Chapter 73
Rosie
Istretch out in my bed. My throat’s raw from throwing up over the last couple of days. Tabi’s bug only lasted twenty-four hours, but I’m not as good at fighting viruses.
A fresh glass of water sits by my bed. I’ve not seen Sasha in ages, as I was so out of it, but she’s cared for me so well this week.
I haven’t heard anything but giggling and singing from Tabi.
I check my phone. It’s Thursday. I’ve lost nearly three days. I hope Niki’s okay and made it to Hungary. I miss him so much. I don’t want it to be over between us, but he ditched me because he found something he wanted more. I can’t compete with that.
So why did he resemble a man who’d lost everything when he waved me goodbye at the park? We must talk it out properly. We need to talk about Scott’s arrival and our future, but caring for Tabi took everything I had.
I compose a message when the scent of bacon and pancakes fills my apartment.
My stomach rumbles.
“Find simple food and then message him,” I mumble, still weak from the past days.
“Thank you,” I whisper at the paracetamol by my bed before swallowing it. It’s another heavenly gift from Sasha. She’s a better nurse than I thought.
Everything aches as I throw on the fresh clothes at the end of my bed: ironically, a shirt with Niki’s name on it and fleecy joggers that comfort me instantly.
I stumble towards the kitchen as I relish the luxury of my joggers. When did I buy these? I try to check the label, but twisting makes me woozy.
Tabi’s giggles mix with a male chuckle.
I freeze at the edge of the kitchen.
“Niki,” Tabi says, “Is Belle still your favourite princess?”
Niki stands at the hob, flipping pancakes.
A glittery tiara sits on his head. It matches the pink one on Tabi’s.
She’s wearing Belle’s princess dress, which she’s wanted for forever.
It’s always been sold out when I’ve tried to buy it.
Graham sits in a dog bed on the floor, wearing a matching tiara.
“Yes,” he replies, “I love her.”
“I love her, too.”
Tabi sings “Be Our Guest” from Beauty and the Beast. She sits on the counter, and her legs sway back and forth as she sings. At her massive smile, my eyes blur with tears.
“You have to sing, too,” she demands, “and don’t forget the voices. You’re really good at the voices. You read the best bedtime stories.”
“Even better than Scott’s?”
“Way better. He tried to do the voices in the car when I was sick. The Beast sounded like when grandad tries. Yours are better than everyone’s.”
Niki grins as he sings, and they bring the song to a crescendo as he plates the food.
“I’m going to check on your mummy once we’ve eaten.”
“We can do it together if you’re scared,” Tabi asks.
“Yes please. I still worry I might get ill. But I want to look after her. She’s cared for me.”
“’Cause she’s your Disney princess?”
“Because she’s my angel.”
My cheeks are wet from tears, but I stay quiet because the scene in front of me is like a fairytale. I don’t know what the future holds, but I’ve found my family. I will make it work if Niki drives for a team. He gives me what I didn’t believe I’d ever have. He turns up when no one else does.
My stomach rumbles loudly, and Tabi shouts, “Mummy, you’re up! But you’re crying. Mummy’s crying, Niki. What’s wrong?”
I shake my head as Niki rushes over.
“Wait,” Tabi shouts, and he runs back to her. She squeezes sanitiser on his hands, and he puts on his mask before lifting her off the counter and returning to me.
He stutters, “Are you hurt, Rosie? You shouldn’t be out of bed. You haven’t eaten in days.”
He tucks his arm under me to help me back to bed, but I grip his waist. “I’m okay. Famished but okay. Watching you two got to me. I love you so much.”
“I love you, too, baby, even though you smell like me and Connor used to after celebrating an F1 podium.”
He pushes my tears away with his thumbs as Tabi hugs me at the waist. “Ewww. You smell gross, Mummy.”
“Let’s get some bland food in you, if you’re okay to eat?” Niki says. His eyes pinch, but he can’t hide the worry that’s etched across his face.
I nod.
“And then we’ll get you showered,” he adds.
And even though my body is broken, something about him doting on my girl and taking care of me sends a shot of arousal to my belly. “I like the sound of that,” I whisper and attempt a wink.
“I’m not taking advantage of a sick woman. I shall be very respectful when I wash you,” he replies quietly. “And if I enjoy the view of your…” He looks at my breasts covered by my Niki T-shirt and back to my eyes, “…then so be it. But no touching.”
I laugh, although it makes my raw throat sore.
“Tabi, get the biscuits we bought yesterday and bring them to Mummy’s room. I’m going to help her back.”
Tabi nods like he’s given her an imperative mission. “And water?”
“Yes. You’re so clever,” Niki adds.
“Where’s Sasha?” I mumble as he helps me to my room.
“She’s ill. She called me on Tuesday morning, and I came over with Graham. She’s with her parents. It didn’t hit her as hard as it did you. Tabi recovered quickly. I expect I’ve worked you too hard and messed up your immune system. Worst boss ever.”
I freeze and nearly topple Niki, who stumbles in the process.
“You’ve been looking after me? But your anxiety,” I stutter.
“I made it work. Sasha’s auntie told me you weren’t contagious, although I’ve been speaking with my private doctor three times a day and checking my temperature on the hour.
Today’s the first day I’ve not worn gloves,” he says.
“I’ll always show up for you in the way I can if you’ll still have me. I love you.”
“I love you, too.” My tears fall again, not just from his words, but because he cared for me. “I never want to be apart from you again. I’m sorry for reacting like I did on Sunday.”
