Chapter 38
SELENA
Lust curls deep in my belly as Grayson’s tongue swirls and twirls with mine. We’re lying on our sides, facing each other, tangled together on his bed.
It’s weird how I can feel myself relax the more he touches me.
And he seems to like touching me. Everywhere, all over, slowly, as if holding back, and then, frantically like he can’t help himself.
He’s careful, as if wanting to take his time, then with a sort of urgency that makes me feel sexy and cherished and so many other things at once.
Grayson grabs my waist and suddenly I’m on top of him.
I end the kiss. His breathing is ragged.
My breasts are near his face and my legs fall to either side of his narrow hips.
There’s no doubt I’m blushing. Still, I never imagined I’d be this comfortable with him.
Never thought we’d end up doing anything like this ever again either.
“How many girls have you brought up here?” I ask, surprised at myself.
Normally I don’t have a problem sharing what I’m thinking, but this is different.
For one thing, I’m naked, except for the ankle socks still on my feet.
For another, this topic has never been discussed—nor has any other really since Grayson and I rarely ever talk.
And finally, we’re about to have sex. Though we might not after that question.
“One,” he mumbles from my neck, licking a line up my throat.
My thoughts stumble. “Besides me,” I clarify.
His hands had been traveling down my back, curving over my hips to pull me even closer, but he stops. His eyes search mine.
“You want to talk about this right now?” he asks and sighs deeply when he realizes that I do.
I push away from his chest, then climb off him to sit on the bed. When I bring my knees to my chest and wrap my arms around my legs, I pretend I don’t see the distinct downturn of his lips.
“Ask what you’ve been wanting to ask,” he says, resigned, running a hand down his face.
This is the second time he makes that statement. But unlike the first time, I know exactly what I want to know.
“Why did you kick me out?”
I say the words so fast I’m not sure he heard. Regardless, I hold my breath and wait for his reply.
A part of me doubts he’ll answer. That would mean acknowledging what happened. Another part regrets asking and wants to hide so bad. And a third part just wants to get back to kissing him.
“I don’t fuck virgins,” he states bluntly.
My face feels hot and I wither under his gaze.
Should I be offended? I’m not sure. All I know is a strange mixture of relief and shame hits me.
Relief that I didn’t do anything wrong that night in freshman year, shame for practically forcing myself on him this random night of senior year.
I don’t know what to say. Because even though he’s here with me—
“Except for you,” he adds, interrupting my spiraling thoughts. “Apparently you’re the exception to my one rule.”
A surge of adrenaline and anticipation makes my head spin. Grayson’s still looking straight into my eyes as I struggle with what to say.
That’s when he sits up too. “I had a plan set. Post graduation,” he explains. “Didn’t need any complications.”
Something falls into place. “Like Lila?”
“Like that.”
“So she lied to you.”
It’s not a question and he doesn’t comment further. Instead, Grayson runs a hand through his messy hair. His biceps flex with the small action. His abdominals shift, amplifying their definition. Suddenly, I’m sitting here wondering why I stopped kissing him and if we can get back to it.
“So...are you okay with this?” I ask, pointing between us. “Since, you know, I’ve never done this before.”
He looks at me a while and then he stands, his back to me. “It’s just sex, right?”
I’m not sure those are his exact words though.
His deltoids and trapezius muscles are so unfairly impressive.
All of him is. I could seriously sit here and name all the muscles lining his back and his shoulders and his arms—thanks to the one anatomy class Jess didn’t want to take by herself because it was at 8 AM.
“Yup. Just sex,” I repeat, but I’m totally lying.
I can be honest with myself, but not with him. Not about this. Even if I get emotionally attached, I know myself and I am not going to do anything about it. And since he doesn’t do relationships, he has nothing to worry about either.
“Any other questions?” he mutters, turning to face me and I realize he’s still half dressed.
“Just one,” I chew on my bottom lip to keep from smiling.
“Are you ever going to take off your pants?” Excitement climbs up the back of my neck, but too soon my good mood gives way to reality.
“Shoot, I forgot to bring condoms!” I cry.
“I can run and get some! What kind do you like? Any size? How about color? Is that important? Do they even come in colors or is that just something they say in movies?!”
I’m babbling.
“Are you nervous, Alvarez?” Grayson asks, characteristically unfazed.
“Duh.”
“Because it’s your first time or because you’re here with me?” he adds. His shit-eating grin will not make me smile. It will not. It does.
