Chapter 11
LIA
Isit up in bed, staring down at my Kindle, unsuccessfully focusing on the book.
I don’t know what I was expecting when I asked him how he knew how I like my coffee, but it wasn’t that.
He’s been watching me… obsessing over me, it sounds like.
Less than a day spent together in a medical setting was enough to make him lose his mind for me.
I clench my jaw, attempting to be angry. I’m aware that’s what I should feel. But the thought of being his secret, his private obsession, does something else to me entirely. And the way he kissed and touched me…
This sort of heat hasn’t touched me in years.
Or ever, if I’m being brutally honest. My body responded with heat and desire the moment he touched me.
I kissed him twice, initiating it because it was like there was this urgency inside of me.
The second I felt what it was like, I just wanted more, more, more.
Even now, I’m squeezing my legs together. My sex is still hot, excited with anticipation. I can’t believe how easy it felt, effortless, no nerves or hesitation as we collided.
I stand, pace the room, leaving my Kindle on the bed.
I’m not a slave to my desires. Just because my lips tingle and fresh wetness threatens, it doesn’t mean I should simply forget what he admitted. He violated me, didn’t he? That’s what I should be feeling.
A powerful man, watching me in the dark, breaking laws so that he can fix those dark, intense eyes on me and make me his secret desire.
Hell, that’s hot too. I can’t deny that.
I know it’s wrong. It’s flattering as well.
I’ve never considered myself special when it comes to my beauty, never thought I’d ever be the object of obsession—or infatuation, or whatever the hell’s going on here—for a man like Maksim.
A criminal, I remind myself.
“I should be mad,” I whisper under my breath, as though that can make it so.
I pick up my phone and fire off a text.
Lia: You owe me some answers. And since it’s clearly impossible for us to talk in person about this, I want them now.
I sit on the edge of the bed, my foot tapping restlessly. There’s so much to worry about. That poor young man, Daniel, missing because of some spy phone that unlocks the secrets of the politicians in this city. Work. Mom. These feelings flurrying inside of me. And now this.
Maksim: You’re right. I’d be a fool to answer anything over text, but maybe that’s what this situation has made me.
Lia: This SITUATION? You say that like it’s something that just happened. But you made it happen. You chose to watch me. I need to know why. I need to know how often. I need to know what you were thinking. How did you think that was okay?
Maksim: I was thinking you were the only bright spot in the day-to-day savagery of this life.
Seeing you smile, help patients, or simply drink a coffee was worth looking forward to.
I know it was wrong. I know I shouldn’t have done it.
But I couldn’t stop. I couldn’t help myself.
You have no idea how beautiful you are when you think no one’s looking.
How easy it is to be reeled in by every single part of you.
I drop the phone, breathing hard again. I want to succumb to his words badly. I try to think, well, it’s just because we kissed and got steamy. My body’s still hot all over.
Lia: And that excuses it?
Maksim: I’m a man who takes what he wants. That’s who I am. Who I’ve always been. But before that gunshot, I never wanted to watch a woman, to learn about her, to know her, even if she didn’t know me.
Lia: There’s a word for that… it’s called stalking.
Maksim: Then I’m your stalker. The man who follows you, watches you, appreciates you. I’m the fucking savage who understands you from a distance more than any man ever has. The man who's seen, over these past few months, how hard it is for you to keep going… and seen you do it anyway.
I swallow, knowing this is messed up. It also happens to be exactly what I’ve wanted for so long. To be seen, acknowledged, cared for. But this can’t be right, can it?
Lia: What have you seen? I drink black coffee, wow, what a revelation.
Maksim: Save the sarcasm, Lia. I’ve seen more than that.
Lia: You don’t get to tell me to save anything. Number one, because we’re strangers, even if you’ve got this one-sided thing going on. Number two, because you’re the one in the wrong here. So, answer my question.
Maksim: This is one of the things that drew me to you in the first place. No one talks to me like this, not even my closest advisors.
Lia: Or the other women you watch? Or the socialites who throw themselves at you?
Maksim: I don’t watch anyone else. I never have. And I don’t date. So, get that out of your head.
Lia: So I’m just that special, huh?
Maksim: More sarcasm? Yes, you are that special.
Lia: You don’t know me. You’ve seen snippets here and there, on video. That doesn’t mean anything.
Maksim: It means more than you want to admit.
I imagine him furiously texting, dark eyes fixed on the screen, jaw pulsing as he lets the outrage hit him, muttering huskily under his breath, “How can she say it means nothing? It means everything.” I like the thought way more than I should.
He sends another text.
Maksim: The moments that show who you really are happen before you visit a patient with a particularly bad condition.
I can see how difficult it is for you sometimes.
Now, I know you’re carrying a heavy burden.
Your grief. Your mother. So, you take a moment.
You stop, and you breathe, and you mutter something under your breath, then you smile and walk in there, ready to do the right thing.
That’s who you are. That’s one of the reasons I admire you.
I blink, feeling tears in my eyes. I quickly wipe them away.
Lia: Do you know what the term ‘love bombing’ means?
Maksim: I’m not trying to bomb you. You asked.
Fine, he’s got a point. But I didn’t expect him to cut so deeply, to see me as nobody else ever has.
Lia: I don’t know what I’m supposed to do with any of this. This situation is already absolutely crazy.
Maksim: I think you want to be angrier than you are.
I think you feel flattered. You want to be seen.
I think you understand, on a deep level, that you ARE a light in this world.
And even if you get praised at work, or appreciated by your patients, it’s not enough.
It’s too transactional. Too surface level.
You want more. Well, I see you. I know you.
And I’m impressed by every single moment.
More tears spring to my eyes. He’s right, but I can’t condone this behavior… can I? I can’t just act as if everything is okay.
The emotion mixes with the lust from earlier, a big swirling mess of how the hell am I going to handle this?
Lia: Seriously, search ‘love bombing’ online. You might find some similarities.
Maksim: This is the truth. But I understand this could be the end of us.
Panic tears through me. It has no right. This should be the end of whatever’s happening here. I understand he’s keeping me safe, and I’m grateful, but I should shut down any notion of romance.
Stalking is not okay.
Except, maybe… just this once?
I close my eyes, take a deep breath. But that works against me. My mind replays all those quiet and lonely moments, the moments I thought I was alone, but they’re brighter now. I wasn’t alone. I had a dark, savage guardian angel watching over me.
Lia: Us’ doesn’t mean very much, Maksim. We’ve only had like three or four conversations.
Maksim: We can’t deny what happened between us earlier. The passion. The connection. We can’t deny that, if I hadn’t left, we’d be in bed together right now. None of this would matter. We’d be obsessed with each other.
Lia: Maybe in the moment. But we have to face reality. What you did is not okay. You have to know that. What if I wasn’t attracted to you? What if I wasn’t flattered by this? What if I was disgusted?
I send the message too fast, then stare at it with a confusing feeling twisting through me. I’ve just admitted that part of me likes it. I shouldn’t have sent that. But I can’t think clearly when I’m talking—or even texting—with Maksim.