“I was a dick to you. I can’t believe what I said. I thought I’d lost you forever. I’m so sorry. You and Tabi are it for me. But before you agree to a future with me, you need to know I probably won’t ever be one hundred per cent okay with my anxiety,” he says apologetically.
I squeeze his hand. “You’ll always be two hundred per cent perfect to me.”
He rolls his eyes, but he’s beaming. “Let’s hope they teach Tabi maths when she gets to school and don’t leave it to you.
And hopefully she’s not got your cheesy genes.
That statement was ridiculous.” I elbow him.
“Let’s get you back to bed. Otherwise I’ll declare my love like I’m in one of Tabi’s fairytales. ”
“You’re too cute. And if you want to drive again, I’m fully behind you because you’re amazing at it. I want you to chase your dreams.” He stares at me as I babble. “Oh no. Shit.”
He freezes. “What is it? Are you okay?”
I swear I hear his heart thudding in his chest. “You’re meant to be in Hungary, not here. You can’t be here. Where’s your passport? You need to sort out your jet, and I’ll pack you a bag.” I fluster and try to step away from him.
Niki takes the opportunity to pick me up in his arms. He tucks his hand under my legs, and on instinct, I wrap my arm around his neck.
“Rosie, stop trying to look after me. I’m flying out tomorrow night, and if you’re well enough, you’re coming with me because I want you at this race more than anything.
Sasha’s agreed to join us and babysit Tabi in Budapest while the race is on because it might be overwhelming.
” He carries me to my bed and tucks me under the duvet.
“How did you get her to agree to that?”
“I invited her to the mid-season after-party. My parents will sit with Tabi at the hotel while Sasha tries it on with all the drivers.”
“But you should be in Hungary right now,” I implore him. “You should be at practice.”
“I’ll be there for third practice and qualifying. You needed me. Senna wanted me to come here nearly as much as I wanted to be here.”
“But your reputation. Filip won’t believe you’re committed. It’s not driving for him, but reputation matters.”
He smiles at my panic. I give him a half-hearted shove.
“Your hands are dry. You were so sick. I was really worried about you.” He takes my hands in his and massages cream into my skin.
“Niki,” I shout when he still doesn’t respond to my worries.
“Don’t you want to know why I’m desperate for you to attend the race on Sunday?”
“Yes, but I need you to go to Hungary right now.”
“If you weren’t so gross, I’d kiss that beautiful mouth of yours.”
“You’re infuriating.”
He laughs as Tabi runs in with a biscuit tin and water bottle. “I tried to bring paper straws, but I dropped them. Graham’s got them.”
Graham waddles in with sopping paper straws hanging from his jowls.
“Thank you, Graham.” Niki blanches as Graham drops them unceremoniously on the carpet.
“Why is Mummy grumpy?” Tabi asks.
I squeeze on sanitiser as Niki lifts Tabi, pulls her onto the bed with us, and grabs Graham, too.
“Your bed isn’t big enough for all of us. You and Tabi need to move in with me.”
I nibble on a biscuit to hide my smile. I want that.
“Your mummy is grumpy because she’s worried about me. But I want her to ask why Sunday’s race is important. Do you want to tell her, or shall I?”
“Me, me, me!”
These two are thick as thieves, and as much as it annoys me that there’s something I don’t know, my heart glows at their troublesome twosome dynamic.
“Go on then,” Niki says, nudging her.
Tabi grabs my face between her squidgy hands. She smells of soap and Niki’s aftershave. It’s the scent of my family.
“Sunday is Niki’s last ever race in Formula One, so we have to go. He says it’s big news.”
I gasp and stare at his grin as Tabi holds my face. “But Vessa,” I say between squished lips. “What about your future?”
“My future is on this bed—well, ideally on a bigger bed—but everything I want is right here.”
Graham huffs and falls asleep.
“But you can’t give up your future for me. I love you so damn much,” I say.
“Mummy, damn is a rudey word.”
Niki chuckles. His eyes are sparkling, and it’s like he’s a big glitterball version of himself.
“True. Sorry, Tabi. I meant to say, I really love Niki.”
“S’okay. I love him, too, and he loves us.”
“I really do.” He tickles Tabi until she’s screaming with delight. Graham opens his eyes and grumbles.
“Can we get back to the point?” I raise my voice. “Niki, you can’t give up the things you love for me. I’d never want that for you. You love driving. It’s what you’ve spent these last months chasing.”
“I was chasing the wrong things. You’re right.
I love driving, but I want new challenges.
Formula One was my dream, but now I have different dreams. I’m helping Senna find new drivers to train and develop.
She’s starting an academy for young drivers, drivers who’d benefit from someone with a master’s in sports psychology who can work with them on their mental health. ”
I hold my hand to mouth. “A place for me?”
He beams. “Once you’ve finished your master’s, you can work in the academy and change lives like you’ve changed mine and others.”
“It’s the future I wanted.” Tears slip down my cheeks. “But you won’t be racing anymore, and you love racing.”
“There are other races I can drive in, ones that don’t involve constantly travelling away from you. I want this future and to help you reach your dreams—if you’ll have me.”
I can’t stop sobbing. “You’re more than I could’ve dreamed. Thank you for being all I want and more.” I hold his hand and fix his stare as Tabi dives between us.
“You need a shower, Mummy.”
“Are you sure you want us, though?” I say, snivelling.
“Always and forever.”