Chapter 49
Twelfth grade
Ben didn’t want to be at the party. He’d only gone because of the fight he’d had with Mylie. He wanted to fix it if he could.
All around him people were laughing and having a good time, most of them drunk with a mixture of alcohol and the relief of
being done with high school. They were finally adults.
“If you’re looking for Mylie, she’s not here.”
Ben turned to find Jodi standing in front of him. She was still wearing her graduation cap, although by now it was slightly
askew on top of her head.
“Is she coming?” Ben asked.
Jodi shrugged and shoved a red cup into his hand. “You might as well stay to find out.”
Ben watched Jodi shimmy away from him, and he looked around for a place to sit. The music was unbearably loud. He almost wished
he’d agreed to go back to Chicago right after graduation, like his mother wanted, instead of in the morning. But he’d insisted
on staying, on going to this party, just so he’d have more time with Mylie.
And now she wanted nothing to do with him.
He needed to forget about it. Forget about her. He was leaving for Chicago in the morning, and after that, to college. He had plans. They both did, he guessed. She wanted to open her own business modeled after her grandmother’s bait and tackle truck, and he... well, he wanted to leave Clay Creek. He wanted to live his life outside of this place. At least, that’s what he told himself the minute he’d moved here in the sixth grade.
Then he’d met... there she was. Ben saw Mylie from across the room, leaning against a door frame with a drink in her hand,
looking impossibly bored. He knew she wasn’t—it was just the face she wore when she didn’t want anyone to talk to her.
“I found her!” he heard Jodi call from somewhere in the throng.
Ben made his way over to where she stood. She wouldn’t look at him, but he knew she saw him.
“Hey,” he said.
Mylie crossed her arms over her chest. “Hi.”
“I thought you’d change your mind and not come.”
“I thought you would change your mind and not come.”
Ben sighed. “Could we not argue tonight?” he asked. “It’s my last night in town. I don’t want to leave things like this.”
“Then don’t leave,” Mylie said.
Ben took a drink from his cup. It tasted awful, vaguely like gasoline. He downed the rest of it. “Can we talk? Somewhere not
here?”
“Fine.” Mylie led him outside to the back porch. It overlooked the lake, and she turned her back to him to stare at the moonlit
water.
Ben stood next to her. “You know,” he said. “I am going to miss the lake.”
“You hate the lake,” Mylie said.
“No,” Ben replied. “I hate what’s in the lake.”
“You screamed like a girl the last time we went swimming,” Mylie said, cracking a smile. “I thought you were going to hyperventilate.”
“Jodi grabbed my leg underwater,” Ben protested.
“Come on, Ben,” Mylie said. “What are you doing here?”
“I wanted to see you,” Ben replied. “I didn’t get to say goodbye.”
“Bye,” Mylie said, taking a step away from him.
Ben felt slightly dizzy. He wished he knew what had been in that cup. “No,” he said, his voice a bit hoarse. “I’m not leaving
it like this.”
Finally, Mylie faced him. “But you are leaving.”
“I have to,” Ben said.
“I know.” Mylie tried and failed to smile. “I know you do, but I don’t have to like it.”
Ben grabbed her hand and tugged her closer. “I’m going to miss you more than the lake,” he said.
Mylie leaned into him, and for the first time in years, Ben decided he didn’t want to fight the urge to kiss her, to hold
her, to know what it was like to be more than friends, so he leaned in as well.
Mylie parted her lips, and Ben instinctively reached a hand around her waist to pull her closer. He leaned farther into her
and was so close he could smell her strawberry-scented lip gloss when she pulled away from him.
“This isn’t a good idea,” she said. Mylie was looking up at him, and what she was saying with her eyes didn’t entirely match
the words coming out of her mouth.
“I thought...” Ben replied, trailing off.
“I don’t want to start something we can’t finish,” Mylie said. “I mean, what happens if I let you kiss me?”
Ben let go of her. “I don’t know.”
“You’re still leaving.”
“I am.”
“Then what’s the point?” Mylie asked.
Ben shrugged. He didn’t know. For the first time, he hadn’t thought it through. And now, now that he’d come so close only to fail, he knew why he’d never let his impulses get the better of him before.
“I’m sorry,” he said finally. “I thought that this was what you wanted.”
“What I wanted?” Mylie asked.
This was all coming out so wrong. “That’s not what I meant,” Ben said. “Look, can we just forget this ever happened? You’re
right. This was a mistake.”
The hurt on her face was palpable, but she nodded, and Ben was caught somewhere between feeling both guilty and angry. What
did she want? “Yeah,” she said. “Let’s forget it.”
“I’ll call you tomorrow morning before I leave?” Ben asked.
“And then again once you get there?”
Ben forced his face into a smile and said, “Yes. Then again once I get there.”