Chapter 30
Lana
Christian left me in bed with a kiss on the corner of my lips at eight thirty this morning. I might have been half asleep but I didn’t let him walk away from me without a proper kiss.
Since he left, I’ve gone back to sleep for another hour and then woken up to make breakfast with what is left in the pantry and fridge.
I presume there isn’t much since he hasn’t been here most of the year, and now I wonder if he plans to keep the penthouse for whenever he comes back for work. Or when we come back.
Now it’s noon, and I’m back in his giant, California king bed.
I feel exhausted. Insults like his mothers stopped bothering me a long time ago. I’m used to them from bullies. And, sadly, microaggressions are just another thing I have to deal with.
But I’m proud of myself, and especially proud of my mother.
I don’t think I’m half as brave as she was to come to a new country with little knowledge of the language to start a new life with her daughter after her husband left us for a different family.
I can’t even begin to imagine how hard she had to work, the things she had to do.
She taught herself English while I learned English in school, and after school, I’d go with her to work. Some days, I’d go to the houses to clean with her, and I was always happy about it.
It was my mother who taught me what it meant to work for something you wanted because life won’t hand you a single fucking thing. It was my mother who taught me the value of everything—money, education, love.
Exhausted of my own mind, I force myself from the bed, keeping my eyes focused out the floor to ceiling windows with the view of Manhattan. On my feet, I stretch and squint at the sunlight.
I wonder if Christian is still in his office, trying to get rid of his cruel mother. Trudging toward the bathroom, I wonder how he looks in his office. He’s already so sexy in a suit, I can’t begin to imagine him in a suit behind a desk with a serious look in his eyes while he’s bossing me around.
My body flushes immediately as I turn on the water to fill the tub.
It’s been a long night and an even longer, quieter morning alone.
I undress and slip into the hot bubble bath I’ve prepared for myself, the sunlight from the dramatic windows filling the extravagant space.
It feels too fancy for me when I think about living here with him. It’s too much, albeit it is beautiful.
Maybe I’m just not used to luxury like this.
I’ve only ever gotten myself what I need.
And what I need is a simple home with my love living in it with me.
I don’t care where or what—so if this is where we settle then it’s fine because at the end of our day, he’s holding me in our bed as we drift asleep.
Though, luxury is quite nice to indulge in once in a while—so I am taking full advantage of this large bath tub. The view from these windows isn’t half bad either.
I try to let my body sink into relaxation beneath the hot water. It doesn’t work. Instead, I slip underneath, holding my breath and allowing myself to drown in the silence for a moment, but it’s still there.
My mind keeps going back and I see Caroline at our old apartment door, decked out in gold jewelry and pearls and holding her handbag in the crook of her elbow as she looks at it with disdain.
She looked over my shoulder into the apartment her son was living in with me, and the look turned into disgusted. She was utterly revolted and it showed.
I would never say it to her face, but she’s forgotten where she came from too.
Caroline pulled an envelope out of her bag, pinching it between two fingers as though she was scared she’d contract something from me and said, “Stay away from my son.”
I took the envelope and blinked at the woman. I’d been crying everyday for nearly two months straight and suddenly she was at my doorstep, handing me an envelope with the most money I’d ever seen, and telling me to stay away from her son. The son that left me because of her.
This was the woman who let the drunk father of her son beat him. The same son I’ve loved since I was nineteen and helped every time he came home to me bruised because she did nothing about it. She loved her money, and she still does. Some things never change.
An arm wraps around my body and pulls me out. I gasp for air and push my hair back, wiping water from my eyes. I see him sitting on a small stool outside the tub with a frown. I gasp, “Christian.”
“What were you doing? You scared the shit out of me.” His coffee eyes are a more tumultuous shade with the deep line of concern between his brow.
“I… I just wanted silence…”
Christian holds his breath for a moment, his shoulders tense and chest wide. I place my wet hand on his forearm, sweeping my thumb back and forth several times before he finally exhales that breath, releasing himself from the malevolent turmoil in his mind.
“You scared me,” he barely whispers.
“Hey,” I breathe. “Hey, baby.” The water sloshes around me as I sit up and kiss his forearm and his hand. “Hey, talk to me.”
“There isn’t a lot to say,” he rasps.
I kiss his bicep. His inner elbow. His palm.
“Come in with me,” I say.
He hesitates before his arms reach behind his head and his thumbs hook his shirt to pull it over. I fold my knees to my chest and hug them as he stands and removes his jeans. I scoot forward once he is naked, and he lowers himself in behind me, his thick, long legs cocooning me.
“How was it?” I ask quietly as he pulls me back against him.
Christian buries his face into my neck, peppering kisses down its curve and across my shoulder. One strong arm wraps entirely around my waist and he rests his forehead on my head. I sink into him, allowing both of us this quiet moment to be without anyone or anything else—just this.
My eyes close and my entire life narrows down to this—us.
“How come you didn’t tell me about the check?” he asks suddenly, his voice quiet and soft. Pained, almost.
“I was scared,” I whisper. “I didn’t know…
When you first came back, I was scared that once she figured out you were with me again, she’d raise hell and I’d lose everything.
I was a coward, Christian. I accepted the money and paid for my schooling.
I bought my house, my car, and I built my business.
I never thought you’d come back to me—I had hope, but I couldn’t trust that hope.
So I made my life. As much as I hate her, I wouldn’t have anything without that money. ”
“Didn’t mean she could treat you the way she did.”
