Chapter 50 Big Feelings
BIG FEELINGS
ELYRIA
Elyria lay alone under the bough of a silveroak tree, watching the final streaks of orange and pink fade from the sky through the branches overhead.
The grass was soft beneath her back, and she exhaled on a sigh, closing her eyes.
Today was . . . a lot. As was yesterday.
And the day before that. And the week before that.
And the months before that. She wished she could take a moment, wished time would stop for a little while.
She wanted the freedom of not having to make decisions, of not needing to have a plan or a goal or a mission.
She just wanted to be, to take in everything she’d learned, everything she now knew.
It was ironic, considering how eager she had been to get moving before leaving Kingshelm. How sick and tired she had been of waiting.
Now, all she wanted was for things to slow down.
“You look troubled, Trouble.”
Elyria smiled as Cedric’s voice drifted into her ears. The steady sound of crunching leaves had her opening her eyes just as he came to stand over her, looking down with amusement.
She sat up, her head still thrown back as she looked at him, and Cedric bent at the waist to give her an upside-down kiss before settling into the grass next to her.
“How are you?” they both asked at the same time, then laughed in equal measure.
“You first,” Elyria said.
“I feel . . . overwhelmed? But strangely at peace? I don’t quite know how to describe it. There is something to knowing more about yourself, even if the things you now know aren’t what you thought they’d be. I don’t know if that makes sense.”
“It makes sense,” she replied solemnly. “Believe me.”
The wind whistled through the branches above them as they watched the sun continue setting. Finally, Cedric said, “So, how are you then?”
“Oh, just dandy. Sorting through lots of feelings. Very fun for me, as you can imagine.”
Cedric chuckled. “What kinds of feelings, in particular?”
Elyria picked at the grass, ripping blades out one by one.
“Oh, feeling a bit worried about Sid. Feeling motivated by Larkess’ invitation to meet with the elder council tomorrow, and excited at the possibility of figuring out where to look for Malchior next.
And feeling a bit melancholy over how time continues to move forward, even if I’m not quite ready for it to do so. ”
“That is—”
Elyria wasn’t done. “I’m also feeling glad that Shep and”—she rolled her eyes—“Zephyr retrieved Polonius and Fjaethe for us. Feeling relieved, on your behalf, to have learned more about you, like you said. But I also feel sad for you. Because there’s so much about your own life you didn’t know until now. And I wish you had been able to.”
Cedric’s expression was somewhere between amazed and stupefied when she looked at him again, though he quickly tried to school it into neutrality. “That is, ah, yes. Those are a lot of feelings.”
“As I said.”
“I confess, I’m impressed you are able to articulate them,” he teased. “I hadn’t thought of you as much of a ‘feelings person.’ ”
Elyria snorted at that. “Guess there’s still plenty for us to discover about each other. Isn’t there, Sunbringer?”
Cedric grimaced, but Elyria simply stuck out her hand, offering it to him as if in greeting. “Elyria Lightbreaker, nice to meet you. Nightwielder. Wildshaper. Revenant. Troublemaker, allegedly.” She grinned. “Bacon aficionado.”
“Why do I get the feeling you’re a bit prouder of one of those monikers than the others?”
“You’re boasting a few new titles yourself there,” she said. “And here I was thinking ‘Lord Thorne’ sounded regal. I had no idea I was talking to an actual prince.”
“Noctis take me,” Cedric said with a groan. “Please don’t start.”
“Do you prefer ‘Your Royal Highness’ or shall I simply call you ‘Prince Cedric?’ No need to answer just now, you can take some time to think about it.”
Cedric leapt on her with a growl, pinning her against the grass. “You think you’re funny, don’t you?”
She snapped her teeth at him, taking a bite out of the air. “I know I’m funny.”
He made a humming sound, as though he just couldn’t bring himself to agree despite the obvious truth of that fact, and that made Elyria smile. She rose to place a gentle kiss atop Cedric’s scarred lip before he rolled onto his back to lay beside her in the grass.
“Loath though I am to inflate your ego even more,” he said after a moment, his hand draped across her leg, drawing lazy circles on her inner thigh, “once again, you were right.”
“And as we had previously determined, I often am. But I like it when you’re specific. Right about what?”
Cedric let out a breathy chuckle. “About me. You knew what I was before I did. Or, rather, knew what I was not.”
“I didn’t know-know. I just . . . suspected correctly.”
“I refused to see it for a long time. And even when I did see it, I refused to acknowledge it.”
“I understand what that’s like,” Elyria admitted. “And I hope you know that you are not alone in this.” She laced her fingers through his. “You never have to be again.”
“And you’re okay with that?”
She released a long breath. “Honestly? I’m not entirely sure how I feel about it.
” At the way Cedric’s brows jumped up his forehead, she was quick to add, “No, dummy. Not about you and me. Just about—I don’t know.
I can’t say I love the idea that we were only drawn together because of the magic in us.
That it was something else—someone else—behind that tug. ”
“Who says it’s the only reason? Even if I had never felt that pull . . . From the moment you put me in my place outside Castle Lumin, I don’t think I had a chance in all four hells of not falling for you, Trouble.”
Elyria smiled. “You certainly talk a good game, Your Highness.”
He groaned again. “You stop that right now.”
“I like the other things you do with that mouth too.”
