1. Howdy… I’m in—on my terms.
Ron
“Fuck, are you ever gonna take that cowboy hat off? You look ridiculous.”
Grant Ashford lets out one of his trademark grunts. Yeah… well, I’m used to it. I love him for it, too, but sometimes even breathing looks like a superhuman effort for him.
"Why? I love it." Levi, on the other hand, is one of my favorite people. I’m so glad he’s my new neighbor. He’s the only one who actually manages to keep up with my brand of crazy.
"That’s not what we were talking about!" I snap.
Grant lets out another glorious grunt that shakes his shoulders. God… aren’t people in love supposed to be more… cheerful?
Levi crosses his arms, his firefighter uniform pulls taut across his chest. He furrows his brow, laser-focused on me. He actually listens.
"I was telling you guys that I had the most mind-blowing night of my life. Seriously, she's my dream woman. Except... she hasn't called me back yet. Is that normal?"
Grant grunts again.
Ah. I get it. He’s probably reliving his own personal nightmare: his one-night stand with Rae when she didn’t call him back. But... he's got his happily-ever-after now. He shouldn’t still be so pissed about it.
Must be a writer thing... I always figured as much.
“She didn’t give you her number?” Levi adjusts the black sweatband holding back his unruly hair.
We’ve made it to town hall. I have a meeting. Grant has to go see his goddaughter at Pumpkin Spice Café, and Levi is on shift at the firehouse.
“No…” I admit, a lump rising in my throat.
“And you didn’t ask for it?”
“I didn’t want to come on too strong…”
Levi furrows his brow, shaking his head. “Dude… you were literally inside her, but asking for her number felt like too much?”
Fuck.
Did I mess up? The question rattles around in my head. Is there any way I can find her? I’m pretty sure it goes against every rule of professional etiquette to email her work address asking, “Hey, why haven’t you texted me yet?”
Levi softens his gaze. “Alright, come on… it’s only been two weeks… she’s probably just been busy.”
Yeah… right. Even I know he’s being way too optimistic just to avoid telling me I’m a lost cause. Then again, he’s still pining for his summer fling…
I offer a half-smile, not really in the mood to complain. I reach down to pet my Labrador, pulling him back from Grant. Yeah… even my dog has a soft spot for my grumpy friend. I have no idea why, but he does.
The crease between Grant’s eyebrows deepens. Nope. I don’t need him silently worrying about me… like he always does.
I give them a wave and step inside the town hall.
I tug a little tighter on Ollie’s harness, keeping him at a heel down the hallway.
Elm Hollow town hall is proudly pet-friendly, but the town mascot, Pedro—the mayor’s talking myna bird—has a terrible habit of perching on the backs of chairs. I absolutely do not want my Labrador getting overwhelmed by a surge of friendliness and turning the bird into a mid-morning snack.
Shouting filters through the solid wood of the main office double doors.
“Are you serious? You can’t do this to me!” Aunt Tina’s shrill voice (and yes, she actually uses her stage name in an official capacity) vibrates with pure desperation.
“We don’t know how it’s going to play out yet, which is exactly why we called him in,” Francis tries to mediate in his usual know-it-all tone.
“How do you think this is going to play out? He’s probably one of those grumpy ranchers who won’t have the slightest intention of saying yes to a reality show!” Tina’s voice rises an octave, grating on the ears.
“Well… he doesn’t seem that grumpy to me,” Francis replies. “He participated in the snowman-building contest last year…”
“Zip it, Francis! I’ve been working on this haunted house reality show for years! Wasn’t this supposed to be historical town property? How the hell did he even buy it?”
I hear Nino’s resigned sigh. "It wasn't. He bought it off old Mrs. Miller, who had no idea what to do with the place."
I smile, pausing with my hand on the doorknob. It’s true—I bought a historic ranch that nobody else wanted. I got it for a steal. Apparently, around here, people are too superstitious to invest in an estate with a haunted reputation. But for me?
The fact that it comes with ghost stories is a huge bonus. It feels cinematic. It’s so damn cool! Just like the reality show idea the town council has been working on forever…
I take a breath and push the doors wide open.
“Howdy,” I say with an amused grin, strolling into the office.