“I know. But…a part of me is grateful for her giving me that check. I was so hurt, I accepted the money and gave myself everything I’d always wanted. It was a way to help me get over you. Obviously, nothing ever worked but…”
“I bought her out.”
“You did?”
I feel Christian nod and he presses a kiss to my shoulder. “I bought out her shares and gave her an extra two million to pay her back.”
“Christian,” I breathe, craning my neck to look at him over my shoulder.
“I want her gone, Lana,” Christian croaks. “I don’t want to see her or be around her. I don’t want to have to work and have her there. I’m done with it. I can’t do it. It isn’t healthy, it isn’t good for me—”
“I know, baby,” I whisper, my hand reaching up to palm his cheek. “I know.”
“What she said to you isn’t right, Lana,” Christian says, his jaw tense and brows pinched.
“I know,” I breathe. “But that’s been my life, you know. There are people who look at me and immediately don’t like me. It happens, it’s reality. There are certain privileges I’ll never know, Christian, and… I’ve accepted it.”
“No,” he says. “Don’t accept it. I— It just—”
“I know.” I put my hand over his around my ribs. “It makes me angry too, baby. But let’s try to fix the system another day. Just be with me right now.” I sit up and turn around, the water sloshing around us as I move to straddle his thighs. “Be with me.”
His hands wrap around my hips, his fingers burrowing deep enough to bruise their prints in my skin as reminders. Christian nods and kisses the corner of my lips.
“I love you,” he says. “There isn’t anything I wouldn’t do for you.”
“I know.”
I lower my lips to his, letting them skim across until I press softly. That is all it is at first until it turns into something deeper. My tongue doesn’t need to part his lips because the moment mine part, his do too—perfectly in tune.
Soon, I feel him hard against me with each grind of my hips and then he’s lifting us out of the tub. Giggling, he dries me off, and I giggle as I do the same to him. Then my limbs are around his body as he carries me to the ginormous bed.
“I missed you,” Christian breathes, lowering us onto bed.
I smile and my legs wrap around his waist. “You’re too attached.”
Christian nips at my collarbone, leaving a trail of wet kisses. “I love you,” he says. “I can’t go that long without holding you or touching you.”
His stubble tickles my neck and I chortle. “You’re so needy.”
“I need you,” Christian moans, rocking his hips into mine. “I’m going to make love to you, Lana,” he breathes, scattering kisses across my chest.
“Please,” I whimper, undulating my hips in search of relief.
“Then I’m going to hold you.” Christian kisses my pulse and lifts my leg high against his waist. He rocks his hips, his cock rubbing against my pussy and brushing over my clit, making me shudder. “And I’m going to kiss you.”
I reach to catch his lips with mine.
“And then we’ll go home,” he whispers against my lips, lining his cock with my entrance. “And we’ll be happy.” He pushes in slowly and I inhale sharply at his length. “And we’ll be okay.”
I nod, whimpering as he pushes to the hilt. “I love you.”
“I love you.”
It took me about a day and a half to feel recharged. Christian is and always has been a loving, patient man. Out of all the things I love about and admire him for, it’s his patience. I barely have any of that.
Today was filled with overwhelming sightseeing because we leave tomorrow. And even after convincing Christian to go on a Big Bus Tour, splurging in the M&M Store, eating at this all pink restaurant in SoHo, and walking nearly five miles today, I came back with too much energy left over to burn.
Christian’s hands are tight around my hips as I bounce on his lap while he lies back. I lean forward between his legs to hold myself up with my hands as we both come down from the high, and I sigh.
I fall beside him onto his giant bed and chuckle breathlessly, “I love New York.”
Christian laughs and reaches to kiss me. “Yeah?”
“But not as much as I love Willow Springs,” I say, throwing a leg over his hip. “That’s home.”
“It is,” he agrees. “Did you have fun today?”
I nod. “Yes. Now what?”
“We go home.”
“And you’ll be okay?”
“New York was never really my place,” Christian says.
“How will you work?”
“I’ll figure it out, baby. Come here.” Wrapped in his arms, I sigh—both content and safe. “I don’t want you to think about it.”
“Are you happy, Christian?”
“Right now?” he asks. “Yes.”
I put my palm to his trimmed, stubbled cheek. “And are you happy with…everything?”
“I’m happy as long as you’re with me,” Christian whispers. “As long as I can love you.”
I brush my lips over his.
“Are you happy, Lana?”
“I’m always happy with you,” I answer easily.
“My life has been a strange one. My dad left when I was young, my mother brought me with her to America with hopes for a better life, we had to learn English, and it was hard. I kept wondering why she’d do something like this to me—bring me somewhere with so much evil.
I grew up though, and I obviously learned that evil is everywhere, but I hated it for a while.
I hated my life for a long time, always wondering what if?
What if we hadn’t moved? What if my dad hadn’t left us? ”
My vision blurs at its corners, but my focus remains solely on him.
“But then I met you,” I croak. “And a lot of my what ifs went out the window because if any of those happened then I would not have been with you. I wouldn’t have been able to love you and known what it was like to be loved so profoundly—the way you love me.
No one has ever loved me the way you have, Christian Calloway. ”
Christian sniffs and leans into my touch, turning to place a fragile kiss on my palm. “No one has ever loved me the way you have, Lana Aurora Gomez.”
I chuckle. “You’re my shark.”
“Your shark?”
“It’s a thing. Trust me.”
Christian snorts. “Okay,” he says. “You’re my shark too.”
“I love you.”
“I know,” he breathes.