Chapter 38
Chapter Thirty-Eight
Boreus nodded to Day. “Is there something that we can do for her?”
Day shook her head. “Just let her rest, and she will recover.”
“Thank you,” Auster said, eyes never leaving Autumn’s form where Day was pulling the blankets over her. “We’ll take care of her.”
Auster saw Day out, while Boreus knelt at the side of the bed and kissed Autumn’s forehead. Her eyes opened briefly; there was the tiniest smile on her face, and then she was gone again.
It was a week before she’d recovered enough to be awake for short periods of time. Usually just long enough to eat whichever soup Auster had made that day, and then she would fall back asleep.
But she was awake for longer and longer, her recognition was coming back, and Boreus knew the day when she finally remembered what she’d done. He caught her trying to sneak out of their bedroom in the dead of night, fully dressed, shoes in hand, worry and sorrow on her face.
Boreus got up, and then in between her and the door. “Going somewhere?”
She looked awful, barely recovered and still only sort of able to stand. “The season is changing,” she said quietly. “It is my duty to?—”
“Is it?” Boreus asked. “Or are you running from your own fear again?”
“I can’t stay,” she didn’t look at him. “I have to let you both make a decision, and you’ll never make it if I’m here staring at you.”
“And if we already decided that we love you?” Boreus asked. “What will you do then? Will you continue to doubt what we tell you? Or will you finally believe us and put the past where it belongs?”
I don’t know,” she said, voice low and miserable. “I want to.”
“But?”
“But I don’t feel like I’m worth it.” She said after a moment. “I don’t know what I can give you that makes me worth it.”
“It’s not a transaction, Autumn.” He reached out, hooking a finger under her chin and making her look at him with those golden eyes.
He’d finally found the pattern in her eyes.
The more she felt, the more emotions she was trying to hide, the more scarlet flecks fell through her eyes. “Love, just trust us.”
She closed her eyes, took a deep breath, and then looked up at him and nodded. “Alright.”
“It’s going to take more than that.” Boreus said, leading her to the couches on the terrace. “Sit here, wait for me to come back.”
“I will,” she nodded, setting her shoes to the side.
Boreus went back inside, back to their bed, where Auster was just sitting up and looking around for Autumn. “She’s out on the terrace.” He said, breaking the beginnings of panic he could see in his partner.
“Alright,” Auster got up and pulled his trousers on. “I am going to?—”
“You are going to tell her you love her first.” Boreus said. “Everything else can wait.”
“I know,” Auster said, heading for the door, out to the terrace where he stopped and looked at Autumn, who was looking back at him.
“Auster—” her voice was a whisper.
“Autumn,” he crossed to her, kneeling at her feet. “You—” he reached to pull her into his arms. “You left.”
“I had to see—” she shook her head, pulling away from him. “I wanted you to come to the right conclusion, and you couldn’t with me sitting here being a sad lump all over the place.”
“What is the right conclusion, Autumn?” He looked at her, and Boreus watched her thoughts spin. “What is it you want me to say here?”
“You don’t have to say anything you don’t feel.” She said faintly.
Auster sighed, and Boreus watched her shrink, folding in on herself like a dying flower. “If I tell you how I feel, will you believe me?”
“I will accept whatever you tell me.” Autumn replied. “If you want me to leave, I will accept that.”
“What if I want you to choose the harder path?” He asked. “What if I want you to stop running and face how I feel about you? Can you do that, or am I going to have to keep chasing you?”
She closed her eyes, and Boreus nearly stepped in to whack Auster over the head and tell him to just tell her. But Autumn nodded, holding herself stiffly, as if she knew what was coming, knew it would hurt.
He cupped her cheek, Boreus watching the shudder that traveled down her spine, and Auster kissed her softly. “Look at me, Autumn, look me in the eyes while I tell you my truth.”
She opened her eyes, gold even brighter now that it was under tears that she wouldn’t let fall. Auster smiled at her, kissing her again.
“I love you,” he said, voice soft. “Autumn, I love you.”
She looked utterly startled, and said nothing for a few moments while the wheels in her head turned. Boreus thought she would reject Auster, but instead she looked up at him with watery eyes and smiled.
“I love you,” she whispered back. “I love you and I love Boreus.”
“Stay with us,” Auster cupped her cheek again. “Stay, Autumn, stay with us, try to trust us and we will love you as much as you will allow.”
“I want to,” she leaned into his touch. “I missed you, I missed Boreus, but I’m a coward, and I didn’t want to watch you decide you didn’t want me.”
“But I do,” he corrected, leaning in to kiss her again. “I do want you, Autumn. I want your days and your nights, I want your joy and your sorrow and everything in between.”
“Thank you,” she closed her eyes. “This is a selfish request, and I know that, but will you hold me for a little while?”
“Forever,” Auster told her, gathering her into his arms. “Always, whenever you need me, I’ll be there.”
She craned up and kissed his cheek before curling down into his arms and letting out a pained little sound as she released the past, the pain and the loneliness, all of it back to where it belonged.
They would still have bad days. Days when the past reared its head and they had to convince her that she was worth loving. But their days would be brighter now, the Song would be brighter, and that would make everything better.
In the end, it would be them together, and Boreus couldn’t think of what would make that better.
They took her back to bed, curling around her, and holding her until she softened, falling back asleep and leaving them to smile at each other over her head.