The silence that falls over the room is immediate. The argument is abruptly cut off, broken only by Pedro’s frantic wing-flapping as he gets worked up, perched on the back of Nino’s chair. And by his piercing squawk: “HOWDY, HOWDY!”
Everyone turns, staring at me like I’m a supernatural presence.
I could swear Tina’s dyed-blonde hair—a voluminous, gravity-defying mass—somehow gets even more voluminous, like she’s been electrocuted. I wink at her, tipping the brim of my Stetson; yeah, I might be leaning into this cowboy thing a little too hard.
Nino jumps up. His formal suit strains over his belly as he leans both hands heavily on the desk, his eyes wide and glassy behind his glasses. “Ron! Were you… were you listening?”
“Only the best parts,” I reply, reaching down to pet Ollie as he curiously sniffs the rug. “Don’t stress about problems that don’t exist! I love the idea of you guys shooting a haunted reality show at my ranch. It’s a genius idea. But… on one condition.”
Aunt Tina goes from pale with embarrassment to feverishly excited in the blink of an eye.
She shoots to her feet, her hands fluttering happily in the air, rustling the flashy fuchsia-print blouse stretching across her shoulders.
Francis, for his part, his jaw drops. He pulls down the hem of his gray vest and starts frantically scribbling in his notebook.
“A condition?” Nino repeats, stepping forward. His forehead is already beaded with sweat. “Anything, just as long as the location is available!”
“I,” I say clearly, savoring the moment and the room’s expectant silence, “am going to be part of the cast.”
Aunt Tina lets out a high-pitched squeal.
“The stars have aligned!” she shrieks, the heavy rings on her fingers clinking as she rummages frantically through her purse. “I need to draft an agenda to present at the town meeting tonight!”
Nino dabs his temples with a handkerchief, his ruddy face lighting up with childish excitement.
“I’m calling the tourism office right now! I want mascots out on the streets by noon. Suit up the Cursed Scarecrow and the Pumpkin Ghost, give them buckets of flyers! The whole county needs to know we’re casting for the show!”
Amidst this whirlwind of logistical chaos, Francis nearly knocks his glasses off his nose trying to push his way to the front. His long legs seem to tangle beneath him.
“Mr. Ron, please!” the reporter exclaims, planting himself in front of me, his eyes gleaming with small-town, Pulitzer-level ambition. “Give me an interview! Front page of the Elm Hollow Gazette. I need a quote. What drives the town’s mysterious new cowboy to lock himself in a haunted house?”
I just stand there in the middle of the room, thumbs hooked in my belt loops, with Ollie happily wagging his tail against my boots.
I grin, watching the three of them lose their minds with excitement. Yeah. This crazy little town is exactly the kind of stage I’ve been dreaming of. And I can’t wait to find out who’s going to be insane enough to get locked up with me at that ranch.
ELM HOLLOW GAZETTE
Local News, Mild Scandals, and Absolutely Essential Truths
by Francis Grande
(Reporter, Official Pie Contest Judge, Honorary President of the Chit-Chat & Chardonnay Club)
?? FRONT PAGE: EXTRA! EXTRA! HAUNTED SPURS IS HAPPENING (AND WE HAVE OUR STAR!)
Stop baking your pumpkin pies and put down that cider! Minutes ago, right inside Mayor Nino’s office, Elm Hollow TV history was made. The reality show at the infamous Miller estate finally has an official name: Haunted Spurs.
We all thought the new guy, Ron Willers, just bought a haunted ruin because of some eccentric obsession with haunted real estate.
Instead, our cowboy with the killer smile (and let me tell you, up close in that Stetson, the man literally steals your breath away) just agreed to turn his ranch into a reality TV set, but under one crazy condition: HE is going to be in the cast!
With a pen still trembling with excitement, yours truly (Francis) managed to score the interview of the century while the town hall was still losing its collective mind:
Francis: “Ron, please! Give me an interview! What drives the town’s mysterious new cowboy to lock himself inside a haunted house for the cameras?”
Ron: (Thumbs hooked in his belt loops, eyes gleaming) “I love all of this. It’s electric. I’ve actually been thinking about a personal project… I’d love to film a documentary during the experience.”
