Chapter 37
As Christmas break came to a close, the reality of returning to school loomed.
I was dreading going back, unsure of how I would be treated after everything that had happened before break.
Surely, by now, everyone had heard that I had lost my scholarship, and I could only hope that they wouldn’t give me a hard time.
The last thing I needed was to relive the nightmare of that phone call with Coach Avery, but I understood her reasoning.
How could she take a chance on whether or not I would be able to play in my current condition?
That morning, when the alarm went off, my Mom appeared in my doorway to help me from my bed to get ready.
“Ready to face the music?” she said in a chipper tone.
“Ready as I’ll ever be,” I said, but I already had knots in my stomach, knowing that I would be the center of attention.
Once she helped me get dressed, I looked over towards my desk.
“Can you bring me Chris’s hoodie?” I asked, pointing to it hanging over the back of the chair.
She walked to the chair, picked it up, brushed her hand across it to smooth the wrinkles, and then passed it to me.
I pulled it on, breathing Chris in, as she started to speak.
“I’m glad to see you so happy again, dear. He brings out the best in you,” she said, before walking out of the room.
In the bathroom, Amy was brushing her teeth, and with a mouth full of bubbles, she gave me a little smile.
“Here. I’m done with this,” she said as she passed me the toothpaste.
It was the first time she had extended a friendly gesture to me since seeing her on New Year’s Eve.
Calling Chris was the nicest thing she had done for me all year, even if she had first tried to ruin my life and been sneaking around with James behind my back.
I no longer cared. After all of the destruction her rumor mill had wreaked on my life, I was just grateful that she had helped Chris and me find our way back to one another.
“Thanks,” I replied, as I squeezed some toothpaste onto my toothbrush. She smiled again, wiped her face, and then walked out of the room. Just then, she poked her head back in the door.
“Need a ride to school?” she asked cautiously.
“Thanks, but Chris is picking me up,” I said. She just nodded, then headed back down the hall.
As I heard the rumble of Chris’s truck pull up outside, the knots in my stomach got tighter. Mom was waiting for me at the bottom of the stairs with a smoothie that I was too nervous to drink.
“Thanks, Mom,” I said, and I took one sip to be nice, then passed it back.
When I opened the door, Chris’s eyes lit up at the sight of me wearing his hoodie again, like old times. A smile grew across his face as he made his way towards our front door to help me to his truck. I waved at my mom as we headed off to school.
“Come here, baby,” he said as he slid me across the bench to put his arm around me.
I buckled myself into the center seat and leaned against him, just like the day I did on my way to the hospital.
“You nervous?” he asked, as he looked down at me for a moment, kissed me on the forehead, and then looked back out the windshield at the road.
“I feel like I’m going to puke,” I said, as we pulled into the parking lot.
“I won’t let anything happen,” he said, as he looked down at me one last time before finding a spot and putting the truck in park.
He helped me out of the truck, took my backpack to carry it for me, and then laced his fingers in mine, when suddenly I heard someone call my name from behind.
“Allie.”
I turned slowly, my back spasming. It was Griffin.
“I owe you an apology,” he said, with a look of remorse on his face. Chris looked down at me, protectively, then back at Griffin.
“You fucked up, dude,” Chris said to his best friend.
“I know, man. I know,” he said. “I deserved what I got.” Then he outstretched his hand to Chris, who hesitated for a moment while he decided what to do. Chris looked down at me one more time before speaking.
“I appreciate your apology, but what you did to Allie is unforgivable. I’m sorry, Grif. You defined our friendship when you made a choice to torment my girlfriend. I have to stand up for what’s right, this time,” he said. “I can’t look past this.”
“Okay. I understand. I’m so sorry,” Griffin replied, looking down at the ground.
“Let’s go, Allie,” Chris said, looking down at me.
Chris was finally fighting for me. He was choosing to do what was right, and he was making a choice to defend my actions in front of his peers. He was giving me a reason to trust him. As we made our way into the locker hall, heads turned, and he quickly shut them down.
“If anyone has something to say to Allie, you can say it to me,” he said, then he turned to me, and kissed me at my locker, before helping me load my backpack with my books for the day. Before I shut the door, Isabelle came walking over.
“Hi, Allie,” she said sheepishly. “I’m so sorry about your back, and now your scholarship. How will you ever forgive me? This is all my fault.”
“I don’t blame you, Isabelle,” I said, and even though she smiled, I wasn’t sure if she believed me.
How could I blame her? It wasn’t her fault that I got on a horse with a mind of its own.
I pulled her in for a hug. “Just be gentle with me, my whole body is screaming in pain. Is that why you’ve been keeping your distance from me? ”
“Yes, I’ve felt so bad, I was so worried you were never going to talk to me again!”
