Chapter 12
Twelve
Wesley
My hands shake as I pick up where Santi must’ve left off before Rhett pulled him away. The pizza dough is already kneaded and flattened, so I spread the homemade sauce out on two of them and then sprinkle cheese on top.
Upstairs, the knocking of a headboard against a wall momentarily draws my attention away from the meal I’m preparing. I smile as I hear a loud moan drift through the floors. Usually, those two are more discreet.
I guess time apart has changed that.
I suck in a shaky breath, trying to wrap my head around the fact that we’re all back together. The relief I should be feeling is nullified by the uncertainty of our future. We’re all together again, but now what? Where do we go from here?
When the oven is pre-heated, I slide the first pizza onto the middle rack.
Once the timer is set, I turn to another task.
So absorbed in sweeping garlic butter over the crust of the second pie, I don’t hear the telltale creak of the floorboards to let me know someone’s joined me.
It’s not until Blair’s arms wrap around my waist from behind that I even know she’s there.
The smell of her sweet, citrusy body wash wafts over me.
It feels like a secondary embrace of the woman I’ve fallen head over heels for.
Blair doesn’t let me go as I turn around and I chuckle as I wrap my arms around her. Dressed in a sleep shirt, pajama bottoms, and fuzzy socks, she looks warm and comfortable.
“There’s something I realized while I was gone,” she tells me.
There are shadows in her eyes, so dark and deep they make her look haunted. Yet, despite the things that plague her, Blair somehow finds the strength to smile up at me.
“Oh yeah? Tell me about it, baby girl.”
“I…” She gives me a small, tentative smile. “I understand if this feels sudden or sounds insane given that we haven’t known each other long, but I’ve been given this second chance with you and I need to tell you that I lo—”
“Stop,” I say, a little too sharply, as I realize what Blair is about to say. “Please, Blair. Just… hold on to that thought, okay?”
I squeeze my eyes shut to savor this moment. If only Blair knew how badly I needed her. How utterly useless I’ve been in her absence. My world means nothing without her. But I can’t tell her any of that. Not yet, not when there are secrets between us.
With a deep breath, I force myself to open my eyes.
“I… I have to tell you something,” I admit carefully. “I have to tell you about my involvement with Ledger and all that’s transpired.”
Blair recoils from me—her arms dropping away as she jerks out of my hold while taking a step backward. “What?”
“I didn’t know about the hit, I swear on my life.”
Blair doesn’t look reassured as she takes another step back.
“I did know that Ledger wanted you—to an unhealthy extent.”
Blair takes another step away from me. I follow, taking a step after her, with a hand stretched out before me as I try to reach for her. It guts me when she cringes away.
“Please, baby girl, just… hear me out.”
Blair ignores my outstretched hand. “Explain, now.”
My hand falls to my side as my heart sinks. With a deep breath, I give her the truth.
“Ledger used to keep a woman in the basement, in the cage Rhett told us about,” I continue, hating the next step she takes backward.
The distance is going to tear me apart. “Ledger wanted you Blair, but he’d accepted that he never would—so he settled for someone who was willing to play the part of Blair in his life.
To the best of my knowledge, he didn’t touch Ashleigh—just simply sat and stared as she read out a few lines on a sheet of paper he wanted to her from her, your, lips.
For months, I was unaware he was doing this, but when I did learn of the woman, I just stood by and allowed him to keep her down there for…
well, too long. When I finally put my foot down, Ledger let her go and promised that he wouldn’t let his obsession with you get that bad again. I wanted to believe him, so I did.”
Upstairs, rhythmic banging starts back up.
I ignore the noise as Blair and I stare at one another.
“When Ledger told me you were coming, I didn’t want you here. Not because I had anything against you, but because I knew Ledger wouldn’t be able to be in your presence and keep himself in check. I was worried about your safety and his sanity.”
I shake my head before dropping my chin to my chest.
“But you caved,” Blair guesses, her voice carefully void of any emotion.
“Yes,” I rasp out. “I did. He said you were in trouble and had nowhere else to go. I knew what that felt like and I couldn’t let that happen to anyone else. Ledger vowed he would keep his hands off you, keep his distance. He gave me sole dominion to take care of you.”
There’s a short pause as I try to work through the shitstorm whirling around in my chest. Failure, regret… It’s all there, burrowing deeper and deeper inside of me.
Blair says nothing while she waits for me to continue.
The silence between us is as thick as it is unfamiliar.