Cedric propped himself up on one elbow, looking down at her. “I’d be more than happy to give you another demonstration. That’s why I came to find you, in fact. Young Shep says our room is ready.”
“Bold to assume just the one room for us.”
“Is it? Everyone saw the literal proof of our bond glowing in their faces. Unless you are sick of me already.” He said the words in jest, but Elyria could feel the tiniest pang of insecurity behind them.
“Not a chance.”
“There they are!” exclaimed Thraigg, lifting his tankard in toast as Cedric and Elyria approached the little tavern table where so many truths had been spilled earlier that day.
“Here we are,” said Elyria, leaning over and snagging the cup right out of his dwarven hands, taking a long drag.
“Hey!” he protested, eliciting hoots of laughter from Ollie, Jocelyn, and Shep around the table.
“I heard we’re to experience some of that Elderglade hospitality for ourselves,” Elyria said, winking at Thraigg as she returned his drink.
The dwarf harrumphed but nodded. “Aye, and I daresay ye’ll find it hospitable indeed. Something about the linens on the beds here, I swear to—”
“Does anybody else feel that?” Ollie interrupted, cocking his head, his brow suddenly creased.
Elyria felt it too. A flicker. A ripple in the light. The space right above the center of the table looked suddenly hazy, as though it was becoming solid before their eyes.
“What is—” Cedric started to ask, but before he’d even had the chance to get the full question out, a swirl of black smoke formed in midair.
Everyone at the table stood, stepping back as the darkness lengthened, layering on top of itself until it formed a small strip of shadow that drifted down to the table like paper floating in the breeze.
Nobody moved at first. Nobody touched it. And then, Elyria stepped forward, reaching for the small black strip with slightly trembling fingers.
Her shoulders relaxed as she recognized the handwriting. Then, she tensed all over again as she read the message.
“What?” Cedric said, alarm in his voice as he drew up right beside Elyria. “What is it?”
“It’s a message from Kingshelm,” Elyria said, the words shaky. “I don’t know how they managed it, but Nox must have figured out a way to get this to us.”
She handed the slip to the knight, who read it aloud for the rest of the group. “ ‘We have the crown. Cannot say more. Not safe. Come back. Come now.’ ”
Silence followed, heavy and tense. And then it broke all at once.
“They have the crown?”
“What does that mean?”
“How did they get that message through the wards?”
“What’s not safe?”
Elyria could barely keep who was speaking straight. She supposed it didn’t really matter.
“Could it be a trap? How do we know Nox is even the one who sent it?”
At that, Elyria straightened. “It’s written in Kit’s handwriting. I don’t think it’s a trap. I do think we need to go. Now.” She raked a hand down her face, panic lancing her chest, her thoughts a frenzied mess.
The crown. They have the crown. They couldn’t have meant the locket. Nobody knew about that. So, if they found the crown, did that mean they had found Malchior?
“Fuck, how long will it take to ride back? Four days?” Elyria asked.
“If we left immediately? With no stops? Maybe. But if you don’t want to kill the horses, longer than that,” Jocelyn answered.
Shep nervously raised his hand. “And we should at least let the elders know we’ll be leaving.”
Elyria shook her head. “We should fly then.”
Cedric stiffened noticeably at her side.
“I’d love to, lass,” said Thraigg, “but not all of us are, er, equipped to do that.”
Jocelyn nodded sadly, and Elyria felt a jab of guilt. Still, it was clear that something was very, very wrong. She needed to get back.
“I’ll go ahead then,” she said, already turning to leave, “and you all follow after.”
“The fuck you will,” Cedric said in her head, his hand shooting out to snag her wrist.
She whirled on him. “Between flying and shadowstepping, I can get there fastest.” Down the bond, she added, “I don’t know exactly how fast. I’ve never tried it like that. But I can’t just stay here.”
“Then I’m going with you.”
“You’re fucking terrified of flying,” she replied, before adding aloud, “And I don’t even know how to shadowstep with someone else. I’ve never tried that either.”
“You think we’re ever going to get used to this?” Ollie said.
“Doubtful,” answered Jocelyn.
“Maybe?” offered Shep.
Thraigg only grunted in response.
“You’re not going without me,” Cedric said, and even if she hadn’t felt his resolve flickering down their bond, the set of his jaw and fire in his eyes would’ve told her there was no changing his mind.
Elyria rolled her shoulders. “Fine. But there’d better be less screaming this time.”
They were ready to go in minutes. With Elyria’s staff slung over her back, Ashrender buckled at Cedric’s waist, and a small bag of supplies slung over his shoulder, the rest of the group followed the two of them back to the Elderglade entrance.
She turned to the group just before they reached the archway, her eyes raking over Ollie, Shep, Jocelyn, and Thraigg. “Be quick, but be safe,” she said, fighting the tightness in her chest. “And don’t let anything happen to my fucking horse.”
They let out a collective chuckle, though there was something far more serious underneath. Like every single one of them understood that this was some sort of crossroads, that something was happening that could not be undone.
Elyria looked at Cedric, extending her hand. “Ready?”
He eyed it dubiously before linking his fingers with hers. “Me? Of course. Who wouldn’t be ready to go soaring into the dark?”
Her mouth quirked. “Oh, come now, Sir Scaredy-cat. This will be fun.”
And then they were gone.