Chapter 46
46
Sonny
“ W e never agreed to having him here,” Beatrix argues.
“It’s a good thing no one asked,” Griffin mouths back, his tone a little too bitter.
Raze and Griffin dropped in for a surprise visit this afternoon, claiming that Raze will now be staying in our house full time. Naturally, we were caught off guard and have all handled it differently. Beatrix threw a fit because, well, she’s Beatrix and it was Griffin delivering the news. Ava was too stunned to speak. Jonah has been arguing that his safe house doesn’t feel safe anymore with a known murderer in it.
Raze was not happy to hear that.
And me? Well, I feel like this shitty situation just continues to find new ways to stink worse every day. What sort of trouble am I going to find myself in with him? I’ve already proven I can’t control myself when he’s near.
“I need to be here if they come for her,” Raze calmly explains, nodding his head toward me.
I rear back, nostrils flaring with instant rage. “I can handle myself,” I bark.
How dare he embarrass me like that? He has no idea how hard we’ve been working here.
He tilts his head, his eyes softening. “There’s been some new developments in my relationship with the Syndicate.”
“Like what?”
“Like, I no longer have a relationship with the Syndicate,” he answers plainly.
Beatrix puts her hand on her hip. “And that’s our problem, how?”
“Because they won’t tolerate being bested. Tensions were already high after you all escaped. Now that they know there were some of us on the inside, there’s no telling how they’ll react.”
She shifts crossing her arms. “Why don’t you just leave the city, then?”
With his face in its usual blank state, he answers, “I won’t leave my people alone to defend themselves.”
“I think we’ll survive . . . ” Jonah mouths back.
“Do any of you have the gifts of a Mirrane?” He glances between the four of us, and when no one answers, his mouth tightens into a smug line. “Exactly.”
“You’re a Mirrane...” Ava muses, her eyes going wide, as if everything is finally coming together.
“I don’t fucking believe it,” Beatrix mutters.
“You don’t have to. He’s staying here and there’s no room for debate. The owners of the house have already approved. You don’t like it? There’s the door,” Griffin bites out, pointing toward the door they just walked through. His tone sends chills down my spine, but his focus is solely on Beatrix.
She scrunches her nose, but chooses to stay silent.
I’m not surprised my parents had the heads up that he was coming and neglected to warn us. They’re allergic to healthy communication.
“I won’t impose on you at all,” Raze promises.
“I have so many questions,” Ava tells him, her eyes still wide in astonishment. “Mirranes haven’t been recorded in over fifty years. They were all killed off...”
Raze lifts a brow at her.
“He’ll take the room you left empty,” Griffin declares, pushing past us to lead Raze in the direction of the stairs.
My heart sinks. The room right across from mine?
Raze marches up the stairs behind Griffin, leaving the four of us to stare at each other in disbelief.
“Well, shit,” Beatrix sighs. “Who knew it could get worse?”
“It’s not that bad,” Ava says, bumping her shoulder into Bea’s teasingly. “It could be Griffin staying with us.”
“No, instead we get the hitman for one of the deadliest secret societies in the world,” Jonah scoffs sarcastically as Beatrix pretends to punch Ava in the arm.
I wait exactly twenty minutes after Griffin leaves to go to him. The door is cracked, and when my feet quietly pad up to it, I lift my fist to knock, but he calls out for me to come in before my knuckles collide with the wood.
“So, I assume that what happens next isn’t going to be good, is it?” I greet, not even bothering to hide the worry in my tone. He’s unpacking a small black bag into his dresser, stacking each piece of clothing neatly on top of the last.
His mouth tightens into a flat line. “No, it’s not,” he admits.
“But you prepared for this, right? I mean, you knew that everything was going to come to a head at some point.” With all their talk about these big plans, they had to have anticipated a scenario like this.
He leans forward to rest his elbow onto the top of the dresser, his gaze directed toward the ground. “We’ve known that tensions were rising, sure. But when they had me get you on the beach, our timeline was sped up significantly.”
“Yeah, I know,” I mutter, rolling my eyes. “No one has been shy about telling us what an inconvenience we’ve been.”
Swinging his head back toward me, he scowls. “You are not an inconvenience. You’re our greatest weapon.”
“Right,” I scoff in doubt.
“I’m serious. Having you on our side is a huge honor, and it’s not lost on any one of us. I think the pressure of keeping you safe is translating into something it’s not.”
“Keeping us safe is looking an awful lot like keeping us imprisoned,” I mutter childishly.
“You aren’t imprisoned here,” he dismisses.
“I can’t even go outside,” I whine.
“That’s different?—”
I cut him off with the shake of my head. “I don’t see the difference.”
“The Syndicate has unleashed their most talented trackers to search for you. They want you dead, Sonny. Your existence is a threat to their power. They hesitated to kill you before because they were considering bringing you in as a member. There won’t be any hesitation if they find you again. You’ll be killed on the spot.”
It’s been mentioned enough times for me to realize how badly the Syndicate wants to eliminate the threat they think I pose, but somehow hearing it put so bluntly from him makes everything feel that much more real.
Still, I’m immature enough to cock my head and ask, “And?”
“And?” he repeats incredulously. “And aside from the fact that losing you would royally fuck all of our plans, I can’t even begin to think what I would do to this entire town if something happened to you.”
