Chapter 33
SELENA
Ican’t think. I can’t concentrate. I’m barely conscious of my surroundings. Which would be fine if I was daydreaming in class or while working in the library. But I’m on the pitch thinking about the other night, thinking about him.
That kiss. His lips against my neck. Soft and tender. I was sitting on his lap again, but it was so different this time.
Even days later, I still wish I would’ve kissed him a second time. I can’t focus on anything else. I’m not used to feeling this way. And it’s affecting how I play.
Three strikers ran past me and they nearly scored a goal. Three! I rarely allow one person to take a shot per game, let alone three! And the half isn’t even over yet!
But it doesn’t matter because I can’t stop daydreaming about him! Worse still, I keep fantasizing about him fantasizing about me. What is that about?!
Why do I keep wondering if he’s thinking about me? Why do I keep hoping he’s as flustered as I am? As confused? As turned on?! I need to stop.
Get your head in the game!
We cannot lose. If we lose, we won’t be conference champions. We won’t automatically qualify for the College Cup and we won’t get a first round bye.
Focus, Selena!
The highest scoring teams hate me because I shut them down. Whatever side I’m covering, left or right, I keep them contained and help us keep a clean sheet. Right now, I’m not helping.
This game is a must win for us. Which is why I’m not surprised that at the end of the first half, Jess pulls me aside.
“You know that wasn’t you out there, right?”
“Yeah, I know, I’m sorry.”
“Nah babe, we don’t have time for fucking sorry. Ponte las pilas, cabrona!”
I nod, knowing she’s right.
“Whatever’s going on outside this field doesn’t matter right now.”
I nod again. I know she’s right. But I also know that after my conversation with Sammy, I went back inside Gamma House and Grayson was ready to go. We didn’t talk after that. He dropped us off, Jess, Letty, and me, at our apartment, then he drove off. That was it.
Two nights ago, I heard he pitched an amazing game. Only gave up one hit. Just one. I had to work and couldn’t call out again, so I missed it.
Letty told me scouts were in the stands watching Grayson’s every move. He walked up to the plate to Nirvana’s Come As You Are, just like he has the past three years and then proceeded to hit a homerun.
I haven’t seen him or heard from him since. It’s only been three days. It feels longer.
“Is this about Rhodes?” Jess asks, bringing me back to the present.
My eyes snap up to hers. “No,” I lie. Guess I’m just lying to everyone these days.
Jess pinches the bridge of her nose. “No manches, Selena.” She sighs, first looking disappointed and then glancing around to make sure no one is within hearing range. She covers her mouth as she asks, “Did you fuck him?”
“What?! No!”
“But you want to?” she presses.
“Alvarez! Alexander-Ochoa! You feel like joining the rest of the team?!”
“Yes, coach,” we reply in unison and jog to the huddle.
Coach Matthews grumbles under her breath, but despite a disapproving look my way, she doesn’t say anything I don’t already know regarding my disappointing first half as she goes over strategy.
Apparently it’s not just me messing up. The middle hasn’t been able to control the ball and our strikers haven’t taken enough shots.
At the whistle, we run back on the field. Jess is at my side.
“Don’t let anyone score, Sel, and I’ll show you how you can get him into bed.”
“Jessica!” I let out a scandalized laugh.
She’s running backwards towards the center line. “No goals!” she yells and winks at me.
“No goals,” I repeat.
And that’s exactly what I do. I shut down their offense throughout the second half, reveling in the frustrated, dirty looks the other team and their fans send my way. It’s glorious.
“Just. Ask. Him.”
“En serio? That’s your great advice,” I pout.
“Yes, really. You like him, don’t you?”
I let myself fall back on the couch. “Honestly, I don’t want to like him, but...” I stare up at the ceiling and wonder where I went wrong. How did I get here?
I look into Jess’s kind brown eyes and sigh.
“I really don’t want to,” I mumble, feeling betrayed by my own body and my own thoughts. Why would I ever feel this way about him?! “He’s just so, so—”
“You wanna fuck him.”
I’m twenty-one years old. I’m legally an adult. I should be able to talk about this like an adult.
