Chapter 35
The next night, Isabelle came to visit me while I was still curled up in my bed. I guess my mom had called her. When she came skipping into my room, she had a dress in her hands, and I gave her a skeptical look.
“Whatever you have in mind, you’re crazy. I can barely move, Is.,” I said with a smile on my face to thank her for trying.
“Oh, come on, your mom said you’ve been in this bed for over a week.
Take some pain meds, we’re going out. I got us into a huge New Year’s Eve party put on by some kids from St. Margaret’s, so you won’t know anybody there.
You need to have some fun. Your mom said it’s fine,” she said, shaking the dress at me.
“Come on, I’ll help you get ready.” Then she reached for my hands and gently helped me sit up.
“You’re such a good friend. Okay, I’ll try, but if I’m in too much pain, you’re bringing me home.”
“I promise. Now get out of these disgusting PJs, you look terrible,” she said with a grimace, then she pulled the dress off the hanger and unzipped it so that I could step in.
“I’m going to make you look so hot tonight, all eyes will be on you.
Just trust me.” Then she climbed up onto the bed, crouched behind me, and ran her hands through my hair as she smiled at me in the mirror.
“Do your worst,” I said, smiling back at my best friend.
Then she went to my dresser and grabbed the bag of makeup that she had brought with her, insisting that I never used enough.
She dolled me up with eye shadow, eyeliner, and mascara, then told me to pucker my lips so that she could apply lipstick and declared me complete.
The last thing I needed was shoes, so she went to the closet and returned with ballet flats that would be easy for me to walk in.
“You get a pass for comfort since you’re so broken,” she said with a laugh, then she realized her joke had upset me. “Oh no. I’m sorry. No crying, you’ll smear your perfect makeup. Okay, come on, let’s go,” she said, as she helped me stand up and then offered me her arm to get me down the stairs.
Once we arrived at the party, the music was so loud we could hear it from the street, and as soon as we walked inside, she handed me a sketchy mixed drink in a red Solo cup that had come straight out of a cooler.
I gave her a disgusted look, but she just shrugged her shoulders and took a chug as she led me into the house.
We were in a neighborhood somewhere near the University of Richmond, and there were so many people inside that it was difficult to move.
It was obviously St. Margaret’s exclusive party that everyone wanted to be at, and I was happy that I didn’t recognize anyone.
My back and hip were already killing me, but I did my best to breathe through the pain.
Isabelle found a place in the back where we were able to sit for a minute until a group of guys from St. Mark’s invited us to play flip cup, so she helped me back to my feet and dragged me to the table.
Cup after cup, we dominated the boys, and I was thankful since the mix of drugs and alcohol was starting to take its toll.
“Isabelle, I’m going to switch to water. I need to slow down,” I told her. “I don’t want to be too out of it, and I’m already starting to feel the liquor,” I said, and she nodded. “Plus, one of us will need to drive later,” I reminded her.
“You’re so right. You’re so responsible, Allie Wyatt. I love you,” she said, squeezing me from the side.
“Ouch! I yelped at the pressure of her hug.
“Ah! I’m sorry!” she said, and she quickly let go.
“I need some fresh air, will you come with me?” I asked.
“Yep, let’s go out on the back porch, it smells like beer and boys in here anyway,” she said, as she grabbed my hand and led me through the crowd.
As we stepped out onto the porch, we both froze.
There, standing near the window, was James, shoving his tongue down Amy’s throat, and I felt like I suddenly couldn’t breathe.
If I hadn’t been in so much pain, I would have turned and run back inside as fast as I could, but every muscle in my body was on fire.
I squeezed Isabelle’s hand so hard that she looked at me, and she must have known what was going through my head.
“You’ve got to be kidding me,” I said at the sight of them. “I need to get out of here.”
“Let’s go,” Isabelle said.
She could tell that I wanted to retreat, but it was too late.
Amy had seen me from across the porch because she pulled away from James and was smiling at me.
But it wasn’t an angry smile like I had known for so long.
She looked kind, and it made me nervous.
James, on the other hand, looked like he wanted to throw himself out of the open window when he realized that she was looking at me.
