Chapter 4
SELENA
James House is located near sorority row. It’s not an area I’m familiar with.
All along the block, people are out on their lawns and scattered across front steps, drinking, laughing, having a good time.
Half the party seems to have spilled out into the night.
Some people stare at us as I parked my old Honda Civic.
I don’t blame them since everyone around here drives really nice cars.
Or maybe they’re looking at our outfits. Jess designed and styled both.
She’s wearing a short, sleeveless, black bodycon dress and black thigh-high boots, looking gorgeous and deadly, like she stepped out of The Matrix. Her brown skin is shimmering and her dark curls flow past her shoulders.
I’m in a tight, baby blue, tube top dress that’s low cut and very short.
Nothing like what I usually wear, but I like it.
It’s comfortable and hugs my hips, while showing off my butt.
The beachy waves I curled my hair into bounce in the night breeze.
Sparkly lipgloss and my favorite gold hoop earrings complete the look.
Once we step inside the house, we look at each other.
“I like Gibson Place more,” Jess whispers and I agree. This house is nice too, but it feels colder somehow, like no one lives here even though it’s packed with people.
“You just like it because Sammy’s there,” I grin, teasing her.
“Bitch, don’t even,” she laughs, rolling her eyes. “Hey, did I tell you Cash was asking about you again?” she smirks, her eyes full of mischief. “So was Lucas.”
I arch an eyebrow because she knows I know she’s changing the subject. But I let her, some topics are hard to get into sometimes.
“Remember Lucas? He’s that cute swimmer in my business class and Cash is the starting forward on the basketball team—for sure getting drafted into the NBA next year.”
I know who Cash is. He stops by Roar Coffee a couple of times a week and has asked me out almost as many times. When I tell Jess this, she giggles, but I don’t feel like laughing.
The other patrons stare at Cash because he’s helped Tower Lake win back-to-back championship titles, but I keep putting him off (always with a smile to soften the blow), giving him one excuse after another, telling him “maybe another time.”
But maybe this is the time…maybe he’s the one I’ll be sleeping with.
Cash is cute and friendly and seems like a nice guy. It’s probably dumb not to give him a chance because I don’t get butterflies in my stomach when I see him, right? That doesn’t happen all the time, does it?
Asking myself this question leads me to think about the one guy who made me feel like no one else had before or since. I didn’t know who he was back then. All I had was his name; I didn’t know anything else about him.
It was Samuel’s first game at Tower Lake, back when I was a sophomore and Sammy was a freshman.
During that game, he appeared on the pitching mound, like a ghost from my past I never thought I’d encounter again.
The guy I almost hooked up with turned out to be a baseball player.
A pitcher. On the same team as my brother!
Those first innings were torture. I dreaded the moment he saw me as much as I craved to have him look at me again. It’s something I can’t even explain.
The worst part? It was impossible not to notice how good he looked. Tall and powerful and commanding while on the mound. Strong and impressive when he was up to bat. I never gave a baseball uniform a second glance, but on him...
The bottom of the third inning was when I first heard his full name. Since I got there late, I missed the starting lineup announcement.
The commentator sounded excited. “Batting: Number 22—” The crowd cheered. Come As You Are by Nirvana played as the walk-up song. “—Grayson Rhodes.”
Grayson Rhodes.
Grayson. Rhodes.
How long has he been a student at Tower Lake? How have I never run into him?
After the game, Jess and I waited with the other families to congratulate our players on their first win of the season. When Grayson stepped out of the locker rooms, time stood still.
He moved toward me in slow motion. His hair was damp from his shower and when those vibrant blue eyes found mine, heat sizzled throughout my body.
Unable to think straight, I was about to smile and say hi—why?
I don’t even know! That’s when his lips turned down into something like a scowl.
Looking furious, disappointed, disgusted, he tore his gaze from mine and kept walking right past me.
I used to wonder if Grayson Rhodes remembered me after we almost hooked up in freshman year. It was clear he did. Judging by the look he gave me, he didn’t like me. Later I would learn he hated me. That was fine by me, I felt the same way.
But now I’m dreading running into him. It’s a silly thing to worry about that.
Throughout my time at Tower Lake, he’s made it clear what he thought of me.
If I entered a room, he often left. If I said anything, he usually contradicted me out of spite, I’m sure of it.
Or sometimes he straight up ignored me. It was like my mere presence offended him.
Grayson Rhodes was my brother’s best friend, but he couldn’t stand me.
It’s fine. He’s nothing to me, just a baseball pitcher whose face is plastered all over campus. Sometimes I wonder if those banners and posters were always there and I didn’t notice. Maybe I am oblivious after all.
Whatever, it doesn’t matter. I shouldn’t even be thinking about him. I need to stop. After all, Jess and I are in James House which is full of cute basketball players and one way or another, tonight’s the night I have sex for the first time.
So it turns out, I haven’t been missing much by not attending any college parties the last three and a half years.
The music could be better, the floor is sticky, and four people have stepped on my toes while dancing.
I tend to find the silver lining on most things, but for some reason, I can’t right now. I think I’m ready to go.
When I look for Jess, she’s making out with a girl I recognize from my sports psychology class. I don’t want to ruin her fun, so I’ll have to tough it out a bit longer. That’s when Cash sees me.
He walks over, says I look hot, and quickly sticks his tongue down my throat.
It’s unexpected and not very enjoyable. The sour taste of vodka in his mouth makes me want to gag and I push away from him.
A girl in a bright fuchsia dress stumbles into us and bumps Cash off me. I silently thank her for the save.
“I, uh...I have to pee,” I lie, disappearing into the hallway.
From there, I wander into the kitchen. It’s as packed as the living room, so I blend into a crowd watching a game of beer pong.
I’m about to text Jess when my phone vibrates.
Jess
she invited me to her dorm
Oh.
Jess
you gonna be ok?
Selena
of course you dork
have fun!
Jess
did you find cash?
Selena
he found me
I mean, I’m not lying.
Jess
yaay! remember, eres chula y chingona!! badass n bonita! have fun y cuídate! love you!
Selena
cuídate! love you too!
Chula y chingona, I repeat. Badass and bonita.
Jess always knows the right thing to say. I take a deep breath. I got this.
Through the kitchen window, I see my best friend walking away holding the girl’s hand. They’re laughing and dancing. It should be that easy, right? Why can’t I do that? Why is it so hard for me to do things I want to do?
When I spot the keg, I grab a cup. Drinking is not something I do often, but a little liquid courage can’t hurt, right?
The problem is it only takes two warm beers—that I chug as quickly as humanly possible because I don’t like the taste—before I’m so dizzy I can’t walk straight. I text Jess but don’t get a reply. Letty? No reply either. I don’t want to bother anyone else, so the only other option is my brother.
I look at the time. It’s almost one. He might be asleep, but I text anyway.
Selena
hey can you pick me up?
Sammy
wha happ u ok
Selena
Drank Too Much
Or too fast?
Sammy
wher u at
He’s not going to like my answer.
Selena
James House
Sammy
WTF brO!! !!!
A couple of seconds pass and then he texts again.
Sammy
dont drin any more.. gray righ there
His texting is worse than usual. He’s always been horrible with punctuation, but now he’s misspelling and missing letters too. I wonder if he’s drunk?
Immediately, I call to tell him not to drive if he’s been drinking, but he doesn’t pick up.
That’s when someone taps my shoulder and I hear, “You’re not hiding from me, are you?”