Chapter 20
TWENTY
ATLAS
Watching Max sleep was genuinely one of my favorite things to do.
I was aware of how much of a creep that made me. All those nights I stayed up late, watching him from the house across the lake, I couldn’t say whether I was more disgusted with myself or soothed by my need to see him tucked into bed, safe and sound.
Now, though, after being invited into that safety with him, I knew I’d never be able to give it up.
He took my breath away. Soft and sleep-warm, with his glasses slipping down his nose and a small pool of drool on the pillow below, I almost couldn’t breathe from the overwhelming desire for this to be our every day.
The heavy weight of what that meant pressed on my chest. If I wanted Max to be mine for real, I had to tell him everything.
But what if doing so made him hate me forever?
Gently, so as not to wake him, I lifted the glasses from his face and folded them on the nightstand. He made a sleepy sound and tucked farther under the covers, but otherwise didn’t stir.
My alpha was restless. Now that the initial waves were satiated, I needed to provide for Max.
Feed him, he huffed. He needs energy for our mating.
I extricated myself from him as quietly as I could and stood. It was wrong, wrong, wrong to leave my omega all alone in heat, but it wouldn’t be long, and there wasn’t a better time to get the supplies from my car.
I didn’t want him to see where I’d parked. It would create too many questions. Ones I wasn’t ready to answer.
That weight pressed on my chest further. Not yet. It was the most selfish thing I’d ever do, but I wanted just a few more days with him before we had to face reality.
Before I had to confess, and pray he’d forgive me and not walk away forever.
I left a note on the pillow in case Max woke up before I returned, letting him know I was just grabbing supplies and wouldn’t be long.
On the way out, I stopped and cleaned up the fluids—his and mine—from where we’d first come together. His demon cat watched in judgement from his usual perch on the windowsill. He’d apparently decided I wasn’t worth swiping those claws at, though.
Progress.
Shame soured my stomach that I’d taken Max for the first time—for his first time being knotted—up against a wall. We were two waves in, and I hadn’t even undressed yet. It’d all been frantic need and devastating, overwhelming desire.
Now, though, my head was clear enough to realize just how fucked I was.
My life was walled off for a reason—from everybody. Or, almost everybody. I may not have been able to hunt the way I wanted in the last two years, but I still had people to protect, and my identity remaining hidden was a critical part of that.
Max was never meant to know who I was.
The plan was simple. Explain my situation to him, spend a heat together, and when it culminated without a mating bite, everything would go back to normal. Max wouldn’t be dragged into the dangerous world of knowing me, and I wouldn’t have to tell him…
Well. Everything.
It should’ve worked. I needed my life back. My freedom back.
I’d thought my obsession was just because I needed to purge the boy from my system, that was all.
I resented that our bond wasn’t forged out of mutual desire or compatibility—at least not on his part—and told myself I’d be fine with spending a heat together, rejecting the bond, and going our separate ways.
No problemo.
Big problemo, my alpha growled.
Yeah. Big problemo. Because even in the throes of rut, I couldn’t stop thinking about his laugh and the way he smelled when his jealousy peeled away to reveal a desire so acute I could drink it.
Halfway to my car, my phone buzzed.
Are you with Max?
You have to tell him, or I will.
The weight sitting on me grew three more sizes. Keeping the mask on, literally and figuratively, was supposed to absolve me of this. He couldn’t expect full transparency if there was nothing real between us.
But there was. There was.
My phone buzzed again, a follow-up to the previous messages.
You both deserve happiness, Atlas.
Yes, Max certainly deserved happiness. He deserved everything he ever wanted.
I couldn’t say the same for myself.
“You’re back!”
A big breath of air whooshed out when I walked back into Max’s apartment, only to find an armful of half-naked omega flying right at me. I dropped the totes I carried and hugged him close.
“I woke up, and you weren’t here,” he went on, voice full of tears. His arms were wrapped tightly around my middle. “You left me alone.”
Omega is crying, my alpha whined. Fix it!
“Hey, shh,” I said, scooping him up. Sitting on the couch, I held him sideways in my lap. I hooked the mask over my nose—thankfully I had spares in the car, although I did leave the one covered in his slick in its own zip-lock bag for later—and kissed his tear-soaked cheeks.
“I’m sorry, sweetheart,” I said. “I didn’t want to; I just needed to grab your things. I won’t leave again, I promise. Not until—” I stumbled. I almost said not until this is over, but I couldn’t make the words come. “Not until you want me to,” I finished instead.
He chewed on the inside of his cheek and peered up at me through tear-soaked lashes. Wearing the hoodie I’d left behind a few days ago—and only my hoodie—he was entrancing.
My chest swelled. Fucking hell, how was he so good at that? I’d literally rend the world apart for him if he asked me to with those eyes.
“You brought me things?” he asked quietly.
My whole body puffed up. Show him, my alpha commanded. Show him how well we take care of him. How well we know him.
I knocked my forehead into his and dragged my cheek over his hair before inhaling the scent concentrated at the base of his neck.
He’d settled further into heat while I was gone, and it made my mouth water.
“Of course, I did. What kind of alpha would I be if I didn’t?
I got all your favorite snacks and the flavor of Gatorade you like. ”
He all but melted into my scenting but pulled back just enough to look at me. “I don’t remember telling you what my favorite things are.”
I paused for a beat too long. “I’ve been in your pantry, remember? Now, I wasn’t sure if you had enough blankets for a nest, so I also picked up a few of those just in case.”
He raised an eyebrow. “I know you’re deflecting, but show me these blankets.”
Honestly, I’d take the pass. “C’mon,” I said, patting him before boosting him to stand. “I got your favorite colors.”
Orange and blue, like a deep sunset contrasted against a stormy sky.
Sorting through the bags, his expression was a mix of awe and trepidation. I held my breath when he looked back at me. “These really are my favorites.”
Was it too much? Had I freaked him out? “I know I’m not who you’d choose for your first shared heat. If you want someone to pay for hurting you, I’m your man. But the rest…” I huffed, remembering Max’s words.
I wanted my first heat with a partner to be with an alpha I cared about. Someone who knew how to take care of me. I wanted it to mean something.
“I’ll take care of you,” I went on. “I’ll do everything I can to make it good for you. Just tell me what you need, and I’ll do it. I promise.”
Fire surged in his eyes. “I lied to you before,” he said, shifting closer, moving his hips like a siren luring me to my demise.
My mouth watered.
“I do want you. I think a part of me wanted you the first time I scented you in that alley. But you scared me.”
I gritted my teeth. “I would never hurt you.”
He nodded. “I believe you, Atlas.”
Close enough to kiss if the mask wasn’t between us, he stood on his tiptoes and ghosted his mouth over mine. “And the only thing that scares me now is how much I want you.”
I groaned, scenting the air. “Your next wave hasn’t come yet. We should wait. You need to eat.”
Coyly, he smiled and snatched the blue and orange blanket from the bag. “If you say so, alpha,” he said over his shoulder, batting his eyelashes at me.
That little minx knew exactly what he was doing.
He gasped when I lightly smacked his ass, crowding him toward the kitchen. “I do say so. You’ll need energy for what I have planned for you next.”
“Are you going to feed me, alpha? I’m just an omega in heat, incapable of doing it myself.”
I growled playfully and tickled his sides. “You will be, when I’m done with you.”
His shrieking laughter pulled me into the kitchen, dropping stones onto my chest.
Plink. You have to tell him.
Plink. You have to tell him.
Plink. You have to tell him.