I felt like I was going to puke. Once again, I had been let down by someone I thought I had feelings for, and once again, my sister was the root of the cause.
Was this what my cousin had meant at the wedding?
Had there been something between Amy and James all this time?
“Allie!” James shouted over the music as he made his way through the crowd, but Isabelle moved between us to stop him from getting any closer.
“Fuck you, James! How dare you? Hasn’t she been through enough?” Isabelle screamed in his face.
“Let’s go, Isabelle,” I said, as I looked him in the eyes and made myself clear without saying a word, that whatever we were, was over. As I turned to leave, he grabbed my arm to stop me.
“Allie, you have to understand,” James begged.
“Understand what, James? That you’ve been fucking my sister this whole time? Is that why Will was so angry at the wedding? Just add this to the rest of the shit Amy has done to me. I’m over it. You can have her.” I shouted over the music.
“This thing with Amy and me has been on and off again for a long time, but it was never anything serious until I saw you with Chris. The night I pulled you off the tracks, I wondered if maybe it could be you and me instead. I really liked you, but then, when I saw the way you were looking at him in the hospital, it was pretty clear that you were still in love with him and that there would never be an ‘us’. But it made me realize that I might already have that with Amy. I think I’m in love with your sister,” he said, then he waited for me to refute him, but I couldn’t.
If he wanted to be with my horrible sister, I wasn’t going to get in the way.
“I’m sorry. I have to go,” I said, then I squeezed Isabelle’s hand again, signaling that I wanted to get the hell off this porch.
James shrugged, then went back to Amy, who was calling for him from across the porch.
Once we were inside, Isabelle grabbed my arm to stop me.
“Allie, I’m so sorry,” she said, as I turned to look at her.
“I can’t win, Is. All the cards are always stacked against me. This has been the worst fucking year. Everyone in my life keeps leaving. Nobody wants me,” I said, but suddenly, Isabelle cast her gaze over my shoulder, and her eyes went huge.
“I do.”
I turned around slowly, and there was Chris.
“I’ve never stopped wanting you, Allie. You’re the only one I’ve ever wanted.”
I turned back to look at Isabelle in shock, but she was gone. When I looked back at Chris, he was staring at me with a sheepish look on his face, waiting for my reply, but I was speechless. I couldn’t deny it any longer. My heart was throbbing for him.
“You turned Griffin in? Why did you do it?” I needed to know.
“I didn’t do it for you. I did it because it was the right thing to do.”
“Chris?” I said. His eyes looked ready for another rejection. “I’m in too much pain to move, but if I could, I would have grabbed your hair by now and smashed my lips against yours.”
When he realized what I had just said, a look of longing overcame him, and his mouth opened slightly. Not wanting to hurt me, he leaned in slowly, gently took my cheeks in his hands, and pressed his lips to mine as the room stood still.
“How did you find me?” I asked once we came up for air.
“Amy called me. She told me where you would be,” he said, and my jaw dropped. Then I turned around to look for her on the porch, and she shot me a quick smile, then went back to making out with James. I didn’t feel an ounce of jealousy. I was shocked. For once, Amy had tried to make things right.
As the music thumped loudly throughout the house, Chris held me there, lip-locked, until everyone started to count down.
5
4
3
2
1
HAPPY NEW YEAR! Everyone yelled.
As confetti burst all around us, Chris pulled his lips from mine and gazed down at me with those green eyes and long lashes.
“Happy New Year, baby,” he said, then he leaned in to nuzzle his nose against mine.
“Can we get out of here?” I asked softly, as the pain was beginning to be too much.
“I thought you’d never ask,” he said with a smile, then he helped me through the house and out to his truck.
Once we got to his truck, he gently lifted me in and then rushed around and climbed into the driver’s seat. This time, I didn’t protest when he reached across and buckled me in. I was ready for another pain pill.
“Where should we go?” he asked, as he put his arm around me and pulled me in close.
“You know where.”
“You can’t be serious.”
“Oh, come on. Please? But first, can we stop by my house? I’m in so much pain.”
“Yep. Let’s go,” he said as he put the truck in drive.
Pulling out of the parking spot, he slid his hand across the console to reach for mine.
