Chapter 35
SELENA
He’s kissing me. Grayson Rhodes is kissing me.
It’s not a gentle kiss. It’s rough and frantic and amazing. He has me pinned to the door. The heat of his body on mine lights a fire deep in my soul.
When his tongue slides and twirls with my own, I can’t help but moan into his mouth. The sound is one I’ve never made and I blush, feeling shy at sounding so obscenely aroused. But, his reaction is so intense, soon I forget to be embarrassed. Because all of a sudden, he seems to be everywhere.
It’s an explosion of heat and hands and tongue all at once. Grabbing my hips, my butt, the small of my back. He squeezes my waist and his palms slide up and up, until he cups my breasts. I arch into his hands, offering myself entirely.
“Fuck,” he groans, grinding his hips against mine. He kisses down my neck as he massages my breasts and it’s the best feeling ever.
The air grows hotter as his hands travel along my body. They go down, down, slow...all the way to my butt. A growl-like sound erupts from his throat as he slips his thigh between my legs. I can feel that hard bulge in his pants.
Grayson grinds his hips against mine and I can’t help think that maybe I should be intimidated, or frightened, but I’m not.
I’m surprised that I’m not. I like how he moves, how desperate he appears at the moment, and how much he seems to want me too.
I hold on to his shoulders, sink my hands into his hair, and bring his mouth back to mine.
Now I’m kissing him. I’m kissing Grayson Rhodes and I don’t want to stop. Ever.
Another moan escapes me when he nips and bites my bottom lip, teasing and tempting. The pulsing spot between my legs grows desperate.
This level of desire is new for me. New and alarming and absolutely addicting. I want more.
“Grayson,” I whimper, completely lost in what he’s making me feel. But when I say his name, he stops. Freezes, actually.
Looking dazed, he leans back, breaking our kiss. His broad shoulders rise and fall almost violently with every breath he takes. Blues eyes are half-lidded and lost, confused, then furious, like he’s a second away from kicking me out of his house.
“What’s wrong?” I ask between trying to catch my breath.
“Nothing,” he mutters, scanning my face.
I blink at him. “Nothing?”
“Nothing,” he repeats, releasing his hold on me and taking a step back, creating too much distance between our bodies. Indecision and panic fill his eyes as he wipes his palms on his jeans.
“What do you mean nothing when it’s obviously something?” The confusion is clear in my tone.
“Listen—” he clears his throat. “We can’t—I can’t.”
“We can, actually,” I smile, still high on him and the amazing kiss we just shared. “We were doing pretty good, I thought.”
One corner of his mouth curves up slightly, like he’s about to smile too, but ends up deciding against it.
“Look, Alvarez, I shouldn’t have—that was—you should go.”
My good mood deflates. The rush of confidence I felt only moments ago evaporates.
“Are you being serious right now?” I ask, adjusting the strap of my dress. I didn’t even notice when he slipped it off.
Grayson looks at everything except me. The door, the coat hanger, the freaking wall! He can’t meet my eyes.
Without another word, he turns on his heel.
“Hey—”
“Close the door on your way out,” he barks, as he disappears around the hallway that leads down to the basement.
What just happened?
I’m standing in the foyer, still turned on, still ready to risk it all. I’m also mad, confused, hurt. I’ve felt this way before. He’s made me feel this way before. Things are different this time.
Freshman year I didn’t know what I was doing or what I wanted. Right now, I still don’t know what I’m doing, but I know exactly what I want. I want him. I want my first time to be with him.
Adrenaline and arousal are clearly still dictating my actions. Why else would I follow him down to the basement instead of preserving what little dignity I have left when it comes to Grayson Rhodes?
As I head down the stairs, Jess’s words from a few weeks ago come back to me: estoy chula, soy chingona, and I’m getting laid tonight.
“Estoy chula, soy chingona, and I’m getting laid tonight,” I repeat quietly to myself as I step into the basement where Grayson’s playing pool.
He’s already in the middle of a game. How long was I standing in the foyer deciding what to do?
“Hey.”
He doesn’t look up.
“I asked you to leave,” he mutters.
Wow, okay. So it’s definitely not going to happen.
It’s fine. I’m fine.
I force back the pressure building behind my eyes. I won’t let him see my tears. I won’t let the anger or embarrassment or confusion simmering just below the surface rise or take over because this is my fault. I put him in this awkward position.
“I’ll go if you like,” I promise and I will. Because although I want this, he clearly does not, so that’s the end of it. I just need to make sure he’s okay and apologize for barging in on him and asking him to have sex with me. What was I thinking?!
With cautious steps, I approach the pool table, like you would a wounded animal. “Sorry I made you feel uncomfortable.”
“You didn’t.”
My heart sinks when he backs away, making sure the pool table stays between us. I clear my throat. “You’re okay then?” I ask him.
He ignores my question while he continues playing pool. Okay, so tonight isn’t going the way I wanted to at all, but at least this time, I won’t be left wondering why he stopped.
It’s simple really. He’s not interested and I should go.
“Yeah, so—”
“I’m not taking your v-card, Alvarez.” His voice is steady and stern and brooks no argument.
