Chapter 23
Rosie
“Thank you for dinner, Dad.” I help move the dirty plates to the kitchen and then pass them to him as he fills the dishwasher.
“It was my pleasure. It’s lovely to have you and Tabi visit.”
“Can we play hide and seek?” Tabi asks.
“No. I’m chatting with your mum.” I raise my eyebrows at him as he whispers, “She must have cheated last time. She found me too easily.”
“There’s a colouring-in book in my bag, Tabi. It’s a princess one. Why don’t you colour while I chat with Grandad?”
“Grumpy, grumpy Grandad,” Tabi sings, earning me a glare.
“Sasha started it.”
He rolls his eyes. “A likely story. How are you?”
“She’s tired,” Mum grumbles. My shoulders tighten, but I smile. I don’t want an argument. I’m already wired because Niki’s in Japan, preparing for his first professional drive since the accident. The messages he’s sent as he travelled are littered with his anxiety.
I check my phone. He’ll leave for the track in three hours. I’m available for him all night if necessary. His counsellor is, too. But we can’t change anything if he’s not ready.
Tabi’s crayons scatter across the floor, drawing me out of my Niki daze.
As I help her pick them up, Mum whispers to Dad, “She’s distracted and exhausted. She wasn’t like this when she worked with us.”
He shushes her, but the comment lodges in my head along with the criticism I’ve faced the last four years while trying my best.
“I like your top, Tabi,” my dad says.
Tabi spins, showing off her Coulter F1 Racing T-shirt, which has a caricature of Tawny on it. “She works at Mummy’s zoom place.”
Dad catches my eye and smiles, but Mum’s tsk makes me sigh.
“It’s nice, isn’t it, Mum? And Tabi loves it. Tawny’s a great role model for young girls.”
Tabi beams before sitting at the kitchen table. My dad helps her pick crayons as Mum says, “Tabi seems tired as well. Has she been more anxious because of your new job and all the extra hours you’re doing?”
I purse my lips. “She’s fine. It took her a while to get used to everything, but she’s doing great. Aren’t you, baby?”
“I’m not a baby. I’m four.”
Dad chuckles, but Mum’s eyes pinch as she stares at me. As I fill a glass with water, wishing I were sneaking a can of pop from my personal fridge, my mum stands beside me.
“Honey, I don’t mean to make you feel bad, but I know what it’s like to bring up a child.
You’re still a new mum, really. How about you come back to the carpet business?
When we learned I was pregnant with you, I resigned and gave you all my time.
I know you can’t do that, but at least in a sensible nine-to-four job at the carpet company, you can make sure you’re always there when Tabi needs you.
You’ve checked your work phone several times tonight.
We wouldn’t expect you to work out of hours. ”
“Niki doesn’t expect me to. I offered. He needs my support.”
“Tabi needs your support. He’s a millionaire. He could have anyone. She only has you.”
I’m not surprised by her tone. My mum had me late. I was that miracle child who was born after my parents gave up trying. It was her dream to have a child, and she gave up everything to raise me.
“Mum, I’m not like you. I want to experience the world and have a career that I’m excited about and that makes me happy.”
“I didn’t need anything other than you to be happy. Tabi should be enough,” she whispers.
“She is. That’s not what I meant. I’ll always put her first.”
She pulls me close. My pocket vibrates with a call, but I ignore it.
“I expect that’s your boss,” Mum grumbles.
I close my eyes and attempt to centre myself, but all I see is nineteen-year-old me, juggling university studies and a baby. I want a future where I’m not struggling for money or a failing parent. I also want to be seen as a woman in my own right while realising my dreams.
I’m not sure I can have a life where I’m successful and my daughter is well-adjusted.