
He was in my place, even if you don’t wanna acknowledge it right now.
I paved the fucking way for him to have an in with you, and I fucking hate that guy. ”
And now her heart was fluttering madly.
“No one could ever match you, Ryan. I promise. Any date I ever went on, you were the blueprint, and no one ever came close to how you made me feel.”
“Fuck. Baby. Fuck.” His head dropped, and she worried she’d said too much, but when Ryan lifted his head, his eyes were fathoms deep, and she would swear on the Holy Grail that she saw love looking back at her. Raw, open love.
A love she’d run away from.
And now her stomach was tight again with guilt.