[Read the full interview in tomorrow’s special edition]
Gazette Verdict: The evil spirits are going to have to get in line, because we're predicting a horde of broken hearts ready to get haunted. If the paranormal doesn't scare you... just wait until you see the breadth of this cowboy's shoulders on primetime.
?? PANIC CORNER: INVASION OF THE FALL MASCOTS
If you’re on Main Street right now, you’re not hallucinating. It’s just Aunt Tina and Mrs. Lacey officially going into full showbiz-director mode.
The Cursed Scarecrow and the Pumpkin Ghost—our beloved mascots—are literally stopping traffic to hand out flyers.
Aunt Tina was spotted screaming at passersby: “I want dark souls! I want drama! I want your darkest desires on screen!”
?? THE BIGGEST NEWS: CASTING IS OFFICIALLY OPEN (AND IT'S SPICY)
The application forms are ready. But fair warning: the producers of Haunted Spurs aren't looking for wholesome Sunday explorers or boring prudes.
They want excess. They want unfiltered contestants—people who aren't the least bit afraid to air their eccentricities and deepest, dirtiest desires for the whole world to see.
Are you willing to put yourself out there with zero inhibitions? Are you ready to send the erotic tension skyrocketing just for the ratings? Then this is your show. Aunt Tina is on the hunt for brazen, provocative souls ready to clash (or tangle) after dark.
Who has the nerve to sign that contract? The gauntlet has been thrown down.
Citizens, toss your modesty out the window and get your crucifixes ready. Or, if necessary, your handcuffs.
(P.S. The official production clause states that you must strictly apply in pairs, and at least one participant must be a cowboy or cowgirl.
Note: The pairs don't necessarily have to be romantic.
We want to see you "get acquainted" with the other contestants during the show or, why not, with your own adventuring partner. Choose your partner in crime wisely!)
#HauntedSpurs #SpicyCasting #GhostCowboy #SpiritsAndSin
?? ELM HOLLOW SOCIAL FEED
Trending now: #HauntedSpursIsHappening #RonInTheCast #FlannelAndPhantoms
?? @AuntTinaTok (Live reaction video from Town Hall - brEAKING NEWS - 4.5M views)
[In the video: Tina is sprinting out of the town hall. Her platinum blonde bouffant bounces with every step, her glasses knocked half-crooked from the hustle. Behind her, the Cursed Scarecrow trips, launching flyers into the air.]
"GIRLS! BOYS! SPIRITS OF PURGATORY! Drop whatever you're doing! HAUNTED SPURS IS HAPPENING! And the grand prize isn't just surviving the paranormal... IT'S SURVIVING HIM! ??
Ron Willers demanded to be in the cast! He just said it right in front of me!
CASTING IS OPEN, FLOOD MY INBOX! ????"
?? Comments:
@MrsLaceyDramaQueen: So proud to be the art director! My community theater workshop is already pulling together the sets.
@MayorNinoOfficial: @MrsLaceyDramaQueen @AuntTinaTok that's what I like to see!
@Levi_FireDept: Let's hope the house doesn't catch fire from the spontaneous combustion caused by all this gossip. Anyway, for emergencies, the firehouse is on standby. ?? And Ron, try not to get possessed before filming starts.
@RonWillers_: @Levi_FireDept Jealous of my hat, huh neighbor? ??
?? INSTAGRAM STORIES – @ElmHollowGossipGirl
Story 1: A sneaky snap of a crumpled flyer, featuring kickass 80s horror movie graphics and neon lettering: "HAUNTED SPURS: ENTER IF YOU DARE."
Text: "Casting is officially open. The only thing truly terrifying us right now is the possibility of not making the cut. ???? #HauntedSpurs"
Story 2: A shot of Ron Willers from behind as he walks out of the town hall. His broad shoulders fill out his shirt, his Stetson is pulled perfectly low on the nape of his neck, and he's holding a happily wagging Ollie on a leash, bathed in the autumn sunlight.
Text: "Legend says the old Miller estate bleeds. So far, the only thing bleeding is our hearts. Who needs ghostbusters when we have him? ???? #GiveUsThisDayOurDailyCowboy #HauntedBarn"