He strikes the ball with the cue. While he watches it roll and hit the edge of the table instead of going in the pocket like it’s supposed to, I watch him.
His hands, his forearms, the veins running along both look enticing in a way I’ve never noticed before.
The strangest feeling settles between my legs at the sight.
Has he always been this attractive or am I simply ridiculously and inappropriately turned on right now?
I lean against the table, allowing myself to admire his long and lean, beautiful physique. The dark tussled waves are messy because I ran my fingers through his hair. His eyes are downcast, the tumultuous blue hidden from me.
When the corners of his mouth turn down, his eyebrows draw together as he places the cue stick on the green material. Grayson’s gripping the edge of the table so hard his knuckles turn white.
“And you’re not going to ask anyone else either,” he adds. His eyes meet mine for too short a time before they flicker away.
His dismissal and rejection should convince me to go, but something else happens instead.
I realize his words don’t match his expression or his actions.
He’s holding the edge of the pool table like he’s about to break it in half.
And I’m pretty sure that was jealousy in his tone. Why would he be jealous, unless…
“I mean, if you’re not going to help me—”
In the blink of an eye he’s standing in front of me. Only inches away.
“You’re not asking anyone else,” he repeats. He says it in that deep growly voice that makes my insides tumble in anticipation. Maybe I’m not the only one who wants this.
“I didn’t ask anyone else,” I shrug one shoulder going for nonchalance, but my cheeks burn at his closeness. I focus on him. I focus on how close he is and yet how far. I focus on the fact that I never even considered asking anyone else. “I’m here asking you for a reason.”
Oh no. That might have revealed more than I’m ready for him to know.
His nostrils flare. “What’s the reason?”
If I tell him I’ve been thinking about him nonstop, it’ll freak him out. But maybe I can be honest without revealing more?
I inhale and I talk fast, “You’ve had a lot of sex.” The words tumble out. He narrows his eyes. I keep going, “So you’re probably really good at it. I mean, girls are always talking about you, right?” I’m not sure where I’m going with this.
My mouth feels dry, so I lick my lips. When his blue eyes follow the swipe of my tongue, a warm shiver runs down my spine and settles between my legs.
“People talk about me?”
“Duh,” I smirk but I have to swallow down my nerves when his gaze sweeps across my face. “They do. All the time,” I explain. “In the coffee shop. During your games. At the Gamma party.”
Something flashes in his eyes. Doubt? Interest?
“And?”
“And...I was thinking maybe you could show me?”
Wait no, that came out wrong.
“Just for tonight,” I amend quickly, meeting his gaze.
“Show you what?” His voice is a deep rumble vibrating the entire house.
“How to be good at it, too.”
I hear the sound of wood cracking. I look down. His hands are on either side of me, gripping the edge of the pool table like his life depends on it.
“Who are you trying to impress?” he demands to know, his voice a controlled whisper.
I blink at him.
“If you say Cash Seavers, I will pick you up, carry you up the stairs, and lock you out of my house.”
“No, not him,” I laugh with relief because I think he might actually be considering doing it. “I was supposed to go out with Lucas, remember?”
I’m lying. Again. Lucas hasn’t talked to me since the Gamma party.
Jess mentioned that he asked if Grayson was my boyfriend.
She didn’t know what answer to give (because of the whole situation with Lila), so she simply replied, “I’m not supposed to tell anyone.
” So Lucas—like Lila, and most of the school—assumes Grayson and I are dating.
“Lucas Page?” His gaze intensifies. “On the swim team?”
I nod once.
Grayson arches an eyebrow like he doesn’t believe me. And yet, he still hasn’t moved away.
“What happened to: You’re my brother’s friend. And his teammate. Too messy,” he asks.
That’s what I told Trevor on Sammy’s birthday. How does he remember that? Word for word.
“I was talking about dating one of my brother’s friends, but that’s not what this is.”
“What is this then?” he rasps.
He’s closer now. My breathing is coming faster.
“You’re helping me out.”
“That’s it?”
“That’s it.” I swallow. “Two consenting adults having sex. Just this one time. Just for tonight.”
He moves even closer. Our chests make contact.
“Why me?”
I lift my face to his. I can’t help the way my lips curl into an amused smile.
“Convenience,” I reply and he arches an eyebrow.
“You hate me,” I add, repeating the words he said to me once.
“And, you won’t get the wrong idea about what this is.
” My cheeks, my face, my whole body burns with nervous energy.
“Tomorrow you can go back to hating me,” I whisper.
“I don’t hate you,” he says, his eyes on mine.
“I don’t hate you either.” The words are out before I can stop them. I can’t believe he just said that. Or that I replied how I did either. “Right now, I mean,” I add with a half smile.
One side of his mouth curves up and my breath catches. The heat of his body and his intoxicating nearness wash over me.
“You should kiss me, Rhodes.”
I just said that. Me! Who am I?!
“You sure about this, Alvarez?” he asks, pressing his body to mine and I can feel that huge bulge again. The edge of the pool table digs into my lower back. I’m trapped, but I don’t want to escape.
The world shrinks to the most beautiful eyes I’ve ever seen.
“Grayson, kiss me,” I smile and he does.