9. Scary Movie #3
Josh's booming voice cuts through the video: "It's going to be one hell of a match."
[CONFESSIONAL]
They sit close together, exchanging the kind of looks opponents give each other right before the starting whistle.
Lizzie clicks her tongue. "We love challenging each other with new things."
Josh smirks. "And neither of us has any intention of losing."
CADE he's looking at her. With an expression of pure, utterly captivated adoration.
ELM HOLLOW GAZETTE
Local News, Mild Scandals, and Absolutely Essential Truths
by Francis Grande
(Reporter, Professional Popcorn Eater, Haunted Spurs Analyst)
?? FRONT PAGE: MOVE OVER, HOLLYWOOD, ELM HOLLOW IS THE CENTER OF THE UNIVERSE!
Has anyone told the big LA production studios they might as well close up shop? Because, ladies and gentlemen, the real parade of stars is right here, tucked between our small-town gossip and stratospheric events!
The cast of Haunted Spurs has been revealed, and our crazy little town has proven once again that it knows how to reel in the big fish.
Among the reality show contestants, we have not one, but two undisputed NHL stars: Captain Josh Roy and Left Winger Sam Sanders, ready to trade the ice for ghosts.
But wait, there's more! Straight from European blue blood, we have the irreverent ex-princess Carolina (who has clearly ditched royal etiquette...
and we couldn't be happier about it!), and the award-winning queen of gothic smut, our very own Selene Dusk.
Elm Hollow breeds champions, hosts rebellious royals, and nurtures literature's most brilliant minds.
Gazette Verdict: The national audience is about to lose its mind, and we are officially the coolest town on the map.
?? NSFW WARNING: DID DUSTIN AND SIERRA SEND THE WRONG FILE?
The question naturally arises in the dirtiest of minds: did they hit "Send" on the wrong file from their camera roll? Or did their adrenaline-fueled quest to conceive their firstborn include turning on half the country on primetime TV?
Gazette Verdict: Best wishes to the newlyweds. And congratulations... you fully understand what the producers and viewers want to see!
?? THE GOSSIP CORNER: THE TARGET HAS BEEN ACQUIRED
If you thought the reality show dynamics were going to stay locked inside the haunted house, you were dead wrong.
The first sparks already flew during the confessionals.
We all noticed Princess Carolina's brazen t-shirt (Cowboy Pillow, a marketing masterpiece).
Well, a few seconds later, the charming (and cocky) twin Cole, showing off his hay-chiseled abs, stated in no uncertain terms: "We're here for the cowboy pillows."
You don't need a math genius to connect the dots. Cupid's arrow (or in this case, a thirsty cowboy's arrow) has been shot straight toward the royal balcony.
Gazette Verdict: We're expecting a fiery season. We can't wait to see how things unfold between these two!
?? ELM HOLLOW SOCIAL FEED
Trending now: #HauntedSpurs #DustinAndSierraPorn #CowboyPillow #KickSusanOff
?? THE EMERSON & SUSAN DRAMA:
@MarthaHiggings: Can someone please explain WHY Emerson and Susan are in the cast? The astrophysicist and the sexy nurse? Weren't there supposed to be cowboys?!
Replies:
@Maria: @MarthaHiggings Looks like production "ran out of volunteers" and scraped the bottom of the barrel. Or Aunt Tina lost a bingo bet.
@JoyceOfficial: I feel so bad for that poor guy. He looks like he won't survive the ghost or the blonde in the shredded costume.
@MayorNinoOfficial: Trust the casting process. Haven't we always delighted you with our reality shows?
?? THE COLE & CAROLINA FEVER:
@ElmHollowGossipGirl: Cole indirectly responding to Carolina's t-shirt is the most fucking alpha thing I've ever seen. ???? #InstantShip
@Indya_Red: @ElmHollowGossipGirl I can confirm there was screaming in our living room. And someone (not naming names, but she has a crown in her drawer) suddenly got very, very hot. ????
@Princess_Carol: @Indya_Red INDYA! I'm going to strangle you!
@Cole_Ranch: @Princess_Carol If you're hot, Princess, I know how to cool you down. See you in the house. ????
?? THE VIRAL COMMENT ON THE "MYSTERY":
@Lidia_Writer: Excuse me, but putting everyone's raging hormones aside... Can we talk about Selene Dusk and Ron Willers? He looks like a guy who knows exactly how to make you confess all your sins. And she looked literally trapped in his web.
@Jessica_Agent: @Lidia_Writer SSSSH. (But yes, that video just spiked her book pre-orders by 400%). ?