Chapter 28
The day had started well.Sitting in my living room, I focus on answering emails while Corentin shares the space with me. Suddenly, a strange sound reaches my ears. At first, I dismiss it, but when Lola”s faint barking reaches my eardrums, my heart stops. Corentin and I look at each other, and we understand something is wrong.
I hastily close my computer and rush to my bedroom. My body freezes, a chilling sensation creeping into the pit of my stomach, as I discover the horrifying scene before me: Lola lying on the floor, breathing heavily. My heart pounds in my chest, each beat reminding me of the nightmarish reality I find myself in. I fervently hope I am immersed in a dream, an illusion too realistic to be true.
Silently, I pray for someone to wake me from this nightmare, for Lola to get up and bark happily. But a faint whimper from my dog cruelly brings me back to the harsh reality. Anguish tightens the features of my face as I approach her with caution, almost as if I fear the mere touch of my hand could make things worse.
“What”s happening to you?” I articulate with a trembling voice, stunned by the image before me.
While Lola has had some health issues in the past, nothing compares to this. Her current condition goes beyond anything I”ve faced. My little companion”s pleading eyes fix on me, revealing a suffering I cannot ignore. An exchange of glances between Corentin and me is enough to decipher the gravity of the situation. I turn to Corentin, who stands in the doorway of my room. His face is impassive, but his eyes betray the sorrow he feels. He knows as much as I do what is happening is serious.
“Corentin, we need to do something,” I manage to articulate despite the tightness in my throat.
He nods, his voice remaining composed as he reassuringly responds, “We”ll take her to the vet. Let him determine what”s wrong and how to treat her.”
The words escape my lips in a barely audible whisper, revealing the terror swirling in my mind, “And if nothing can be done?”
Corentin locks his gaze with mine, as if sensing my need for comfort, for a promise. The promise Lola will recover, and we”ll return home. No matter how long it takes, as long as she regains her vitality. His soft, emotion-laden voice reassures me, “It will be okay, my tulip. I”m here for you, I won”t leave you.”
I nod, my hands trembling as I gently pick up Lola. Her whimper of pain pierces my heart, accentuating my guilt. I”m sure I must be hurting her, but fortunately, Corentin intervenes, bringing her basket so she can be more comfortable. His movements are assured, contrasting with mine. My muscles tense, ready to give in to the weight of anxiety, and I barely hold back the tears threatening to fall. I gently stroke her now frail body as the seconds tick by.
“Hang on, my sweet.”
Gathering my courage, I straighten up, attempting to control my emotions. I quickly gather my things and Lola”s belongings. When Corentin guides me to his car, I follow obediently, my mind filled with worry. In the back of the vehicle, I settle near my dog, her basket on my lap. My fingers glide gently over her fur, and I plant light kisses on the top of her head. Thoughts swirl in my head as my phone vibrates.
I initially refuse to pay attention, but when the vibrations persist, I finally decide to answer, letting out a resigned sigh.
“Florence, you need to?—”
I immediately recognize Manille”s voice.
“Lola is sick.”
A silence settles in, broken by my friend”s muffled exclamation, clearly caught off guard by the news. Her subsequent words betray her concern, and I feel the knot of anxiety tightening in my own chest.
“What happened? Do you think she”ll be okay?”
I instinctively shake my head, realizing afterward she can”t see me.
“I don”t know. We”re going to the vet.”
It feels almost impossible to put into words all my fears, all the dark premonitions swirling in my mind. It”s as if saying them out loud makes them more tangible, more real. I refuse to let myself be overwhelmed by pessimism. I cling to the hope Lola will pull through, and we”ll go back home, putting this episode far behind us.
“Okay, keep me posted. I”ll also inform Manille. We believe in Lola; everything will be fine. She”s a fighter.”
Manille tries to be reassuring, but her voice is tinged with anxiety. Nevertheless, she”s right—Lola is a warrior. She”s strong, and she will fight. I take a deep breath, trying to calm the frantic beating of my heart. Despite the fear and helplessness overwhelming me, I remain determined to keep my head high for her.
“Thank you.”
“Tell me Corentin is with you and you”re not alone.”
“Yes, he”s here.”
As always.
I hear her sigh of relief. Manille tries once again to dispel my fears, to soothe and convince me everything will be fine. However, when I hear another whimper from Lola, my mind is caught in a storm of doubts and fears.
