Chapter 26
Chapter Twenty-Six
Auster was waiting, but he wasn't precisely sure what he was waiting for. He supposed he was waiting for Autumn to come back, but if what Boreus had told him last night had been true, then maybe he shouldn't be asking her to take the lead.
His forgiveness was still in her hands, but maybe if he wasn't making her come to him every time, it might be simpler for her to believe he was in earnest. Boreus had told him how him and Autumn had come to love each other, and without the weight of the betrayal he'd dealt her, the beginning of his and Autumn's story was strikingly similar.
Auster nodded to himself and left the villa. he knew where the Bastion was, knew that was where they were staying, so he would go there and request to be in their presence.
He crossed the meadow, climbed the slope and opened the door to the Bastion. One of the Unseen was just inside, he could feel them standing there.
"I would like to see Autumn." he said, far more confidently than he felt.
There was the lightest brush over the back of his hand and Auster followed. The light pressure led him through the hallways of the Bastion to a small, gilded door in a hallway full of other identical doors.
The unseen wafted away, leaving Auster to stare at the gilded panels. He'd come here with no true plan, and now he was wondering if it had been a good idea after all. But he was here, and if he wanted to begin to know her, then he should be braver about it than he was being.
Auster raised a hand, knocking on the door, hearing the echo of the sound race into the other side of the door.
It took a while, long enough that Auster had almost decided that they weren't here, when the door opened to reveal Autumn, with Boreus standing right behind her.
"East Wind?" Autumn looked puzzled. "What brings you here?"
"I thought maybe you would come and walk with me." He bowed, offering her a hand. "Maybe we could talk?"
She was going to refuse, he could see it in her face, in the lines of her body, and then all the fight went out of her and she looked up at him with tired eyes.
"Alright," she said softly.
He was confused, looking up at Boreus, trying to ask without asking. Boreus just laid his hands on her shoulders and gave Auster a sad smile.
She reached out and put her hand in his, her fingers were cold and shaking. All he could do was wrap his fingers around hers and try not to pull her into his arms.
Or maybe he should, maybe that would help. She looked terribly sad, tired and afraid, it he didn't know if offering her affection would help or harm.
Once more into the breach. Auster gave her a tiny smile and let her hand go. She looked sadder for a moment, and then resignation took over and she turned away from him.
"Autumn, look at me, please." Auster pleaded, reaching out for her. "I want to see you, the way I should have from the beginning."
She turned back to him, eyes golden and sad, falling flecks of scarlet, like leaves from a tree. There was a significance there, something that would tell him what she needed if he could only look past the resignation and sorrow on her face.
He would think about it later, for now, he was going to at least try to hold her. Boreus had told her that they had danced for the first time when she was near to coming apart with sorrow, and it looked as though they were back there again.
"Dance with me?" He offered her his arms. "Come and dance with me, Autumn; let me at least try to replace your thoughts for a little while."
She looked at his hand and then looked into his eyes. "I cannot give her back to you, East Wind."
"I am not asking Eleni." He said gently. "I am asking Autumn."
She just shook her head, and then the fight went out of her again, and she slumped with a broken sigh. "As you will."
"What do you want?" He asked, trying to understand. "Why are you so sad, Autumn?"
"What I want does not matter." She looked down and away from him. "I am ordered to let this go to safeguard the Mountain, and my feelings are of no concern."
"That's wrong," he protested. "Why would your feelings not matter?"
"Why would they?" She looked up at him, eyes carefully empty. "I am only to accomplish setting Skirion free and then I am to safeguard the Song of the Mountain."
"But what else?" He couldn't figure this out, it felt like she was empty of hope, and that was so wrong that his mind didn't want to accept it. "What is there for Autumn?"
She just sighed, shaking her head. "Do I matter beyond what I must do?"
"You do to me." Auster reached out and took her hand, pressing it to his heart. "You matter to Boreus, and you matter to me."
"You don't know me." She didn't struggle or try to pull away from him, but her empty eyes stayed that way and the emptiness hurt him. "I will do as I am required, and in the end, I will not be remembered as anything but?—"
"I will remember you," Auster pulled her close, cradling her to his chest. "I see you, I may not know you, but I see you."
She still didn't fight him, even though he was expecting it. She just stood in his arms, but there was nothing for him to lock onto. Auster wasn’t sure what to do, but he needed to try. He’d done this, had set off something in her chest and it was tearing her apart.
So he started to sway, eyes flicking to Boreus and then looking back down to Autumn, who was looking at him like he was mad. But that was something, her eyes weren’t empty, and that was something.
He kept moving, swaying with her until she looked down, away from him and he wasn’t certain what he’d done wrong until he get the front of his shirt get damp. She was crying, soundlessly, pain that he was powerless to stop.
But it wasn’t blank, and that was something.