Chapter 14
LILIANA
“He’s following me.” I blurt the words out as soon as I slide into the seat across from Alice. “I know he is.”
“Um…” Alice sips on her Shirley Temple, eyeing me with her big, puppy dog baby blues. “I think that’s a big assumption right there—for whoever he is.”
“The detective.” I shudder as I think back to the weird energy I got from the black SUV that was facing the gallery… And then they all followed me all the way to the bar. “I think they think I did it.” I don’t know why that brings me to a near panic. But it does.
And I want the feeling to stop.
“Well, that’s silly,” she laughs, giving the bartender a big wave. “I can’t imagine anyone pinning you as the type to murder someone.”
“Right…” My voice trails off as I drum my fingers on the sticky and gross. “But there is my past.”
Alice nearly spits her drink out. “I thought that was on the list of things we do not speak of.” The look on her face tells me she took that college oath seriously, but honestly…
I need to talk to someone about it.
Someone who’s not a detective or my mother.
“But it’s impossible to ignore,” I point out, my voice growing hushed as the bartender appears. He takes my order for a Jack and Coke and then disappears back to the bar. “Look,” I lean in, meeting my best friend’s eyes. “I think there’s something wrong with me.”
She shifts uncomfortably in her seat. “I mean, isn’t there something wrong with every single one of us? It’s not our job to hold ourselves accountable for the sins of our parents…even the serial killer kinds.”
“He wasn’t deemed a serial killer,” I say flatly, the words feeling like poison on my tongue as they come across defensive. “He was never charged for the other girls. That’s just media bullshit.”
Alice takes a deep breath. “I get that, but… still. What does that have to do with the detective following you? It’s not like you’re capable of murder at the gallery. I know you, Lil. I know you wouldn’t do something like that. You’re way too sweet.”
“Marissa was sleeping with him.”
Alice nearly chokes on her drink. “What? Your snobby little intern was fucking the creepy lawyer that was bludgeoned to death in your gallery.” She pauses, shaking her head. “Good God. I knew Parker was sniffing up the wrong tree.”
“Wait…what?” I furrow my brow at her. “What do you mean? I thought you didn’t talk to your fuck buddies about anything serious?”
“I don’t,” she says, her expression contorting into offense. “I would never talk about anything personal to the men I fuck, but…”
My stomach knots up. “But what?”
“He’s pushy,” Alice sighs, and then drains the rest of her drink. “He’s really pushy, and ugh, he is so good at oral.”
Okay, now I’m annoyed.
“What did you tell him?”
“I didn’t tell him anything about you,” she snorts, shaking her head.
“There’s nothing to be told. You’re literally the epitome of boredom.
You only go out with me, you buy all your weird art mediums mostly legal, and there’s never a man you do more than just causally smile at.
I can’t remember the last time you went out on a date. ”
I swallow, my face starting to heat up. “Well, when you put it that way, I sound totally lame.”
“And completely incapable of committing murder. I think Shaw is just trying to make something out of nothing because they have nothing. Maybe you should tell them about Marissa? You don’t even like her.”
“Yeah, but I don’t want to frame her.”
“You don’t think she could’ve done it?”
“No,” I say the words flatly, but then chew the inside of my cheek. “Actually,” I pause as the bartender sets my drink down. “She might have the motive. I just don’t think she’s got the brute strength to get it done.”
“Hmm,” Alice purses her dark purple lips together. Her tight black dress tells me she was planning to get laid tonight, and I must’ve messed that up for her. “I think anyone can do anything when they really want to—or lose control.”
“I don’t know what that would feel like.”
Alice’s eyes narrow. “Doing something that you really want? Or losing control?”
I roll my lips, glancing down at my stained white T-shirt. “Both.”
Alice is quiet for a minute or two, and during that time, I scan the crowd around us.
I haven’t paid much attention, since it’s pretty much just the usual hipster crowd.
However, there’s some part of me that expects to see Detective Shaw sitting in one of the shadowy corner booths, watching my every move.
Expecting me to turn into a fucking murderer or something.
If he only knew what was going through my head.