In the past, when Blair and I were quiet, there was a camaraderie in it. A comfortable moment between two people who didn’t need to fill the silence to enjoy each other’s presence.
This is not that.
“So,” she hedges, breaking our silence. “Was I just a job, then? Everything between us was to satisfy an itch for Ledger?”
My head jerks up as I gasp in horror.
“No!” I promise vehemently. “It wasn’t like that.”
The space between us now feels worse than the miles we’d been apart over the course of the past nine days.
Unable to stand it a moment longer, I close the distance between us.
Blair doesn’t move back but her body stiffens as if bracing for a fight. I stop before her as panic and helplessness consume me. I drop to my knees, grab her hips and bow my head before her.
“I knew, this whole time, that you were Ledger’s unhealthy obsession and still I let you come here—that’s where I went wrong.
” I tell her in earnest. “But the most messed up thing about all of this is that I’m so fucking grateful you showed up, despite Ledger’s proclivities.
I’m sorry that I didn’t warn you what Ledger was capable of.
I’m sorry, I couldn’t protect you when you needed it. I’m so fucking sorry, Blair.”
I cling to her, tightening my hold in case she balks.
“Blair, I love you. This is love that poets sing about. It’s beautiful and terrifying and uncontrollable. Everything between us was, and is, real, Blair. I swear it. Yes, I knew Ledger was feeding off us, but none of this was for his benefit.”
“Wes…”
“I don’t know why Ledger hired people to kill you, Blair,” I continue, desperate to get this off my chest and to reassure her I’m not that monstrous. “Not when he’s wanted you for so fucking long. It honestly doesn’t make any sense. Forgive me, Blair, for not protecting you from any of this.”
“Wesley.”
My head jerks up and I find myself staring into troubled eyes. Blair reaches down to cup my face in between her hands. Her thumb brushes against my cheek.
“This isn’t your fault, Wes.”
I blink rapidly, trying to understand her response.
“What are you talking about? I knew—”
“You can’t control others. What Ledger has done, that’s on him,” she interrupts quietly as her shoulders slowly sag.
The careful mask she put in place slips away.
The expression on her face is pure, unadulterated exhaustion.
The emotional turmoil on top of the physical exertion she’s gone through is so clearly written on her face right now that I just want to pick her up, tuck her into my chest, and carry her to bed.
“Thank you for telling me.”
“Blair, I—”
She steps back, letting her hands fall and forcing my arms to drop. Just as I open my mouth to beg her not to leave me, the corner of one side of her mouth curls up into a tired smile.
“Dinner’s burning.”
“Shit!”
I leap to my feet, turn and find smoke coming out of the oven. As fast as I can, I remove the pizza from the oven. It’s not too bad. There’s definitely a bit of a char on it, though. I turn around ready to go back to our conversation only to find Blair right behind me.
“This doesn’t change anything,” she whispers. “I still love you, Wes.”
My knees wobble as my head spins.
Blair loves me.
She loves me even though I couldn’t protect her from Ledger’s insanity. Despite my shitty past.
I swoop her up into my arms and twirl her around just as Santi had done when he’d gotten his hands on her. She giggles as I place her on her feet. But the sound is cut off as I bend down and kiss her. Her arms come around my neck and my tongue dives into her mouth.
There’s nothing more I want right now than to consume this woman in front of me. I need to make up for lost time, and then worship the ground she walks on for the rest of my life.
I walk her backward until her back hits the island.
Not bothering to break the kiss, I grab her hips and hike her up so that she’s sitting on the counter.
My heart is beating fast and my dick is so hard it’s nearly painful.
I reach up to cup her face but as I do, I notice the subtle tremor shaking Blair’s body.
When my hands fall back to her hips, I clock the weight loss.
I might be ravenous for this woman before me, but not enough to push aside her needs. With a great deal of difficulty, I break our kiss and pull away. Blair’s lashes flutter as she looks up into my face. Those dark circles under her eyes only confirm that holding off on this is the right answer.
“Go upstairs,” I tell her. “Lay down in my bed. I’ll bring you some food.”
“But—”
“Upstairs, baby girl. You’re dead on your feet. Don’t make me tell you again.”
Blair gives me a cheeky smile, but it’s short-lived as she hops down and does as she’s told.
I watch as she disappears. It’s only when she’s out of sight that I start moving.
I cut the pizza, plate it, grab a glass of water, and then pull out the batch of brownies I stress-baked earlier tonight and cut her off a square.