Chapter 16
Chapter Sixteen
Auster didn’t know what to do. She’d said he had his life, but he didn’t; she had his service; she had his life, and she was the only one who could tell him how he should spend it.
Auster had never needed direction before; he’d always known what he wanted and usually had a path to get there, but not now.
Void he was so lost.
He knew he’d lost them, knew they would never love him again, but maybe someday they might be able to look at him without the anger that Boreus had in his eyes as he stood in the doorway and watched him and Autumn.
Boreus walked into the room, but he only had eyes for Autumn. And that was right. As much as he wanted to, he couldn’t speak to Boreus. He knew that his love was grinding his teeth on his anger at him and was frankly startled that he hadn’t called Auster out yet.
They left soon after that, without a further word to him, but with the stacks of letters that he’d written.
Auster wondered what they were doing with them all, if they read them, if they even opened them.
He knew Boreus hadn’t, knew that those letters were just going into the fire.
And Autumn never took hers, even though Auster was desperately wanting her to at least look at one of them so she would know that he understood now.
Eleni was the unknown. Was she letting herself read his letters, or was the pain still too fresh?
He was alone again, and he sat back down on the sofa and opened the basket.
She always brought him food, interesting things that would have been on the table at the Bastion.
If she had just brought him bread and water, he would have understood that, but the food was hot, and the fruit was cold and juicy.
All of it centered on Autumn. Auster nibbled on a kiwi and tried to think his way around the problem. Not to be forgiven, but to try to find a sort of equilibrium that might let them save Skirion.
Light had been very clear that was the only reason he hadn’t been stripped and banished from the Mountain. Because it would take all of them to save Skirion.
So he had to figure out a way to the path forward. If the letters didn’t work, something had to; he just needed to find it. If he could find a way through to Autumn, he could find a way to make Boreus see him.
And if they could both look at him, then Eleni might come around to him again. She and Autumn were braided; that meant what affected one affected them both.
But what would have worked for Eleni, reminding her that he loved her, would not work on Autumn. Autumn knew he didn’t love her, knew that the only reason he’d been there at all was to see Eleni.
He’s not been subtle about hating her for keeping Eleni from him. She hadn’t been; Eleni had always been there, but he hadn’t been able to see it. If Eleni had been there, she would have whacked him over the head as an idiot.
Didn’t that mean that the only way forward was to love Autumn? Auster looked back into the basket, staring at the hot roasted meat, and sighed. He would not lose this battle. He would find a way and a reason, and he would love Autumn.
Part of him already had. He’d loved her in the dark when he’d thought she was Eleni.
The door opened again, shattering Auster’s thoughts. He looked up, swallowing the mouthful of fruit and rising to see who would come and visit him.
It was someone he barely knew. No one in their right mind spent any time of note with Chaos, but he was Advisor to the Highest now. As such, Auster would pay his respects. Autumn had called him Elder, and that would do for him.
Auster bowed to Chaos, even though it felt strange. “How might I be of service, Elder?”
Chaos giggled, but the look he gave Auster was deadly serious. “Broke the braid,” he said flatly. “Put her in danger, my little bird.”
“I don’t know how to mend it.” Auster said, forcing himself to meet Chaos’ eyes. “How do I mend it?”
“Sew,” Chaos pointed at him, reaching out to poke him in the forehead. “Bind. You would become balance, but you cannot balance yourself.”
“I hurt the people I love.” He started.
“Love is cheap,” Chaos broke in. “Cheap and shining and all. Before you will be seen, you must be visible.”
And then Chaos was gone, stepping out through the air instead of out the door. Leaving Auster to try and make his words make sense.
If he wasn’t visible, if they could no longer see him past the hurt he’d caused, then how could he take that from him so they could see that he was in earnest?
The letters didn’t work, and they never would. Words wouldn’t work, only action. He was going to have to prove that he wanted them to see him again. He wouldn’t ask forgiveness, but if they saw him, that would be a start.
He couldn’t leave the villa, or could he?
Auster tried, finding that he could exit the villa doors, and then the olive grove, there was nothing truly stopping him from going where he wanted to go. He could leave it all, banish himself from the Mountain, and try to atone that way.
Instead, he went to the rear of the villa, where the seeds that Boreus had tossed from the window had sprouted and bloomed into a little bed of herbs. And he knew where there was a lemon tree.
Instead of letters that no one was reading, instead of words that they couldn’t hear and wouldn’t believe, he would do something that wasn’t sitting around with his head in his hands.
He selected the stems carefully, basil and thyme and rosemary, going and fetching the lemons before returning to the villa and setting it up on the table.
He found candles, setting them in the middle of the table and looked at the sun as it was setting. This was when they had come before, so perhaps they would come again.