Chapter 16 #2
Their eyes met for a moment before Henri glanced away.
He let his eyes slide closed as Robin scooped up some water with a wooden mug and let it trickle over Henri’s hair.
Robin did this a few more times until it was soaked through, then grabbed the lump of soap that smelled of rose, clove, and some other herbs Henri couldn’t place.
Robin had traded medicine for several bars of such soap with Splinter Zanta at the final rendezvous of the season the year before, and this was their last bar.
Henri relaxed into the familiar ritual as Robin lathered it through Henri’s hair, and began massaging it into his scalp.
The herbal scent and Robin’s fingertips lulled him into drifting peacefulness.
For a few moments, he was able to forget that they were fighting.
That he was meant to be mad. But as far as he could tell, Robin had not told his brother about their relationship, and even though Henri missed him, he was determined to stand firm until Robin either confessed or gave a good reason why he shouldn’t.
The cold water made Henri’s skin tingle as Robin rinsed the soap from his hair, one hand against his forehead to block it from running into his eyes.
“Henri.”
Henri’s mind resurfaced at the sound of Robin’s soft voice. Robin poured another mugful of water over his hair.
“Hm?” He wished he could remain in this blissful state for just a little while longer.
But he knew he couldn’t give his lover the silent treatment forever.
He opened his eyes and tilted his head back to look up at Robin.
Robin’s lips parted, then closed again, as if he was rethinking what he wanted to say.
“You can sit up now.”
Henri’s brow furrowed. He’d definitely been expecting something else, but he sat up anyway, little rivulets of water running down the back of his neck.
Robin pushed the bucket aside and moved to sit on the edge of the sea chest. Neither of them spoke as Henri settled on the floor between his legs, back to the chest, and Robin began squeezing out the excess water with a cloth.
The silence grew between them like mold, festering Henri’s relaxed mood.
“I’m sorry,” Robin finally said quietly.
His hands didn’t stop moving so Henri couldn’t turn to see his expression.
He sounded sad. Truly repentant. Henri leaned back against the side of the chest, drawing his knees up and wrapping his arms around them.
He said nothing, not yet ready to forgive without a solution in hand.
Robin set down the towel and uncorked the bottle of hair oil, the scent of sweet almond permeating the air as Robin poured a small amount into his palm and began to work it through Henri’s locs.
The scent reminded Henri of sitting just like this at his maman’s feet in front of the fireplace in their apartment above the bakery, waiting to see if his father would come into port before the first snows blanketed the harbor.
The memory made his heart ache. Maman was gone now, dead of a disease that had slowly wasted her body away over years.
Henri had only been twenty-one when she passed, long after his father had visited one final time after years away.
He later found out his father had died the same year, without Henri ever seeing him again.
Henri had never even gotten a chance to ask him about all the strange things he said the last time they were together.
But those childhood winters when they were all together—his Kefryean pirate father, Yarenen former-pirate mother, and him, all settled on the northern peninsula of Talva—those had been the best times of his life.
Henri blinked, realizing he’d sunk too far into the memories of the past and missed the next thing Robin had said.
“Sorry, what?” He leaned his head back to look at Robin.
Robin’s throat bobbed as he swallowed.
“I’m really sorry I hurt your feelings,” Robin said quietly, his fingers still in Henri’s hair despite being done with the oil. “I didn’t mean to pretend we weren’t together. My mind just kind of blanked out when I saw Davy and slipped into my old mindset of keeping everything secret.”
He paused, looking down into Henri’s upturned face, his eyes pleading for Henri to understand. His fingers slipped down the side of Henri’s neck, soft from where the oil had soaked in.
“You used to keep everything secret?” Henri asked. He’d never really pried into the details of Robin’s life before he ran away. But now he wanted to know. To understand his lover on a deeper level.
Robin bit the inside of his cheek.
“I don’t really want to talk about it,” Robin mumbled.
“I think you have to,” Henri replied. “It’s not healthy to keep it all inside, especially when it’s affecting us.” He reached up to brush the back of Robin’s hand where it rested against his neck.
Robin sighed and leaned down to rest his forehead against Henri’s. Falling back into this level of quiet intimacy felt so natural. Henri let out a long exhale as Robin’s arms wrapped around his shoulders. He waited until Robin was ready to speak.
“I used to keep a lot of secrets,” Robin said, not moving from their current position.
“At first I didn’t know what was wrong with me.
Sometimes I said or did things and I’d get punished but I didn’t know why.
So eventually I just stopped talking and kept my true thoughts inside.
And then I figured out that I liked other boys, so everything had to become a secret.
I couldn’t even get too close to my friends because I didn’t want to seem suspicious.
” Robin’s words came quickly now, gaining momentum as he clung to Henri like an anchor.
“Then I went away to university. For the first time, my parents and brothers weren’t constantly looking over my shoulder, and I fell in love.”
Henri’s breath caught, and Robin chuckled self-deprecatingly.
“Don’t worry, the feeling wasn’t mutual,” Robin whispered.
“I’m sorry.” Henri didn’t quite know what he was apologizing for, but he said it anyway.
“Thanks.” Robin’s arms tightened around Henri’s shoulders ever so slightly. Henri’s neck began to ache from being bent back at this angle, but he didn’t dare move and disrupt this fragile equilibrium.
“Anyway,” Robin continued, “you’re right. I shouldn’t have to keep secrets anymore.” Henri’s heart sped up at his words. After a slight hesitation, Robin moved so his lips pressed against Henri’s forehead instead.
“I will tell him about us, Henri. I swear I’ll tell him before he leaves. Just give me a little time, okay?”
That was all Henri wanted. Not just for himself or their relationship, but for Robin’s sake. If he could tell his family about their relationship, that he was happy, maybe he could truly let go of the guilt he felt for leaving them and being happier without them.
“Rowan agreed to let him go?”
Robin nodded. “The next time we make land. Davy says he’ll believe it when he sees it. And he keeps insisting I go with him.”
“But you won’t, will you?”
“Of course not.”
“So how long do I have to pretend?”
“You won’t have to, love. I swear I’ll tell him as soon as possible. Please believe me when I say I never wanted to hide you.”
Henri relished the feel of Robin’s lips. He ran his fingers down Robin’s forearms and laced their fingers together.
“I believe you,” he murmured.
“Will you sleep here tonight?” Robin asked.
Henri contemplated this. He was still a little hurt, but all the nights apart had been so lonely that there wasn’t really a choice.
“Yes.”
Robin’s lips smiled against his skin.