“I’ve missed you, Is.”
“I’ve missed you, too.”
As the morning slid by, I was relieved at the lack of my name on peoples lips.
Instead, the talk had turned to my sister.
People were spreading the news of what she had done to me.
In a way, I was embarrassed to still be hearing about it, but I was also relieved that they were setting the story straight on my behalf.
Screw Amy. I don’t think I saw her all day.
That afternoon, I made the choice to attend field hockey practice so I could see Coach DeLaney and let her know what had happened. When I walked into the locker room, she called me into her office.
“Hey, Allie, come on in and sit down,” she said as I walked in and shut the door behind me. She had the most uncomfortable plastic chairs, so I remained standing. She understood, given my condition. “Coach Avery called me,” she began, and I cut in to save her the speech.
“My mom already called her, so I know,” I said, more comfortable discussing the devastating news now that I had some time to process it.
“I am so sorry, Allie. I can’t imagine how this must be affecting you. I know how much the scholarship meant to you,” she said, her hand in a tight fist on the desk. I knew how disappointed she must be with me.
“I am heartbroken. Field hockey is my passion, but there’s nothing I can do about it, Coach. I just have to move forward and try to get accepted to other schools,” I said, trying to keep from crying.
“I understand if it’s too hard being here, but you know that you’re welcome to join us on the field for practice as we prepare for the playoffs. You’re still the captain,” she said. “Of course, I’ll leave the decision to you.”
“Thanks, Coach,” I said, then I stepped out of her office.
Outside, everyone in the locker room stopped and looked up at me with a sympathetic smile.
It was obvious that none of them knew what to say.
How could they? I wouldn’t have known what to say either if it had been any one of my teammates losing a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity like this.
I made the decision in that moment that this would be my last practice.
I couldn’t handle the looks of pity on their faces, so I went to my locker, got my stick, and tapped the top of the door frame for the last time as I stepped out onto the field. It was time to let go of my dream.
As the team made their way out behind me, I could hear my favorite echo of the tap-tap-tap.
I turned, and the tears welled up in my eyes as they chanted my name until the last of my teammates and then Coach DeLaney came through the locker room doors.
Just then, the soccer team ran by, and they all stopped to circle up around me and joined in.
All of the girls brought the toes of their sticks in as they chanted my name louder, and the tears began to roll down my cheeks.
Chris came up behind me and put his arms around me, sliding his hands into the front pocket of his hoodie and squeezing me tight.
Coach DeLaney nodded with approval from across the circle, then called for ‘sticks up,’ which meant one final chant before the circle broke.
And just like that, my career was over before it even started.
I turned to Chris to bury my head into his jersey as he wrapped his arms around me, and I quietly cried.
“I’ve got you,” he said.
“I know,” I said, as I tried to pull it together, even though I was completely shattered at the loss of my dream. “Go to practice. I’ll see you later.” Then he leaned down, kissed me, and went to catch up with the guys.
I went back to the locker room, collected everything out of my locker, and called my Mom to come pick me up at the gym. As soon as we got home, I dropped my things on the kitchen floor, sat down at the table, and put my head in my hands.
“What am I supposed to do, now, Mom?”
“All we can do is wait and see. You’ve done your best. It’s in the hands of the college admission gods now, dear,” she said, as she patted me on the back and I cried.
That evening I heard blood curdling screams coming from downstairs. I slowed my breathing to listen. Mom and Amy were yelling back and forth at each other. It was like nothing I had ever heard before. I crept to my door and cracked it open.
“MOM! How could they!” She yelled.
“Amy! You brought this on yourself!”
“But Mom! I EARNED it!”
“I don’t know what to say, Amy. What you did was unforgivable. I can’t say I’m surprised.”
“MOM!!! What am I supposed to do, now?” She cried, as she stomped her feet loud enough that I could hear it from upstairs.
“Well, we can’t afford UVA without that scholarship, I’m afraid and it’s too late to apply for financial aid. You could defer for a year and try again in the Spring, or get started at Community College and transfer.”
“Community College! Are you crazy! Never!” Amy shrieked.
“Well, you may be out of options.”
“I can’t believe my reference withdrew her letter of recommendation. It’s not fair! That scholarship was MINE!”
“I’m so disappointed in everything that’s transpired. You have nobody to blame but yourself. I don’t know what else to say, Amy. Your actions have consequences.”
Finally, it went quiet. Had I heard that right? Amy had lost her scholarship. The ultimate punishment had finally been inflicted. I didn’t even feel bad for her. I was too mad to care.