Chapter 27 #3
When Ledger’s done, he tugs at one of my wrists so that I’m forced to face him. I let my other hand drop and make myself peer up at him. There’s no hiding from Ledger. This is me in all my glory and if it disgusts him, well… that’s that. It shouldn’t matter. Not after what he’s done to me.
So why does my shame grow more intense?
Ledger brings a glass of water up to my lips. His mouth is pressed into a tight line as he watches me take a sip.
“I gave you a home and people who now love you,” he says slowly, his voice rough and low.
“It’s what you’ve always wanted and what drove you to become CeCe, right?
You wanted somewhere safe to live and people who could give you the emotional stability your father never could.
The problem was you sought it out in a world that could never accept the true you, Blair. ”
His handsome green eyes search my face, looking for something.
I swallow, hating how raw my throat feels.
My discomfort must’ve shown on my face because Ledger brings the water back up to my lips. I take several small sips until the ache is gone then pull back. Looking away from the man in front of me, I take a moment to wipe the tears from my eyes and cheeks.
When I’m sure I can face him without any more tears, I give Ledger my attention again.
He’s watching me grimly.
“This home is a prison, Ledger,” I mutter grimly. “This feels no different than Dad hiding me in an old steamer chest, beneath the floorboards, or in a dark cellar when he wanted me safe while danger was around. The only difference is you brought the danger to me.”
Ledger winces.
I press on, ready to be done with all of this.
“And those people who love me?” I continue.
“They’re out there right now putting their lives on the line for me.
I could lose one or all of them—the heartache would be the same.
The guilt that would consume me if that happens would eat me alive.
This could all be temporary, Ledger. And if so, what then?
When everyone is dead—would it all have been worth it? ”
Ledger’s brows creep together in confusion. “But you wanted—”
“You,” I interrupt softly, twisting my hands together in my lap. “I wanted you, Ledger. I didn’t ask for all of this. Now that I have it, I’m terrified. Maybe you’re right—maybe I had nothing before all of this. But now I could lose everything and that’s worse than having nothing.”
I choke on a sob as it wells up and a rogue tear rolls down my cheek.
Ledger’s jaw ticks.
When he moves to place the glass of water down, the motion is stiff. He steps closer and reaches out. Despite how slow he moves, I expect a biting grip just like before. Except, instead, Ledger wraps his fingers around the front of my throat and he simply holds me.
“You will be safe again,” he promises as his eyes darken.
“And I won’t let you lose any of the men that live under this roof.
They’re my responsibility too. They’re my—” he hesitates as his scowl deepens in thought.
“They’re my family, Blair. It was never supposed to get like this. I’ll make it up to you.”
It’s not an apology, but it’s something.
I nod. Feeling a little self-conscious, I begin to slide off the island, ready to pull back on my pants. Ledger’s hand on my neck holds me in place.
“I’m not done,” he growls between clenched teeth.
What more is there to say? I wait, bracing myself for another shoe to drop.
What I don’t expect is for Ledger to bend down and press his lips against mine. His beard tickles, but I like it. Electricity zips through me, giving me a jolt of life.
Holy shit—Ledger Porter is kissing me!
The words, loud in my head, are nearly drowned out by the hard drumming of my heart.
I’m not sure why but this means so much more than what we’d just done together. Maybe it’s because this is a childhood dream coming true or a prayer answered. I never once believed I’d have this moment.
My stomach drops but not in dread. The feeling is like free falling and it leaves me breathless.
I hold absolutely still in case I spook him.
Ledger pulls away, his eyes hooded as he stares at me.
“Even before you kissed me, you were always mine to look after. But after that kiss? You completely and utterly shattered the illusion that you were a child needing to be looked after. You staked a claim that flipped my world around. I accept that claim, Blair. I’m yours. ”
Shock keeps me stiff and still.
Staring up at Ledger, I search for any signs that he could be toying with me. All I see in those forest green eyes is a burning sincerity. It burns brighter than the insanity that had twinkled in them just moments ago which seems snuffed out now.
My heart thunders in my chest.
“Yours,” he growls through clenched teeth, as if sensing my skepticism.
“What about Dad?”
“Fuck him.”
“What about—”
“Fuck all of the excuses I’ve ever had,” he interrupts. His thumb slides up and down my neck and I shiver in response. “But you’ve now seen how I can and will get. I wasn’t lying about that. You make me feral.”
My body aches all over—I definitely know what to expect for any future spontaneous passionate moments with Ledger.
“I can handle it.”
His eyes trace the tracks of my tears from moments ago. “You’ll have to because now that I’ve had you, I’ll never be satisfied with anything less. Got it?”
Well, shit.
My body starts to tremble again as a new wave of emotions surges forward.
Ledger notices right away. “Blair…”
He wraps his large arms around me and holds me against him.
I’m stunned.
Is he comforting me right now?
Shit, he didn’t even do this when Dad put me through my paces as a kid. The closest he’d get to comforting me was bringing me my favorite snack or talking with me well after Dad went to sleep.
It’s almost as perfect as his kiss.
After a moment of hesitation due to shock, I lean against Ledger, wrapping my arms around his neck. His arms hold me tighter and it settles something in me. Soon, the trembling stops. When it does, I force myself to let him go and lean back.
Ledger doesn’t let go.
“I’ll be more careful with you in the future—or at the very least, try to be.”
The future… He’s talking about our future.
I sag against Ledger’s chest, savoring his embrace for as long as he’ll let me. When he finally pulls back, it’s only so that he can bend down to kiss me again.
His beard tickles me once more.
I laugh, the sound tired and soft as I pull away. Reaching up, I cup his cheek in my hand.
“Where do we go from here?” I ask.
“You need to soak in some hot water. I’d say we can turn on the hot tub but if trouble comes back, I don’t want you outside. I’ll wait until you're done in the shower or bath then I’ll go grab those drones I shot down.” He says, though his arms remain around me holding me in place.
I nod.
“I’ll hunt down and kill Dixie, Blair,” Ledger adds. “No one touches my goddaughter.”
I smile.
While things won’t be perfect between us right now until I know Dad is safe, I have full confidence in Ledger’s ability to keep me out of reach from danger.
Because, despite what’s transpired, Ledger’s always swooped in and been my hero.