The call ends abruptly as we reach the veterinary clinic. With attentive gestures, Corentin goes around the car to open the door for me. My movements are slow and clumsy, imbued with palpable tension. My gaze rests on Lola, her condition worsening before my eyes. We hurriedly enter the clinic, blind to any other patient present. Urgency is all matters to me. I try to explain the situation hastily, but Corentin speaks up, calmly expressing our distress. The vet asks us to wait in the waiting room, accentuating my sense of powerlessness. Each passing second feels like an eternity, and the beat of my heart is tinged with anxiety.
My weakened body curls up against Corentin, my head resting on his shoulder. We wait, worry infiltrating my being. In a whisper, I express, “Corentin, I”m so scared,” holding back the tears threatening to fall. “I”m scared for her.”
“I know, Florence. I”m scared too.”
I lift my head to meet his gaze, and now I understand the pain in his eyes. Despite his own emotions, he remains strong for me, offering unwavering support in this difficult situation. My fingers tenderly slide through his hair, then gently caress his cheek. The touch of our skin somewhat soothes my inner turmoil. Our breaths mingle, our foreheads touch, and in this silent exchange, I find comfort.
Finally, we are called for the X-ray. The results are announced quickly, delivering the verdict in a voice chilling me to the bone. My vision blurs, my heart seems to shatter into a thousand pieces. I could almost collapse on the floor if Corentin didn”t support me, keeping my body from swaying.
“Your dog”s lungs are filled with water. Due to her heart failure, her heart is pumping way too hard. Lola is?—”
My thoughts blur, and I stop hearing the words coming out of his mouth. All that matters is the cruel reality standing before me. I nod mechanically, my thoughts confused and foggy. My Lola wasn”t getting any younger, I know that. Over ten years of loyalty and presence. But she was supposed to be timeless in my eyes, eternal. My world crumbles, everything fades except the piercing pain settling in my heart. The vet”s words become a whisper in my mind as Lola”s body convulses. Everything in me screams, everything in me tears apart as the vet tries to revive her. Her heart not responding to any of his attempts.
There, before my eyes, I witness the end. It”s over; my star has extinguished, plunging my universe into darkness.
Corentin”s arms hold me as I collapse, tears flooding my vision. I”m overwhelmed by a crisis of pain and grief, the world around me becoming blurry and insignificant. The vet”s voice reaches my ears, announcing the loss I feared the most.
“Your dog couldn”t be brought back to life.”
A poignant silence fills the room, only broken by Corentin”s and my discreet sobs. A silent scream shatters within me, and the weight of reality crashes onto my shoulders. My best friend, my companion, is gone. I can”t comprehend, can”t assimilate. My body is suspended, my breath stopping as if it takes a piece of me with it.
Corentin”s voice tries to pierce the fog of my pain. “Florence?”
But the words get lost in the whirlwind of my distress.
“Can I be alone, please?” I mumble miserably.
The vet withdraws, and Corentin, respectful, leaves me alone with my dog. His gentle words resonate in the air, and my tears cascade down my cheeks. I refuse to leave without saying goodbye to Lola. My fingers stroke her fur, my words whispered in a final effort to ease her suffering.
“You”ve been my best friend, my darling. You filled my life with joy and love. I”m so sorry you had to go this way, my girl. It wasn”t supposed to happen like this.”
Tears flood my face, pain mingling with my thoughts. My father”s departure was nothing like this tear. My heart bleeds as life seemed to move forward, a sun has gone out. My dear Lola, my universe, my everything. Her barks, her licks, her wiggling behind with each step, all gone.
How could I ever face her absence?
Lola was supposed to be my eternity, but now, everything crumbles. Regrets chain me, gnawing at me from the inside. The last moments were too quick, too stressful. I would have wanted her to leave peacefully, far from any anxiety. Not like this, with all the angst hanging in the air. My farewell is filled with sorrow and remorse.
I remain there, beside her, savoring these last moments of closeness. I eventually get up, leaving the room with the weight of her absence heavy in my heart. I let Corentin have his time before we head back to the apartment. For now, Lola rests at the vet”s, giving me time to decide what to do with her body. My stomach hurts, I feel like vomiting, unable to bear this reality now mine.
The journey back is silent, no words having the ability to describe our pain. Corentin, with a closed face, remains focused on the road, a wall of silence rising between us. Whether it”s a comfort or a burden, I”m not sure. His face is impassive, hiding immense sorrow in his eyes. We return to the apartment, an inexplicable void filling the space once filled by Lola.