“Oh my god! Why do I want that?!” I cry, burying my face in my hands.
Jess throws herself on the couch too. “Babe, don’t be embarrassed. It’s totally natural to want sex.”
“But,” I sigh quietly. “I don’t even like him! And I always thought it was supposed to happen between people who—”
“Love is not a requirement for sex,” she giggles. “You’ve watched too many telenovelas and read too many romance novels.”
She’s probably right.
“But shouldn’t two people at least like each other?” I ask. Because it won’t work otherwise, will it?
“Sometimes it’s even better when you don’t,” she winks. “Anyway, Sel, you want him. He wants you. That’s a good enough reason in my book. And most of your books, too,” she giggles. Together we look over at my pretty bookshelves. And then my mind starts wandering.
While I don’t know for a fact that Grayson Rhodes wants me, I keep thinking about that kiss, about sitting on his lap.
I’ve been dreaming about it every night.
The way he held me... The way his body felt.
.. The way his lips brushed along the side of my neck.
.. I’m getting goosebumps just thinking about it.
When he looked at me, I could swear there was fire in his eyes.
And there’s another thing that keeps messing me up. No, not when I felt him excited. Even if the thought has me blushing red! It was the way he smiled. Something just between us. No one else was on the receiving end of one of his rare smiles. No one. Just me.
But, I remind myself we were supposed to be pretending. It was not a real date. It was all fake. I mean, he told me at the beginning of the night that he could be convincing, didn’t he?
“Mira,” Jess sits up. “You can’t ruin a friendship because there is none.
You won’t destroy anyone’s relationship because you’re both single.
You know he’s not going to make it weird afterwards because he only does one night stands.
If you’re going to proposition anyone, he’s the perfect candidate, que no? ”
She’s not wrong.
“You might be right.”
Jess nods. “I’m telling you: you, him, and spicy lessons, what can go wrong?”
I give her a deadpan expression and she falls back in a fit of giggles. I crack a smile because this is crazy talk.
“Okay,” I inhale deeply. “I don’t know about lessons, pero…”
Oh my god. Am I actually considering this?! Me? Selena ‘la virgen’ Alvarez?
Pues si. And not only am I considering it, I’m actually going to do it.
“Pero como le pregunto?” I mean, how in the world am I going to ask Grayson Rhodes to have sex with me. Just sex. One time. No strings. Definitely no lessons.
Jess’s mischievous smirk makes me nervous. “It’s simple. Trust me.“
After my long conversation with Jess, I shower, shave, and moisturize. Once I change into the short pink dress Jess designed for my twentieth birthday (that I’ve never worn because it’s too sheer) and the white sneakers I spent over an hour trying to clean yesterday, I text him.
Selena:
hey Rhodes, how are you?
it’s Selena
Alvarez
btw are you home?
What am I doing? I don’t know why I typed all that.
Rhodes
No.
Selena
what time will you be back?
Rhodes
Why?
I am determined to see him today. Otherwise, I’ll lose my nerve.
Selena
I have a question I need to ask
but the problem is that I don’t know if it’s okay to ask you this question
Why am I using way more words than necessary?
Rhodes
Only one way to find out.
He’s right. I hold my breath as I type, then hit send.
Selena
it has to be in person
He doesn’t reply. There’s no sign on my end that he will. Those three dots are nowhere to be seen.
Still, I continue curling my hair. I make two little braids in the front, then tie them in the back of my head. I do a quick no-makeup makeup look.
As I secure my gold hoop earrings and the little crystal butterfly necklace I save for special occasions, I listen to Jess on the phone with Sammy. She’s inviting him and the guys to watch the new Marvel movie.
Our plan is to get them out of Gibson Place and as we expect, they agree to meet her and Letty at the movie theater in an hour. Only Grayson and Troy won’t be there because neither is currently home.
Maybe that’s a sign. Doubt creeps in and I’m about to send Grayson a text with two words: never mind. Because what in the world am I even thinking?!
But before I start typing, I get a notification that I have a new message. From him.
Rhodes
Be there at 6.