I looked down at his tan hand that was eager to lace his fingertips with mine, and he sucked in a breath at my touch.
When I looked up at him, he smiled as he exhaled in relief of knowing that I was by his side.
Once we got to my house, he helped me inside and up to my room.
“I’ll just be a second,” I told him, as I went into my room to get the pain pills, then met him back in the hallway. “Okay, let’s go,” I said, as I took his hand and he helped me down the back stairs.
We walked down to the three board fence that led to the air strip until we got to the gap between the pines, and I stopped.
“There’s something you need to know,” I said, as I nervously placed one hand on his chest and pulled out my journal from inside my coat.
“Okay,” he said, looking worried.
As I opened my journal and turned to my most recent entry, my stomach filled with nerves, unsure of how he would take the dark news.
I decided that he deserved to know the truth so that he could make up his own mind about whether he really wanted to carry the burden of someone as broken as me. I cautiously handed him my journal.
I watched as he read the five-sentence entry, then he dropped my journal to the ground in disbelief and looked at me as his eyes welled up with tears.
“Oh my God,” he whispered, then he pulled me in to a hug. I winced through the pain but let him hold me.
“If James hadn’t found me out here that night, I would be dead.”
“Allie, I couldn’t live without you.”
“You wanted nothing to do with me,” I replied.
“Yes, I did! I was lost without you, too. I just didn’t know what to do or how to process what was happening.
I’m so sorry that I abandoned you. I can’t believe I let you get to that point.
It’s my fault. It’s all my fault. You’re my everything,” he said through sobs.
“I’ll never let you go again. I’m grateful to James for saving your life!
” I had never seen him cry. His eyes were now a bright shade of green.
“How can I believe you this time?” I asked.
“I won’t ask you to trust me, baby, but I hope in time you will let me prove it,” he pleaded as he squeezed me tighter. I yelped in pain.
“Sorry, baby, I’m so sorry. I know you’re in pain,” he said, as he placed his hands on my shoulder, his eyes still filled with tears.
“Come on,” I said, changing the subject, as I grabbed his hand and pulled him towards the loose gravel slope of the railroad tracks.
“This again?” he asked, as he wiped his eyes with the sleeve of his coat. I didn’t reply; I just tugged at his hand harder.
“You’re not going to make me struggle up this hill in pain alone, are you?” I said, then he carefully scooped me up and carried me until we got to the top and he set me down gently.
Once we were on the tracks, I pulled out the flattened penny from my coat pocket that we had crushed the last time we had been together. He glanced down at it, smiled, then pulled one from his pocket too, and my eyes lit up.
“You still have it?” I asked with surprise.
“Of course I do, I carry it with me everywhere,” he said, then he squatted down beside me, and I smiled at the thought that he had been carrying me with him all this time. I handed him a fresh penny and we set them down side by side.
“Let’s get down off these tracks,” I said, as I felt the familiar rattle.
The light was far enough in the distance that we had time, but I didn’t want to risk it, so he scooped me back up and carried me down the hill.
I led him back behind the same large tree trunk, and I leaned up against it for support to ease the pain.
My back was really throbbing, and Chris could tell, so he came in close and pressed himself up against me.
“Is this okay?” he asked, as his fingertips lightly melted down my face, and he slipped his hand into the small of my back.
“Yeah,” I said quietly, as the train approached.
“God, you look amazing in this dress. I’ve never seen you look hotter, baby,” he whispered in my ear.
Then he leaned down to kiss me for the second time in a month.
Fireworks exploded within me as the shrill whistle of the train sounded, and we were hit with a huge gust of wind as the first car blasted past.
“Allie,” he said, as the train cars continued to rattle along the rails. “I love you.”
I reached up and moved a lock of hair that had fallen into his teary eyes. This time, he grabbed my wrist, but he moved it to his chest, where he held it firmly to his heart and then smiled.
“I love you, too,” I replied.
Once the train finally went quiet, we walked away from the tracks, and Chris stopped to pick up my journal, then turned to me.
“What about the pennies that we flattened?” he asked.
“Leave them,” I said, smiling up at him, as I patted my coat pocket. “We have the ones that matter the most.” I was finally at peace with the ghosts within the pines.