In the living room, Charlotte and Manille await us, their worried gazes resting on us. The sight of Lola”s toy at my feet reignites my pain, and tears resume their uncontrollable flow. The entire apartment is imbued with her presence, and I doubt I could ever recover from my loss.
“Lola,” I sigh, powerless.
The words escape my lips in a whisper, tears silently streaming down my cheeks. Only a few hours ago, she was here, and everything seemed fine. I could not have anticipated she would depart in this way. All of this was so abrupt and fast, I still find it hard to believe it happened.
“Lola is gone.”
The announcement is brutal, an unbearable weight on our hearts. We embrace, tears and sadness uniting us in our grief. Corentin”s arms join us, and we form a circle of pain and support. Cries overwhelm us, our emotions mingling in a silent communion.
Words become superfluous as pain tightens its grip, and I let myself sink into the arms of my friends, eyes moist and weary. My thoughts are blurred, pain a heavy burden in my heart. My body trembles, shaken by the relentless reality. Sadness chokes me, and even hours after the news, I struggle not to cry. I refuse to eat when offered and go to my room.
I finally surrender to sleep, exhausted by the wave of emotions overwhelming me.
* * *
I wake up with a start,my throat raspy from silent sobs, and my head in disarray, trapped in a nightmare feeling all too real. Sweat glues my hair to my forehead, and my eyes are blurred with tears. My heart pounds in my chest, an oppressive heaviness settling in, a constant reminder of the pain surrounding me.
Lola is no longer here. The weight of her absence hits me with the force of a hurricane, tearing me away from the illusion of sleep. I instinctively turn to the right, hoping to catch a glimpse of her familiar little snout rising to greet me with joy. But there”s only emptiness, a space left gaping by her absence.
My breath shatters, and tears stream down my cheeks uncontrollably. The pain of her loss is unbearable, a vast void threatening to engulf me entirely. The apartment reminds me of her absence.
My legs carry me slowly out of bed, but it”s a trial. My movements are infused with her missing presence. I gaze, blurred with grief, falls on Manille who sleeps peacefully, oblivious to the whirlwind of emotions engulfing me.
I sigh, a sad and muffled sound, and get up with difficulty. I feel an irresistible need to drink, to find illusory comfort in the temporary oblivion alcohol can offer. As I leave my room, I am surprised to find Corentin sitting on the couch, his eyes fixed on his phone. The creaking of the floor under my steps makes him turn his head in my direction, and I feel both vulnerable and understood under his gaze.
“My tulip.”
His sweet nickname reaches me like a balm on a gaping wound. My steps lead me toward him without hesitation, as if an invisible magnet irresistibly pulls me toward him. I lie down on the couch without giving Corentin time to react, finding immediate comfort in the warmth of his body. His arms close gently around me, a protective cocoon surrounding and soothing me. The familiar scent of his cologne fills my senses, giving rise to a sense of belonging I hadn”t felt in a long time.
My head naturally finds the hollow of his neck, a place where I can hide the devastating emotions threatening to engulf me. I breathe in his scent, letting myself be rocked by the comforting closeness, even as I am shaken by the brutal reality of the situation.
Finally, I sit up slightly, my hand delicately resting behind his neck. My lips press against his with an unexpected boldness, a need for a deep connection to escape, if only for a moment, the lingering pain. The kiss is an exchange of pain and desire, a dance where our emotions mingle in a chaotic way.
The intensity of the moment grows, our lips uniting in a chord of mutual understanding. My fingers sink into his curls, pulling them back slightly in a mix of tenderness and desire. The caresses of his hands on my skin evoke electric shivers, a physical reaction to our emotional connection.
When we finally part, our eyes meet, and I see in Corentin”s pupils a deep compassion, an echo of my own pain. I feel his hands holding me firmly against him, a solid anchor in this storm of emotions. My eyelids close briefly to contain the tears threatening to escape, but they remain relentless. When I open them again, Corentin”s red-rimmed eyes, filled with empathy, pierce me, offering a mirror of our shared suffering.
“I”m so sorry about Lola.”
Each word is like a stone thrown into the ocean of my sadness, creating waves of pain. Unable to contain my emotions, my fingers find their way to his face, my thumbs gently caressing his cheeks. He murmurs muffled words, words of comfort I struggle to hear over the pounding of my broken heart. We stay there, entwined, bound by the pain we share, the silence of the night only broken by his constant whispers of comfort and compassion.