Chapter 18
Our house sat next to a grass airstrip that the neighborhood kids all used as a hangout spot through the humid haze of summer.
It bordered a creek, home to copperheads and newts, but we played in it anyway.
When we were too lazy to walk the dirt path a mile to the James River for an unsupervised swim off the rickety dock my Dad built, we turned on all the sprinklers and ran yard to yard, drinking water from the hose.
As we got older, we used to ride our bikes down the air strip, past the white pebble X, to go peek in the frosted windows of the airplane hanger nestled at the end.
The woods of this place also became my retreat when my parents would fight or my dad would threaten to leave.
I would climb down the roof and sit in these woods among the sounds of the birds, and think about the days when my Dad taught me to ride my bike or catch a ball in this place.
This place was special, but it was also a graveyard of memories.
Chris and I made our way through the weathered three-board fence on the next-door neighbor’s property towards the airstrip as the sun began to settle in the sky.
“Where are we headed?” he asked, as we got closer and he began to look around. “What is this place?”
“It’s an abandoned air strip,” I replied. “There’s even a white pebble X at the end, down by that airplane hanger,” I said, pointing to the end of the well-manicured grass runway.
“This is so cool, how did I never know all of this was down here?” he said, turning around to walk backwards for a moment, looking up and down the airstrip, taking it all in. I smiled at his interest in the place that raised me.
I grabbed his hand and we made our way down the airstrip as early evening lightning bugs began to flicker.
“Look!” I said, as I pointed to the first flashes of light.
He smiled as we kept walking, swinging our laced fingers back and forth in unison with our stride.
The emotions of being in this place, now older, with someone who hadn’t been a part of my younger life, were overwhelming.
I tipped my head back and closed my eyes for a moment as we walked, just breathing in the mix of the freshly cut grass and the pine trees that ran along the border of the airstrip.
When I opened my eyes again, Chris was looking at me, probably trying to decipher what was going through my mind.
“All good?” he asked.
“Yeah,” I said, unsure if that was the truth.
We kept walking until we got to the airplane hangar.
“It’s through here,” I said, pointing to a gap in the white painted split rail fence that you had to turn sideways to squeeze through.
Once we both passed through the gap, I led him to a broken, frosted pane of glass along the wall of the hangar and motioned for him to peek in.
“Whoa, look at that!” he said, as he took in the sight of the dust-covered white, yellow, and blue Cessna plane. “Why is it just sitting in there?” he asked.
“I don’t know, it’s been in here forever.”
Just then, we saw headlights heading our way.
“We’d better go!” I said suddenly.
Chris grabbed my hand and led me towards the fence at a run. As we passed through the gate, I heard the door of the groundskeeper’s old Ford truck slam, and he came running after us, shouting.
“How many more years are you kids going to keep trespassing!” he shouted after us as we ran.
The lightning bugs flashed all around us as we laughed at the momentary rush of adrenaline. Once we had put some distance between us and the hangar, Chris turned to look back and then confirmed that the groundskeeper had given up on us and left in his truck.
“We can stop running,” he said. We were both out of breath, even though we were finely tuned athletes. As our feet slowed, I could see the contrast of the white pebble X in the grass just up ahead, and I stopped. “What is it?” he asked, as he looked at me, concerned.
Something about the significance of that X had a different meaning now than it did when I was a kid. When I was small, it just meant a signal in the grass to tell the pilot where to land. Now, it felt more like a forbidden barrier. It felt like a negative symbol on everything in my life.
X My sister won’t forgive me.
X My Mom isn’t proud of me.
X My Dad doesn’t love me and left.
“I wanted to feel this place again, to share it with someone who wasn’t a part of my past,” I said, then I turned slowly to look up at him. He stepped closer and cupped his hands around my face.
“Thanks for showing me this place. I like to imagine you here as a kid, running wild and free with your adorable freckles,” he said, as he ran his fingers under my eyes, then got quiet. “I’m sorry.”
“Why?” I said, as I reached up and placed my hand on top of his hand on my cheek.
“I don’t know quite how lightly to tread with your past, and I never want to pry, but you know you can always talk to me if you want to,” he said, gazing into my eyes.