“You’re so dumb,” I tell him, laughing despite myself, purposely not answering his question.
“Listen,” he sobers and declares, “I keep condoms in my car—that’s not a problem—but we don’t have to do this.”
“I want to,” I state with more confidence than I felt when I first arrived at his house and rang the doorbell. “And it’s because I want to, not because I think I should or to prove anything to anyone.”
Grayson makes a face then, as if realizing something himself. “I’m afraid we can’t.”
My stomach drops. “What do you mean?” Now my thoughts are racing and I’m questioning everything. Maybe I’ve shared too much.
“I let Troy take my car.”
Oh.
Oh no!
I groan and fall back on the bed, all but forgetting I’m naked. I never imagined Troy would be the one to ruin this. I was sure it would be me somehow, but maybe...maybe this can still work.
I sit up again.
“I’m on birth control.”
His eyes go wide and it’s only the second time I can remember surprising him.
“Because it helps regulate my period, dork. Some athletes have to use stuff like that. So, um, I’m clean. What about you?” That’s only a question I know to ask because of books I’ve read, which reminds me, “Did you actually read Forced Entanglement?”
His smirk returns. “I did. You should let me borrow the second book in the series.”
Never mind, I do not want to talk about books with him—I don’t know why I brought it up. There’s no way I survive that conversation. Either I blush myself into oblivion or I fall head over heels in love with the guy.
“Can’t,” I shrug. “Don’t own it, remember?” His smirk is turning into a full-blown, teasing smile. “Anyway, we’re not talking about—”
“You brought it up.”
I ignore his interruption because he’s right. “Are we doing this or what, Rhodes?” I challenge.
“We’re doing this,” is his quick response.
My insides flutter with a surge of satisfaction that he wants this too.
“You call the shots, Alvarez,” he assures me, licking his bottom lip. ”And yes, I’m clean.”
“I’m in charge?!” I laugh, “Then those pants have to go!”
He doesn’t laugh, he simply undoes the top button of his jeans. The reality of what that means hits me like a truck.
“Wait!” I stop him. “Put some music on.”
He does this half groan-half chuckle thing that might be the sexiest sound I’ve ever heard. “Music?” he complains.
“I’m in charge,” I remind him, suddenly feeling brave.
Glaring at me, he crosses his room to grab something from his desk. A speaker, I think. Next thing I know, a song plays.
“Oh, I know this one!” I exclaim, but I have no idea about the song’s name or who sings it. I only know one thing—the decade it blew up in. “You only listen to 90s music, huh?”
Grayson’s at the foot of the bed, undoing his fly.
“What’s the, uh, name...” He works his pants down his hips, sliding them over a pair of powerful thighs. “...of, um, this song?”
“I Don’t Want to Miss a Thing.”
“Me either.”
A massive erection is tenting his boxer briefs. His body is truly a sight to behold. He’s...spectacular. Lean and muscular, every cut more impressive than the next.
“That’s the name of this song,” he explains.
“Right,” I mutter, distracted by that delectable V and where it leads.
“My eyes are up here, Alvarez.”
Busted.
Blushing, I giggle. “Yes, but there’s a huge monster in your—”
He yanks his underwear off. Oh shit. Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit. This is definitely an oh shit moment. His erection is huge. It’s hard and thick and now I know why all the girls want seconds.
“It’s—you’re—that’s not going to fit!” I whisper yell.
His smirk is the definition of deadly. “We’ll make it fit.”
My whole body is on fire and the throbbing at my core intensifies.
“Spread those beautiful legs, princess.”
“W-What?” Someone turned up the thermostat by a thousand.
“I want to see your pretty pussy glistening.”
I gasp, blushing at his words. Reading something similar in my smutty books is so different from hearing the words spoken out loud. To me. By him. “Right now?” I squeak, feeling warm all over.
“Yes, right now,” he chuckles quietly and the sound turns me on even more.
As strange as it is learning Grayson Rhodes has a dirty mouth.
.. I like hearing him talk that way. That’s not weird, is it?
I mean, it doesn’t feel weird. It kind of feels like we’re in this little bubble where we can say or do or want anything and it’ll be okay.
Whatever happened before doesn’t matter.
What might happen later doesn’t either. It’s just us. Him and me, right here, right now.
With that thought in mind, I begin to part my legs. I go slow at first. My heart is beating incredibly fast. Chewing on my bottom lip nervously, I spread my legs wider.