“You’re not telling me something,” Alice’s voice cuts into my thoughts, her tone almost a whisper.
I snap my head back to her, seeing the concern on her face. “It’s… complicated.” I don’t want to lie to her. I want to tell her about the things running through my brain, but also… It would seem suspicious.
She gives me a soft smile and then reaches for my hand, squeezing it.
“Listen, even if you somehow magically gained superhero strength and murdered Victor Blueson in one incredibly impressive swing of a paperweight, I would still love you, Lil. Nothing can change the fact that you're my best friend. I’d come visit you in prison.”
“Thanks,” I laugh, though I don’t feel a bit of humor.
“So, tell me what’s going on with you. Please.”
I take a deep breath and exhale for a solid five seconds. “I’ve been having…fantasies. And they all involve…Weird things.” She studies me for a second, and I brace for her reaction. “It’s really—”
“You need to get laid.” Alice’s smile explodes on her face in a way that makes me feel ridiculous for everything. “And you need to explore those fantasies in a nice, safe way.”
“Right. You don’t even know what they are.”
“I bet it’s a blood kink,” Alice says, giggling. “I’ve always known it, since you do the whole painting with blood thing. Oh… Maybe golden showers?”
I wince. “No.”
“Okay, so blood.”
Murder, but okay. Close. Maybe it is about the blood?
“I don’t know…”
“You need to explore these things,” Alice brightens, her eyes alight with excitement. “I told you, get the KinkMe app. There are all sorts of fetishes on there. It’s totally safe.”
“It’s totally not safe,” I argue, shaking my head, though my core seems to tighten with some kind of strange sensation that feels a lot like arousal. “I could get murdered.”
“Yeah, probably not going to happen. The risk is low.”
“Someone got murdered in my gallery—and my father is a murderer. It seems like it follows me around. It would only make sense for that to be how I exit this life.” And get off in my alone time.
“Come on,” she bursts into laughter that makes it clear she’s not taking me seriously. “Nothing is going to happen. Pick a fucking hotel room—a nice one—and then just wait for some hot fuckboy to come.”
I swallow hard and finally reach for my drink. “I don’t know…” I pick it up and take a sip, savoring the bitter tang to the soda. “I just think… Maybe I should go to therapy or something. That’s what my mom always—”
“Fucking is therapy,” Alice cuts me off.
“Try something different. You have a lot on your plate. Business is going better than ever, but you do have the whole crime thing hanging over your head. Besides, just imagine what Detective Shaw would think if he saw you jetting off to some five-star hotel with lingerie under a trench coat. He’d probably explode in his perfectly pressed pants. ”
“Gross,” I mutter, but her words do the opposite. My underwear soak right through at the idea of him watching me. A strange urge thrums through me, following it—the same kind of drive I felt the night I followed him, driven by curiosity.
What is it about him? Why do I find him so fucking enthralling?
“You don’t think he’s gross,” Alice reads my mind, which is probably written all over my face. “I saw the way you two watched each other. You need to just fuck and be done.”
“I can’t be with someone in law enforcement,” I scoff, shaking my head.
“Because your dad? Or because of whatever is going on up here?” She points to her temple and then gives me a flirty wink.
I realize quickly that Alice is drunk.
And that her advice is probably hit and miss.
Fuck.
“I gotta pee,” she tells me, reaching out and patting my hand. “I’ll be back. Don’t go anywhere.”
I nod. “Be safe.”
“Always,” she snorts, sliding off her chair and jerking her dress down to fully cover her ass. I watch as she walks away, and then reach into my purse, fishing my phone out.
I navigate to the app store and quickly type KinkMe in the search bar. It appears as a strange, black icon, and I hesitate as my finger hovers over the download button.
Will this fix me? I push some of my hair behind my ear, the fantasy of blood spurting from Shaw instantly filling my vision.
My pussy aches immediately, my heart skipping a beat in my chest. Fuck.
Maybe it’s worth a try. If I have a clear mind, then I’ll be able to navigate the mess with Marissa way better.
Before I can change my mind, I press the button.
And let the download begin.