“Thanks. It has just always been easier to carrier my own burdens, instead of others carrying them for me,” I said, and suddenly, he looked sad.
“With you.”
“What?” I asked, confused.
“Have you ever considered the possibility that someone else might want to carry your burdens with you?” he asked. He looked serious.
“Why would anyone want to do that? Nobody else needs to deal with the trauma of my past. I would never want to encumber someone with my issues.”
“Why don’t you let me decide what I want to be encumbered with?” he said, smirking as he mirrored my SAT word. Then he pulled me in for a tight hug and held me there, nuzzling my hair.
“Look!” I said, pointing towards the pine trees along the edge of the airstrip. “They’re blinking on and off together!” It was finally dark enough to see their bodies glowing bright in unison. “Come with me,” I said, as I pulled him by the hand down a dirt path through an opening in the pines.
“What’s through here? Why are you leading me into the woods, Allie? Should I be worried?” he joked. I turned back to him and smiled.
“Come on!” I said, as I tugged harder. “It’ll be here soon; we have to hurry!” He looked confused. “We have to be quick. The train will be here any minute.”
“Train? Allie, have you gone insane? Why are you taking me to train tracks?” he said with a worried expression on his face.
“Oh, come on. Trust me,” I said, as I made my way up the slope of loose crushed gravel towards the tracks. “Coming?” I said, as I looked back over my shoulders. He hesitated, then followed.
“Seriously?” he said, as he climbed the gravel slope behind me.
“Live a little,” I said, through laughter. “Hurry up.”
Once we were both up at the top of the hill, I looked all the way down the tracks and could see the red stoplight start to flash.
“Quick!” I said, then I reached into my pocket and grabbed two pennies, handed him one, set mine down on the train track, and motioned for him to do the same. He lay his next to mine.
“Is this legal?”
“No. But we do it anyways. Come on, we need to get down from here fast before the train gets here!” I said.
Just then, the rusted metal track began to rattle, and I looked up to see the headlights in the distance.
“Go!” I yelled and gave him a light shove.
He took off down the hill, sliding clumsily, with me right behind him.
At the bottom of the hill, I grabbed his hand and pulled him behind the trunk of the largest pine tree that I could find, and I pushed him up against it.
“You know you’re crazy, right?” he said, with a smile.
Before I could reply, he grabbed my face and kissed me passionately.
Our mouths both opened slightly, and our tongues crashed into each other, tangling as the oncoming train got closer.
Its whistle blew loudly as Chris’s hands held me tightly.
The vibration of the passing train coursed through my body as he kissed me in the pines of my past. Car after car chugged by on the tracks as our bodies held tightly against each other.
As the last car finally passed and the tracks were finally still, I pulled away from him, and he frowned playfully.
“This is the fun part, come on,” I said, as I walked back towards the tracks, Chris following close.
I climbed back up the gravel slope with my heart still beating fast from his hands on my body.
When I got to the top, I dropped to my hands and knees and started searching for the pennies that we had laid on the tracks.
“They’re here, it just always takes me a minute to find them, they never go too far,” I said, as I searched the dimly lit railroad ties below the faint yellow light arched high over the tracks.
“How can you even see anything?” he asked, as he crouched down next to me to help me search.
“Here!” I said, as I held up both pennies that had landed side by side in the middle of the railroad ties.
“Okay, I’m impressed that you found those,” he said as I handed him one of the pennies to inspect. “Wow! This is so flat and shiny! Cool!” he said, as he looked up at me. “You’re full of surprises. Dance with me?” he asked, as he stood back up and held out his hand.
Still crouching down, I looked back up at him like he was insane. “I guess I should warn you that I’m a terrible dancer. It’s not too late to back out of taking me to Homecoming,” but he just shook his head.
“Nice try, Superstar,” he said, as he waited with his outstretched hand. I took it, and he pulled me to my feet.
“We don’t have any music,” I said as he pulled me in close and then spun me away.
We moved around the train tracks haphazardly, then I spun myself out of his arms. I stepped up on the metal rail and walked along it, arms extended out like a balance beam.
As I looked down the tracks, it occurred to me that I had never been down far enough to see where the train disappeared around the bend.