“You’re always talking about how much you care about me, but you’ve hardly been here at all,” I point out, ignoring how much it’s bothered me. I guess I can't pretend to be mad that he’s here when his absence has affected me this much.
He gapes at me, his jaw moving back and forth as he considers his next words. “I’ve been running myself into the ground, trying to send the Supremes in every other direction to buy everyone else time to organize.”
When I can’t come up with a rebuttal fast enough, he tacks on, “And to make sure you have enough time to train.”
Right, training for this supposed war where I’ll be fighting people in the streets like some ninja warrior, meanwhile I can hardly balance on one leg on a good day.
“Griff says you’re progressing at an accelerated pace,” he quips.
Shoot . Did he just read my thoughts?
“Don’t do that.”
“What?”
“Read my mind without my permission.”
He shakes his head, blinking. “I didn’t realize you didn’t say that out loud. But that reminds me. I need to show you how to shield your thoughts from someone else.”
“I think you’re the only person who wants to creep into my mind,” I snark.
But his expression remains serious. “I’m not, and not knowing how to shield is leaving yourself at a huge disadvantage. Everything you think is so...loud.”
My mouth pops open in mock offense. “What is that supposed to mean?”
“I don’t know if it’s a you thing or an us thing, but every thought you have lately feels like it’s being screamed directly into my mind.”
“Griffin has already gone over some technique. I just wasn’t trying,” I inform him matter-of-factly. In truth, the thought of us having any sort of connection where my thoughts are screamed into his mind absolutely terrifies me.
“Griff has basic knowledge, but he doesn’t know how to shield as someone who can also infiltrate.”
I stare back, too stubborn to agree. It does seem like his technique is a little one-sided.
“Let’s go over a couple of basics,” he begins, taking my silence as permission. “First, you’re going to want to ground yourself. Most people suggest thinking of your favorite place and imagining you’re there. Got it?”
I nod, already having a place in mind. It’s the same spot I used back when Poppy got us meditation lessons for Christmas. We only made it for two of the six sessions, but I still learned a lot about centering myself and gaining control over my emotions. It was especially useful during those hard times with Aunt Divina.
I close my eyes and picture myself standing in my bedroom at my childhood home, my feet firmly planted on the fluffy gray carpet my parents picked out for me. The walls are purple, my bedspread has butterflies stitched into it, and posters from my favorite magazines are scattered all around.
“Okay, once you’re there, you’re going to want to build a door. I’ve always built it up manually, piece by piece.”
I do exactly what he describes. “Done.”
“Next, we’re just going to try opening and closing the door. Can you do that?”
The door slams shut, then opens again. My eyes connect with Raze’s, silently giving the signal to test it out. I don’t experience anything at first. It’s like standing in my empty room in silence. But then, I close the door and within a few seconds, I feel a gentle caress against the hard wood I’ve imagined, and I know it’s him.
I gasp, eyes widening in amazement. “That was you.”
“Yes. Keep practicing that,” he instructs in his professor tone. “You need to be able to keep that door shut without so much effort.”
Frowning, I drop my shoulders and shake my head in defeat.
Raze notices instantly. “What happened?”
“I’m just sick of this. I’m sick of all of it. What good is this going to be when I have no time to master any of it?”
“You don't have to be perfect,” he tries to gently assure.
But I’m not having it. “Sure. Except that if I’m not, my life and the lives of everyone I love are on the line.” I throw my hands into the air in a loss.
“What is actually frustrating you right now? Because I know it’s not the shields. You were doing great.”
“No one wants to be forthcoming about their actions. You’re all treating me with kid gloves and simultaneously expecting the world from me,” I spout off angrily. Ever since I went into a panicked psychosis, they act like I can’t handle any conversations heavier than what’s for dinner. And while I understand their hesitancy to send me off into another episode and bring them along with me, there’s no time for niceties. I’m either going to fly or fall, but they have to let me out of the nest to try.
I don’t know what it is about him that makes me comfortable enough to complain like this. I’ll tip toe around everyone else, too afraid to offend or worry them. Too afraid to distract from what actually matters. But Raze makes me feel like I can scream all my frustrations at him, and he’ll absorb each to take them off my hands.
“Don’t allow them to make you feel like a puppet for them to control,” he rumbles. “They know that the success of their entire operation hinges on you at this point. If you want something, you’ll damn well get it. And if you don’t, they won’t get to use your gifts.”
“I mean, they aren’t wrong. I had an entire mental episode over Poppy weeks after it happened,” I dismiss sheepishly.
He stares at me, his eyes so intense it’s like being an ant under a microscope in the sun. I know he wants to say more about what happened—we haven’t had a chance to talk about it alone. Thankfully, he keeps his thoughts to himself for now.
“If you have a question, ask me. I’ll tell you the truth,” he vows, his expression earnest.
Feeling silly for the outburst, I swat my hand in the air and step toward the door. “This wasn’t supposed to be a complaint session. You’ve obviously got a lot on your plate.”
“This will be over soon,” he promises. “And then you’ll get your life back.”
Hating how heavy my heart weighs at that, I step into the hallway and leave him alone with the promise of seeing him tomorrow.